Alter Functioning and Silence After Discovery?

After last weeks denial episode, I've really been thinking and reflecting on things. I've been trying to think back on my current, and mostly past, DID symptoms to help put things back into perspective for myself. The conclusion is that I'm still pretty sure I have DID. Everything still just makes too much sense, and is the only logical explanation for the experiences I have and have had throughout my life.

I am confused about two things though that still have me a bit unsure...

1. If alters are created to help you function as a person and appear normal, especially after trauma, why am I so unfunctionable? What I went through 3 months ago was traumatic for me, so where did they go? After a traumatic event in April, I pretty much immediately forgot about what happened, quit smoking after 10 years, and carried on as usual (but with the loss of who ever helped me at work). After what happened in September though, I feel completely abandoned. They still 'come out', but not for daily chores or anything productive like they used to.

So, I'm a bit confused here. Do they not exist or are they forcing me to focus on myself and them?

2. It's gone pretty quiet with them. Before I found out about DID, the interjecting thoughts and arguments were normal every day life, and were actually pretty heavy at the time. Once I found out they seemed to communicate a little bit, sort of testing the waters maybe, but I seem to not be getting much from them now. Or maybe that's how it seems.

So, it's safe for them to talk now. I know they exist, so why have they seemed to have gone quiet? Are they hoping I just give up with them like I've always done?

As a side note (Can be skipped) - I do have a theory, if I do have alters, I feel like they set me up. After the event in April that I completely forgot about, I some how managed to get myself on meds and into counseling, something I've wanted to do, but couldn't get myself to do for 4-5 years. Almost like they knew sh*t was going to hit the fan soon since what happened in September was directly linked to April. I started looking to get meds around the end of May but couldn't find one until the end of August, two weeks before the traumatic event. I honestly don't know what would have happened if I didn't have those meds at the time, so I'm very thankful for that. This just occurred to me yesterday, and I thought it was all an odd coincidence. I just wanted to write it down real quick while I'm thinking about it or I'll forget

Supporting Facts

(Off the top of my head - Mostly for myself, you can skip if you'd like)

1. My personality completely changes, and without effort, and have no control over it. I feel/act like a completely different person.
2. Amnesia for traumatic memories, and just an overall horrible memory in general
3. Time loss
4. Started hearing 'voices' around 4 or 5
5. Between ages 6-9 I woke up fairly frequently with complete amnesia (I basically knew nothing)
6. People I didn't know insisted they met me, but I had told them my name was different from my own
7. Wrote notes to a friend and signed it with different names
8. I've always felt like I was several different people
9. Don't recognize myself in the mirror, or in pictures
10. Suffered from severe headaches, backaches, and stomach aches since at least 7, and other possible body memories
11. Being accused of doing and saying things I don't remember or being told things I don't remember

That sounds like DID alright.

I'm not too good at helping people but I'd like to say, maybe they're just hiding? When something really traumatic happened to Nin 3 years ago most of us went quiet. We went into hiding so no one would find out and lock us up. We got locked up anyway though and they caught on after like 4 months in-patient. It's natural for a system to want to stay hidden. Maybe someone else who suffered what you can't remember have retracted inside to get some time to heal? When something really bad happens, we can't always go on as if nothing did - even with DID. DID doesn't fix everything. I hope they come back soon to help relieve the load. Have you asked them to come back? Written notes explaining that you're thankful they're helping you and you could use some help now? Asked if there's anything you can do for them? It's a two-way street. You're an alter just like they are and maybe they too need something first, to be able to help you. These are just suggestions. As I said, helping isn't really my forte. Best of luck though.

lifelongthing wrote:That sounds like DID alright.

I'm not too good at helping people but I'd like to say, maybe they're just hiding? When something really traumatic happened to Nin 3 years ago most of us went quiet. We went into hiding so no one would find out and lock us up. We got locked up anyway though and they caught on after like 4 months in-patient. It's natural for a system to want to stay hidden. Maybe someone else who suffered what you can't remember have retracted inside to get some time to heal? When something really bad happens, we can't always go on as if nothing did - even with DID. DID doesn't fix everything. I hope they come back soon to help relieve the load. Have you asked them to come back? Written notes explaining that you're thankful they're helping you and you could use some help now? Asked if there's anything you can do for them? It's a two-way street. You're an alter just like they are and maybe they too need something first, to be able to help you. These are just suggestions. As I said, helping isn't really my forte. Best of luck though.

Thank you for confirming and explaining to me why this has happened. That makes a lot more sense now. I thought the same thing, maybe they're just hiding, maybe they're all just as exhausted as I am from everything that's happened this year and don't want to deal with it either. I think we all need some healing time, but unfortunately I have obligations that I can't fulfill right now like cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids. Once in a great while something might get done but it's not easy getting up and actually doing it. My husband has pretty much taken on taking care of everything including myself, because I'm still incapable. It makes me feel like a kid.

It would make sense for them to just want to hide too. Most parts don't trust my husband, and some parts don't even trust my T. We all have a huge fear of being locked up. We were locked up once before, I was tricked into it and wasn't for any of the right reasons, but that in itself was traumatic. How I got there was traumatic anyway, but the stay was pointless as there was no 'help', which I did need. I was completely deceived and betrayed for someone else's benefit. So, even I am terrified of being locked up again.

I have tried writing to them. Last time I tried to explain to them that right now we, or the body, just seems completely loony with all these erratic mood swings and bursts of anger. If at least one of them can come out and introduce themselves to at least my T we would be more understood and wouldn't have to worry so much about being locked up. Obviously, none of us wants locked up, and I do think this simple thing could really help prevent that from happening if there was a logical explanation as to why we're acting like this.

I like your idea of asking them if theres something they want. I have offered time with the body as long as they let me know when and what they want to do in advance so my husband and I can be aware of what's going on and make sure it doesn't interfere with the kids' school schedule, but I never got a response. I have my first T appointment today in 3 weeks since she's been on vaca for the holidays so I'll try to do that before I leave.

Sometimes Jen tends to get really quiet too. Like, when school is up and running, she's out most of the time. But when we hit break, it's like she assumes she won't get much chance to be out and she sleeps a lot, waiting for me to come get her when break ends. Sometimes she's a bit dazed when she gets back out - like that time early in the morning when you haven't quite completely woken up yet, but you're moving slowly and slowly becoming more aware. This state lasts different lengths, depending on how long she's been sleeping, and if it lasts longer than she's out for, it makes it easy for her to just go back to sleep.

Hope this helps. ^^