Crisis! Panic! Foggy *Trigger Warning*

12 days without seeing T and everything is falling apart. Major spaciness and foggy.

This is Desiree. How cam I be both 8 and 16? The 8 keeps coming out new memory but its happening now. I'm little Desiree. Daddy giving me sspeciL attention. Make it hurt. It hurts so good. Cram down my throat. Now inside hurts. You know you like it rough when it hurts. Make me feel good I want to daddy yes it hurts good.

She keeps coming out and making us unable to function. How can I be both 8 and 16? Want to die. Must end it all. Programmed to die. You should be ashamed of yourself. Just kill yourself and be free cuz you'll dir if you tell. And we have telled so we must die.

Having a hard tome functioning. Worthless at work this week. 12 days is an eternity. Don't know if we can make it thru but Alysone won't let us go in the hospital. Lots of flashes of images and them there's the physical pain that won't go away. Debilitating back pain but still she makes us go to work and tries to ignore us and pretend everythings normal and fine when its not. Really confused about the 8 Desiree.

Need help but don't git in anywhere and no.one understands what we are going thru. How can o make little Desiree go away? Just want to die but can't tell anyone that. Too many rules. Panic! Need to get outta here! No where to go. We're stuck and its all happening again and still. Even Shamer doesn't understand. All alone. Any ideas on how to survive until we see T?
From mostly Desiree

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Does your T have an emergency number or partner you can call to help you calm down?

I've Lready emailed T too many times. It's helped, but not enough. The 8 has never been out before and heels trying to come out and its not safe to cone out when T is awaay. Don't know what to do.

I'm sorry you're in such distress. Are there any hotlines or someone you could call to check in with so that they could help you and your system calm down? An emergency number of sorts? Best of luck.

Don't trust anyone else. Don't know if they would hurt you. Can't trust and they don't know me. Just need the 8 to stay away for now. Any ideas to help her go to a safe spot and sleep til T returns?

Sometimes an alter surfacing is going to happen no matter what.

What you need to do is either email your T again, accept that you have to call your T, or get up the courage to call a saftey hotline or something. The hotlines are there to help and listen to you, to talk to you, to help you calm down. They would probably be your biggest help right now. It's not calling 911 or anything so nothing will be sent to you if you don't want it. You can explain that you're not in danger of hurting or killing yourself but you are extremely distressed and need someone to talk to. They would understand, they're working a saftey hotline number.


Other ideas for you to try:

-- Post here, or write in a journal. Just ramble away. Let Desiree talk all she wants. Spew out anything. Much like your first post. Let her get all of her feelings and thoughts down somewhere to help them get "out of her system" a bit. This could help what you're feeling overall.

-- Explain the possibilities to Desiree. She could be an age-slider, an alter who goes between different ages. This is normal and sometimes common within DID. It could be that she went to "sleep" between those two ages and that's where her memory separation comes from, and it would probably make it feel like there's a "her" for each time period.

-- Help Desiree! Take time off work if possible because it's needed! Put yourself and her first, put all of your needs first, put your health first! Spend time doing things to help both of you relax, feel calmer, feel safe, and feel comforted.
Constantly remind Desiree that she has nothing to be ashamed of, she does NOT deserve to die, it is OK for her to talk, she is safe, you are safe, everything is safe and ok, she does not need to talk if she doesn't feel comfortable with it, you do not have to run, this is NOT the past!, that was then and this is now, you are in control now, this is NOT happening right now, you have the power now, and you are NOT stuck, you are SAFE.
Listen to relaxing or upbeat music, watch funny movies or comforting movies, treat yourself to favorite foods or snacks, draw, write, express yourself as needed, scream into a pillow, take naps, snuggle with a blanket, if you have a stuffed animal snuggle with them too, wear clothes that are comfortable and make you feel safe, write down good things about yourself and remind yourself of them, maybe talk to an object and pretend it's your T if you're comfortable with that- just to get it out for now, do anything and everything any chance you get to help yourself feel more relaxed, calmer, safer, and comfortable.


-- Ask for other alters to help you in doing things to make all of you feel better, reminding yourself of truths (such as the fact that you are safe, you are ok, this is not the past, etc), reminding Desiree of truths (such as she doesn't need to die, she's safe, she has nothing to be ashamed of, etc), and to just help in general.

-- STAY SAFE! Immediately get rid of, lock up, or hide all pills, sharp objects, harmful objects, etc.

-- Remember that you CAN do this, you CAN survive this. You have already survived the hardest part, you have already made it this far, you CAN make it until you see your T at the very least. This is just a flashback, it is not actually happening, and you ARE stronger than this!


We hope we were somewhat helpful. We hope you stay safe and remember that you have support here, we won't hurt you here, you can talk to us here. -safe hugs if wanted- You CAN do this, you ARE strong enough.

~A mixture of us(?)

-- Fri Jan 18, 2013 10:18 am --

(Forgot this one)

-- Ask others to help you if needed, but try going into your inner/mental world and finding the 8 yr old and picture you or others helping the 8 yr old to a safe place, like a nice bed or something, to sleep. Picture (and focus, imagine it happening and it'll help it happen) the 8 yr old being comforted by either yourself or others inside and falling asleep in the bed. You can also try picturing other things such as giving the 8 yr old a stuffed animal to hold or something. Picture yourself or others letting the 8 yr old know they're safe, telling the 8 yr old they'll/you'll care for them and protect them, telling them they're ok, etc. to help the 8 yr old calm down.

(Before trying this, it's best to be as calm, relaxed, and safe-feeling as possible so that your mind is clearer and calmer, which will help focusing and communications be clearer and easier to do).

Best of luck with this.

~A mixture of us(?)

Tomboy24, thank you soooo very much! We will try some of your ideas, especially the last one of letting the 8 rest somewhere safe. I don't know if she'll cooperate, but It's worth a try. I really appreciate everything you shared. Alysone

We're glad we could be of help, and you're most certainly welcome. We hope things get better for you soon!

~A mixture of us(?)