Not Another One

For the last 2 weeks or so I've been hearing another voice and it's been unsettling me. I don't know if this voice is an alter or just a hallucination. I still get auditory hallucinations of voices every now and again that aren't alters. They are just passing whispers.
This guy has been quite persistent though and I've been trying really hard to push him away. I don't want there to be another person occupying my brain.

For 8 years there were only 2 alters and that was tiring enough. 3 months ago Ted appeared and I went into a bit of denial there. I felt that after 8 years of just having 2 alters acquiring another was a sign I was getting worse in some way. Now with another possible alter on the horizon I can't help but feel things are declining.

Darren was my first alter. He appeared when I was about 12 and going through a great deal of emotional turmoil. Scott appeared a year later when Darrens abuse had become overwhelming and I needed a friend. Ted appeared 3 months ago when I went on holiday with my family and I felt isolated and unheard. This potential new alter, who calls himself Dean, appeared when I went and stayed at my dad's at Christmas. Again I was feeling isolated and unheard. Nothing bad was happening and there are no negative memories of my dad. I guess I just felt out of place. I normally do around family. We went out for dinner and I kept hearing this guy. I probably wouldn't have taken notice if it wasn't for his accent. He's American which I find odd as I'm English and so are all my alters. Initially I thought this voice was in the room so I looked around but saw nobody talking to me.

I've spoke to him a bit but I normally try to push him away but he's finding ways of getting in. As a lucid dreamer I spend a great deal of time experimenting and controlling my dreams but recently, every time I get lucid, it isn't me. I start to do things I wouldn't normally choose to do in a lucid dream i.e *Mention of sex* take part in group sex with a load of women *end* I wake up from these confused because I know it was a lucid dream, I was conscious, but I was choosing to do stuff that I didn't want to do. In one of these dreams I introduced myself to one of the women as Dean and I could see I was wearing different clothes.
So now the only thing that makes me happy, my lucid dreams, is being invaded. I guess that's what I get for ignoring him, right?

Anyway I just needed to get that off my chest. I'm scared of having another one. I'm scared it means I'm losing more of myself, that I'm getting worse instead of better, that I don't really know myself at all.
- Hunter

I think a lot of people feel like this about discovering a 'new' alter, kind of like you're losing even more control or something. But if this is another alter and he's trying to make you aware of him, that doesn't mean you're getting worse, think of it as a sign of progress. He's not 'new', as in newly created, chances are he's always been there but he's only now feeling like you're ready to meet him. That's a good sign, it means you're secure and stable enough to handle meeting another alter and get to know him (and therefore yourself) better. Dean sounds pretty persistent, so pushing him away might just take more energy than letting him say what he's got to say Good luck!

I very much agree with Owleyes. But we've all been there I think though - it can hurt to find new alters. It can be overwhelming to think about. But in time, things feel more stable and understanding of each other grows Best of luck going forward with this

I agree with the other comments. Usually alters have always been there, so you mist be sting enough, and Dean feels safe enough to emerge now. Know that he is here to help you, and holds some key to your healing. I totally get how unsettling it can be, since I experienced the same feelings when my alters emerged. But in the long run they have added to who I am as a person and have helped me in my healing process. It really is a sign of progress. Hand in there, and try not to fight him, and more will be revealed. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as you get used to this new idea. Alysone

I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one going through this. I have a new alter too, named Miranda and who likes to fake accents, that came out and talked to my husband last night. He doesn't remember the conversation so I know absolutely nothing about her except what I've said above.

It's freaky and it makes you feel like you can't handle it. I'm feeling that right now. So you're not alone.

Owleyes wrote: But if this is another alter and he's trying to make you aware of him, that doesn't mean you're getting worse, think of it as a sign of progress....
That's a good sign, it means you're secure and stable enough to handle meeting another alter and get to know him (and therefore yourself) better

alysone27 wrote: Know that he is here to help you, and holds some key to your healing.

I never really looked at it that way. I guess my way of thinking was the more alters/voices the worse I am. Thank you for making me realise this isn't such a negative thing after all.