triggered *trigger warning*

I found messages. he lied to me. my hearts is beating so fast i feel like my hart is gonna come thru my chest. my body is numb and tingly its hard to see im having hot flashes. hot then cold hot then cold. i feel like im going to be sick. its like a panic attack but not my usual panic attacks. my back hurts i have really bad cramps for no reason. i feel so weak. i want tto hide. i want to go away . too many lies. everything is always a lie. i dont deserve the truth. i don't know what to believ e any more. i dont knw what to do anymore. i just want to hide. i want it all to go away

I'm sorry you're in so much distress and I'm sorry he is lying to you. You do deserve the truth.

Is there anything you can focus on to calm down? Like something you like, like a movie or some music? Or try some grounding techniques like smelling a smell you like, or feel your feet on the ground? Just so you're calm enough to think?

I'm so sorry this is happening to you and I hope you feel better real soon.

I put something in tv but I keep going into a trance. My hart rate is down but now I'm shaking I feel horrible. I'm tired of going thru this. I hate feeling like this. I hate getting that icy cold shock feeling. Now I'm going to be exhausted the next 2 days. I'm tired if all of it. I want to go back to being able to forget the bad things. I'm tired of being constantly triggered...every day...anything. I just want to forget. Every trigger is just more abuse. I can't handle it.

I'm so sorry.

Do you have a T you could call just to check in or something like that?

You deserve to get the truth and I'm sorry this person triggers you. I understand wanting to just forget everything like it was before, but in time you will heal and then it will be worth it to be able to remember things, I am sure.

I'm thinking of you. If there's anything I can do to help just let me know

no but i have an apptointment tomorrow. i really want to forget it all. why did this DID have to come out now...why now. why not just keep hidden like it always has. why not hide the trauma i went through like always. why did it have to bring back memories of trauma in my childhood i didnt know about and really didnt want to know about.

i cant get through one day without being triggered. not one day. everything and anything is always a trigger!!!!! this was a huge trigger. took me back to the trauma. i can't keep doing this. when im triggered for the last trauma i went through, im reminded of the childhood abuse too bc that memory came back bc of the last trauma. im getting double slammed here!!!!! wtf???

i cant handle all this anger and sadness and feeling like everythings happening all over again all the time. i have no one except this forum. not a single person. im tired of living this way. its not even living its being trapped in a never ending nightmare.

Often it is that when we feel at our weakest we find the strength to actually be at our strongest.

If there is to be any hope of healing, no wounds may be left untreated, no wounds may be forgotten, and no wounds will ever truly not affect you unless they are treated and allowed to heal properly, fully.

~ ???

Nothing will be truly forgotten. Things will still affect you even if they "hide" again. You were not healthy with the way things were, you are not healthy with the way things are now, but now you can work to get healthier, better, more stable. Now you're learning what wounds there are to heal. Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean wounds still won't have an effect on you, on your life. The only way you can truly "stop living like this" is to stay strong and heal fully and properly.

Your wounds have been ignored for a very long time. Of course they're going to hurt. Of course things aren't going to be easy. These ignored, infected, painful wounds have been covered up over and over again and "forgotten" about for far too long. THAT is why they can no longer be ignored. It is necessary that you clean these wounds out (which will hurt, just as any wound getting cleaned does), stitch them up, bandage them up, and allow them to heal properly. As they heal, the pain will lessen, they will hurt less, and the one day, they'll be nothing but faded scars. Non-painful, faded, faint scars, wisps of a memory, all left in the past with no pain or anything to effect your current life anymore.

It is time to stop ignoring yourself. It is time to stop ignoring your wounds. It is time to stop forgetting. Forgetting won't make anything better. It'll only make it hurt worse when it is remembered. Remembering, working through, and healing is the only way things will get better for you.

