Helping little ones (non DID) advice

Those who know me - know I'm the mom of a 16 yr old son with ... up to 14 alters. While we love and accept all of them...and even my other two children, 11 and 9, know what's going on, why, and associate with (most) of the alters (some don't like to be around the kids) I have not had a lot of time to help them process this too... does anyone else have siblings, children, or such in their lives and how to answer some of the questions or fears they may have? Here are some questions or comments my other children have had...

1) If I feel too sad or angry - will I develop an alter? I told them no - this happened with their brother before he was their age and they won't develop it this point in their lives
2) What if someone comes out of me and puts me to sleep? (this after a new alter 'ate' who they know as their brother....and a different time when an alter said (brother) is 'gone') Same answer...since they don't have alters, they don't have to worry about one materializing out of nowhere
3) What if someone takes away (brother) forever? I said that when he has been taken away, he always came back and that part of when that happens is someone else really needing us to know how much they need our attention too
4) What if (brother) is babysitting and can't stop (a mean one) from coming out and hurting me? This one stumps me. I wasn't all that worried because of the "Gatekeeper" was always kind of omniscient about who was out when and was able to 'bind' those who might do harm BUT we just had an alter come out of nowhere Tuesday night and put everyone - including son and the 'most powerful' alter out of commission

It makes me wonder if my son can be trusted alone with his siblings. If he can be trusted alone to drive... so how do I answer their questions when I'm not sure either?

Remember that a DID system responds to needs. If there is a need for something, it is provided 9 times out of 10. This includes the need to stay safe, or the need to keep others safe. If there has been no prior incidents, I would not worry too much, and I would tell the other siblings that they shouldn't worry as well. Even if there isn't a Gatekeeper, usually a protector or even a caretaker will be "called up" to fight an alter who's presence may not be safe or "appropriate" at the time. We know because this is what would happen and it has happened with Kataki, "Hannibal", and Cassidy. Your son may feel impulses, or may start an action and then not finish it (such as stopping the hand about to hit something/someone in mid-air and lowering it- we've done this a lot before), but overall, there should be someone that's at the very least trying their best to respond to the need for alters' behaviours to be watched over/restrained. Especially if they are connected at all or were at one point in time as brothers. If they have a decent relationship with each other, it will increase the need and ability for an alter to respond to any behaviours that might be unsafe or "inappropriate".

Driving, however, can be another ball game. There is need, yes, but if there is no one else in the car, there is a risk of an alter who's suicidal causing an accident, or an alter who doesn't see themselves as a part of you causing you to crash as a punishment ("Hannibal" has tried to make Kat drive off the road before, but there was no chance of success though the worrying thought did cross our minds). This is where the judgement call is based on record, your son's system, and the alters. Is there much record of an alter "breaking out"? If not, then you probably don't have a lot to worry about. Things rarely change despite freedoms and time alone changing because the needs to keep watch over alters' behaviours and surfacing is still there, that hasn't changed. Does your son's system have protectors or caretakers that can be "called up" quickly/immediately, or does he have a Gatekeeper to help regulate who's "allowed" out and who's not? These things will lessen the risk of anything happening while driving alone. Attempts can still be made by alters who want to affect or control the driving, but the risk of anything actually working or happening goes down. Do your son's alters have a good record with responding to situations, watching over alters, watching behaviours, etc.? If so, this will also most likely help the risk of anything happening while driving to stay down, as like I said, things rarely change despite freedoms changing because the need for safety and such is still there.


We hope this was somewhat helpful to you, and we hope that you can feel better about these subjects.


~A mixture of us(?)

Is there much record of an alter "breaking out"? If not, then you probably don't have a lot to worry about. Does your son's system have protectors or caretakers that can be "called up" quickly/immediately, or does he have a Gatekeeper to help regulate who's "allowed" out and who's not?

There is not much breaking out...I think that is what makes it so disconcerting - the unpredictability. and yes, Alex is usually co-aware of anyone who might have questionable intentions 'outside'. He has always been the most 'powerful' helping regulate when new ones come to awareness and such... It is that he has been 'surprised' a couple times and having Vitelle tell me she wanted to kill my children...she is not still feeling that way, and I was careful when she was feeling that way. I guess my fear is they still feel 'what if' there is someone worse than her (worse only in that they may be homicidal and out of control) I think this fear is just feeling 'what if I lose control' so I try to remind them that many of them are capable of feeling various forms of anger and so with it dispersed like this, one being having complete murderous anger may not be probable...

We have two more on the horizon...I hope that if they are challenging, they will at least agree on our Safety agreement. most of them do...and your post made me feel better. They are all (except V before her change) protective of little children...so my others are probably safe!