Side-kick Syndrome (might trigger)

Are your alters content with being "side-kicks"? You know, living in the shadow of the host?

Do they ever expect more? Like a life of their own? I think mine is finally coming to the realization that he's stuck inside my body just like I am, and that if either of us has a future, it will be mine and not his. I can see that it's killing him, and I have no idea what to say.

I know many alters are content living in the inner-world, but mine... He has experienced the world I belong to, and he readily admits that it is more real than his own, even going so far as to say that he truly understood the concept of "feeling" when he spent the night with one of my best friends, in my body.
I know he'll never try to become the host. It isn't in his nature. If anything he'll just wither away, and I would be devastated if that happened.

Yes, many of my alters have felt that way at times, and still do feel that way at times. However, it's gotten better, because they don't have to live in my shadow completely if they don't want to. We're all parts of the same person, we're all parts of each other, so we all do our best to share our life among each other fairly and equally because we all deserve to share this body/mind and live our life. Just as Ashe deserves to share your guys' life as equally and fairly as possible. You both are parts of the same person, you both share this body/mind, so you both deserve to share your life.

One thing I've found that helps is to have "alter days". Sometimes, we pick a day where it's just one specific alter that's out for as long as they want. Could be a couple hours, could be the whole day. They get to wear what they want, do what they want (to a reasonable extent of course), eat what they want, and just be themselves for the whole day. And I get to step back and just relax inside. It gives me a break, and lets them have their own piece of our life.

Another thing that helps is to have "alter times", as well. We can't always set up a whole day for an alter to have, so we try to set up "alter times". This is where for a certain period of a day/the day, an alter gets to be out and do what they want/like (to a reasonable extent). For example, Mike and Cassie often have a "Game Night" during the weekend where she and him, and sometimes other friends of our's, play board and card games for that night/evening.

It's important to try an balance what you want/like and what other parts/alters of you want/like as best you can in any way that works for you. Be it sharing days, sharing time "out", sharing interests, compromising on things to do, allowing each other to have time for differing interests, etc.

(Alters don't "fade away" or anything like that. Nor can they truly "go away" without integration, and that's a whole process in itself that takes time, patience, therapy, trauma processing, acceptance, and understanding. Alters can go "to sleep" and can go into "hiding", however. This is what happens when an alter seems to "go away" or "disappear").

Best of luck to you with this.

-Cassandra

I agree with what Cassandra has said.

I'd like to say though, that I (as an alter) have always wanted my own life. I did, at one point though, come to the conclusion that I already have that. This is not Nin's life - it's our life. And as much as this body doesn't look like it's supposed to, age like it's supposed to or in any way feel like "my body", it is. There's no such thing as wanting "a life of my own", because our life is already mine just as much as everybody else's - even if I'm not the out who's out living it all the time. It helped me at least.

Yes, i know that Duke wishes he could have more of a life his own. He hates being 'inside' and alone. I feel terrible but i don't really know what to do about it. I can often feel his intense emotions of frustration and sorrow over it. I really wish there was something i could do for him.