FFS, he's really done it now

Er...has anyone here ever experienced something like spontaneous integration? I'm not really sure what's going on with us, but I think it is one of Gabriel's social experiments. I woke up last night because he was making a lot of noise and mumbling something about building a structure inside - this morning I wake up and it is like I'm the sum total of all of us - but not in a good way.

You know when you mix all of the colours of a palette into one? You get a really ugly brownish-green colour going. So what I'm feeling is the equivalent of this - all of everyone's emotions at the same time. I cannot find anyone and I have no access to the inner world. I just feel $#%^.

He cannot really force us all to integrate or can he?

Have you blended with your alters before? Does it seem to be anything like that?

I don't think he can force an integration, but even if he could I can't see how he would be able to force a lasting one.

Best of luck.

I have experienced two integrations, and both have held. I have also experienced some transient blending. From what you describe it sounds like you are blending. After an integration there is an initial sense of being alone, of an absence where formerly there was a presence.

...yes, seems like it was blending. and it was an experiment. he thought he could somehow link us all up so we could act synchronised, like one person, with me fronting. He just forgot to tell anyone.

argh.

ruby

It could be co-consciousness as well. All of you being aware of what's going on all at once in the outside world, all of you being "up front" but not necessarily fully "out". That's when we feel like a blob, like right now. Super co-conscious along with rapid switches. We're just a foggy blob of identity, not really sure of who's who and such (hence the color). We feel like all the colors mixed together and it looks about as pretty as it can feel sometimes (which is why we chose this color).

Forced integrations are usually hard to do. They take a lot of, well, forcing and effort and trying. And they don't last.

Blending can be like co-consciousness to the extreme and can be similar to integration. But it usually doesn't last long and it can happen on its own or if you're trying to either co-host or be more "together" or be co-conscious or something like that.

Actual integration can happen on its own sometimes, depending on your system, or it'll happen with therapy and healing and work (usually it needs therapy, healing, and work). Integrations that aren't forced usually hold and last.

So, this could be blending or co-consciousness.


~A mixture of us(?)

from what I've read on here, it sounds like blending. It is as if you feel all emotions at once, but they don't balance each other out as genius boy thought, they just make me feel - ewwww. horrible. like I want to jump out of my skin.

that's it for now, no more experiments. Downton Abbey and ice cream for me.

Ruby

When we're really co-conscious, we feel all emotions as well, too. Otherwise we'd be able to tell who's who just by emotions and what they are and deduction reasoning and such. Co-consciousness can be very similar to blending for us, that's why we suggested it as another possibility to look into. We feel everything at once, we think everything at once, we try to say everything at once sometimes and end up babbling nonsense, we hear everything at once, it's just this big, foggy blob of everyone, all emotions, all thoughts, all everything, and sometimes it can take a lot just to think up a coherent sentence. And feeling one emotion? So far that's not possible for us when we're co-conscious.

We're glad you think you've figured things out though and are going for a break with ice cream. Experiments can be good, but it's best if everyone knows about them, and it's a good idea to treat yourself to a break and/or something special after doing one.


~A mixture of us(?)

Enjoy your time with ice cream. An fyi about experiments might be a polite thing to get yeah

...yepp, was an experiment. we had this discussion about children b/c Ruby said she wants outside children but she's afraid we might mess them up when we switch all the time - so we thought we'd try to 'speak as one' so to say.
Didn't work. Needs more research I think

Gabriel


Ah well, the idea counts. At least now I know I can lock the door on him

Ruby

Having DID and switching doesn't "mess kids up" if you have them. As long as the child is not put through extreme stress/trauma, or even then as long as the child receives love, care, support, and is allowed to heal/process things properly, the child will be fine.

We do not wish to be one. We prefer to stay multiple. And some of us would like at least one child later on. We know that as long as we work together as a team and heal as much as we can before that, we will not be any risk to our child, even if we do switch. As long as we're not switching to a little without having an older one to supervise or anything like that, (which, the more you're aware of, the more control you learn, and the more at-will switches are possible and such), we know we'll be fine and our child will be fine.

Research isn't the only thing needed to make things work. Time. Therapy. Work. Practice. Increasing awareness and knowledge of each other. Understanding. Trauma/memory processing. All this is helpful towards decreasing switches, or at least unwanted ones. Still, we wish you luck with any experiments in the future. (Just maybe tell everyone first, since communication is very helpful in any situation. Especially since if everyone knew what was going on, it might've worked a bit better because they might've not been like "what is happening? why do we feel like this?" Instead, they might've been more like "we feel like this because of the experiment, it should pass once the experiment is done", or something. -We're not getting on you or think you did anything "wrong", by the way. Just sharing our thoughts).


~A mixture of us(?)