Do not ignore your needs either!!! Or what you deserve!! Write this @$$hole off!! Forget him!! Put no importance on him anymore!!! If possible, get him the f*#k out of your life because he definitely doesn't deserve to be a part of it!!!! You should not be lied to!! You do not deserve to be lied to!! You do not deserve to be triggered like this!! You do not deserve to be treated like this!!! Know it and stand up for yourself!!! Cut all ties with this person, even if he does for some reason have to stay in your life, cut him loose!! Stop caring about him, stop putting any importance on him, stop putting any worth on him, because he is worthless!! He is not worth your time, your effort, or your care!!!! Tell him, "F*#k you, I deserve better", and move on!!!


Life is hard at times for a lot of people, and sometimes the hard times last for what seems like f*#king forever. But you can't run away from the past. Life will continue to be hard until you face sh*t, process sh*t, learn to cope with sh*t, and heal from sh*t.


Look around you. We're all tired. I'm not saying that to invalidate your feelings. You have every right to feel tired. And tired of being tired. But you've handled things this long, you've made it this far, obviously you are strong enough to handle this. We are all strong enough to handle this even if we don't feel like it at times.


F*#k people, f*#k what you don't have. Focus on what you do have. You have support here. You have understanding here. You have acceptance here. You have listening ears here. And what about your therapist? That's someone. If we focus on the negative aspects in life, we're going to feel negative, and their effect on us will increase. If we focus on the positive aspects in life, we're going to feel more positive, and the positive effects on us will increase.


We hope you feel better soon.


~A mixture of us(?)

Darling, you need to find a way to relax until you can see your therapist. Take deep, calming breaths. Find something to zone into, even if it's just drawing circles on a piece of paper. Then, once you're calmer, trying to do an activity you enjoy.

Triggers and trauma are always difficult, but they come up to be processed. However, you can't properly process them until you lower the amount of panic you are feeling. Trauma comes up because it is time to heal.

Truly, if you feel you can't wait, call your therapist. It could do a world of good.

If you shall except them, my prayers are with you.

Nadia

Thanks everyone. I've come out of it a bit. It's just another part I don't like. I get triggered and I'm just a big blob of negative, p*ssed off, hating myself and the world. The feelings are just so overwhelming...mostly the intense anger. I can still feel it vaguely, but I feel more like myself now.

It just comes over me like a wave sometimes when theres a bad trigger, and I can't stop it. I'm sort of there, everything is so fuzzy and I can't really feel anything....and I can never really remember much or anything at all afterwards. That's frustrating and confusing. I'm not even sure what I wrote here on my posts, but I really don't even want to re-read it...I don't want to trigger that out again...and I'm sure it's just embarrassing, which is even more frustrating.

I've always been told to suck and up and deal with it, no matter what the problem or pain was. Not being able to do that anymore just has me so lost. I know I need to heal, but I have no idea where to start. Theres just too much at once. I feel like I'm doing everything I can to understand myself and why I am the way I am, and try to communicate, and try to heal...but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with anything. I'm more confused now than ever.

It's like I'm forced to re-live all this crap over and over until I can comprehend it. But I can't comprehend it. I don't understand it. It makes no sense to me how people can intentionally hurt others while at the same time saying they love you, and blaming you for what they did to you. I don't understand how it's possible to accept and process any of it.

This particular alter who was out today seriously hates everyone who's harmed us, anyone who was ever involved, or anyone who knew and kept their mouth shut....including myself! Like it's my fault! But at the same time, this one believes we deserved it all too. So, it's a bit contradictory in a way.

It's just so frustrating not knowing anything. I never know what the next trigger will be since it can be anything, and I never know how I'll react to it. Sometimes I turn into the hulk, sometimes I feel like a child, sometimes I just go into a trance, and sometimes I'll turn lemons into lemonade and be just fine with it. And these reactions can all be from the same trigger. I just have no control anymore.

I'm sorry I threw all that negativity out there, or who ever it was that did anyway. I'm glad theres others that understand all this angry triggering crap and lack of memory of it and all that. For a long time I thought I was the only person in the world who had the experiences I did, so it's nice to know that I'm not...especially now since it's completely out of control.

Safe hugs