Do I know you?

tomboy24 wrote:No, no, no it's ok! This is all ok and it's not a bad thing! We've all been where you're at right now, or some place similar. We've all had similar experiences to what you have. It's ok. You're not alone, this is "normal" for DID/dissociative disorders, and it's certainly not a bad thing to have a dissociative condition (I like condition better, disorder tends to have a negative connotation to it).

Trust me. You're among people who understand, have been there, are there themselves, who can relate, and you are certainly not alone.

-Cassandra

It is a coping mechanism. Survival I suppose.

The issue is when I can't remember most of my day or it all looks like I'm remembering a fading dream... And or when I can't feel any emotion.... Which would be scary if I could be Scared...

-- Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:17 pm --

tomboy24 wrote:Not to scare or worry you, but you've mentioned the name "Seiya" before, or at least a part of you has. Have you tried looking through your posts lately? I talked to a part named Scruffy for a while I think yesterday or the day before (it was recent). If nothing else, I know a part of you (I think it was Scruffy) posted in the Littles' thread a couple of times.

-Cassandra

Scruffy was a nickname every one called me for a long time, I don't remember that period of my life(or the rest of it really *Smiles*). Sieya was another one. Some people still call me that which gets weird for unusual reasons...

What you describe is typical for a disscociative disorder/DID. I can definitely relate to having memory issues, feeling like everything's a dream, even thinking things are dreams and then finding out they actually happened, all that stuff.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time with this stuff, though. Just know you're not alone in your struggles. *safe hugs if wanted*

-Cassandra

* Timidly accepts safe hugs* I always figured this stuff was just a normal thing anyways until people started bringing stuff to my attention and Saying it was weird...

It can seem weird to people who don't know about DID, don't believe that DID is real, don't understand DID, etc. But around here, honey, (honey? where'd that come from?), you're completely normal and you fit right in. And I'm sure everyone here can relate to your experiences, thoughts, feelings, confusion, and struggles.

-Cassandra

Ya know I apparently used to hit people who tried to hug me... I doesn't really seem at all like something I would do... How do you know when your "Switchy"?

Doing things that don't seem like yourself but being aware of doing them is more like co-consciousness. Knowing when you're co-conscious, co-hosting, switching, etc., can take some time to learn how to recognize and be aware of. Basically a good "rule of thumb" for DID is the more you learn and understand about all of you (including voices/loud thoughts/parts/alters), the more your awareness will increase in general, and the more things you'll start noticing/realizing.

Keep in mind that everyone's different, and DID is a very personal condition, so symptoms/signs of things like switching won't always be the same for everyone.

For me, I know I'm switchy when I'm mentally fuzzy, when I seem to have little memory gaps here and there (things like "what was I just doing", "what was I just saying", etc), I have a general feeling of being "out of it" or "not all there", sometimes I'll find myself in a room I don't remember walking into or with something in my hand that I don't remember getting, I'll often find posts on here I don't remember writing (I always check my posts), and I'll have random urges that I usually end up acting on or act on and then don't remember that I did it (like coloring or going to sleep and then wondering why I'm in bed or something).


Anyway, I'm sorry, but I have to go for now. I hope I can help you out more later. Just try to look around the forum some if you want for things you might be able to relate to, or look through your posts or PM's, or even just call it a day and go relax or something like that. And feel free to PM me any time about whatever, and I'll answer it when I'm able to.


-Cassandra

Thank you so much for all your help... It means a lot...

You're very welcome! (wow, just took me 3 tries to type "welcome"). I'm glad I can be of help! This can be really tough stuff to deal with, realize, accept, and everything, so if I'm able to help make things a bit easier somehow for someone, or a bit easier to at least cope with, then that's all I care about!


-Cassandra

I don't really feel retarded anymore...
I used to feel lonely, but I was never really alone. I had my stories and characters. Though the handwriting changed with each person's speech... I always thought that was kinda neat. Gave the characters something special about them I guess. Now looking back all I can think As I remember snatches of writing scenery and circumstance is... Wow. Well then.

Many of my alters I actually wrote about in short stories, fanfictions, beginning of stories, etc., that I'd write. That's actually how most of my alters chose their names- they'd search for a name "through me", and I'd think I was just looking for a good name for the character I was writing about. Well, turns out that most of my characters that I'd write about were "modeled" after the alters I didn't yet realize I had.

And I can definitely relate to the handwriting changes with the different voices. Happened to me a lot, and still happens to me a lot, the only difference now is that I know what's going on and why it happens.


-Cassandra