It's New Year's..

Happy New Year's to those who celebrate. It's quite a few hours until the celebrating starts here but some people have started shooting up some rockets already. New Year's is another big trigger for us. We had plans but we're canceling them to stay at home, watch a movie, eat dinner and cake and going to bed pretty early. Oh and ear plugs. The loud noises makes us want to hide under the bed But it's New Year's so if anyone wants to talk about their day today/tomorrow feel free and if you want to share anything New Year's related feel free to do so

We don't really do New Year's but I wanna try to come up with a New Year's resolution. I'm not sure what it should be yet though

For me it also will take a while before the new year starts.

Not so funny stuff
This is a time where there's much arguing going on here. People are supposed to be happy now and that seems to be a trigger for my father somehow. And the fact we're much together and that this is a tiring day are great factors too.
I hope I'll be able to prevent any triggers, because the fireworks might be a trigger (they haven't been previously, but that doesn't mean much now) and the fact I'm around family will make the hurt part feel even worse than she's already usually. I don't blame her. **Trigger** And the fire itself will probably trigger because that's something that can hurt (she is suicidal) **end**

Good stuff
This time there are family members who will celebrate with us. This will cause my father to hide his negative feelings for a while, so that's good. And it always gives a good feeling when they're up here.

I wish everyone a good new year when the time is there!

Yeah, a while still here too

I hope you evening goes smoothly with your family oaktree

Thank you, lifelongthing. I think I'll go in my 'happy me' mode again, just like with Christmas. Doesn't feel entirely me, but at least I'll be able to be happy with them. Because, when I look back, it is a happy thing, for the most part.

We usually try to have the one most capable of handing or enjoying the situation out and it works for us Not always able to, but we try at least.

Like today, I've been out to do things and be with my SO for a bit in the morning, then emma came out and cleaned a bit and took care of some calls that I'm too scared to take care of, then I came out again now for a little while and am going to continue cleaning for a bit. Then Aurora is going to come out to eat pancakes (her favourite thing) later. Lin, me & emma will probably be cleaning for a while later until it's dine for dinner which I think Eliesa is going to eat. Sia will be eating desert and Anastasia is going to use a firework thing in the evening and I think Lin & the SO is going to watch a movie this evening. This is a triggering day for us so we're trying to put in the ones who will deal with it best and not too much time for each person so they get overwhelmed. We're also trying to give Key 5 minutes a day (she doesn't want to be out long at a time) to come out and release some of her sadness so she doesn't have to be so overwhelmed when she comes out so we'll probably give her 5 minutes this afternoon. No one will probably pop her head in here and there too like always. On top of this though there'll probably be lots of little switches here and there

We cancelled our plans because of me..... ~Luna
Oh shush you big baby. *shoulder squeeze*. We didn't cancel our plans 'cause of you(Luna). We did cancel our party plans, though. Rebel's kinda p*ssed, and Kat's a bit disappointed, but whatever. Most of us aren't feeling up to drinking or partying, so what we're going to do instead is have a couple friends over, put the TV and video games in our room, and smoke weed and chill all night. No expectations, no rowdy party, no pressures whatsoever. Just a chill n cool, "stoner style" New Year's. I think it'll be better for us anyway. Mike's still going out though. Going to parties that friends of his are throwing. Cassandra feels weird about it, and Cassie doesn't want him to spend New Year's without her, but I know we'll be fine once our friends are here and we're having a good time.

~L.C.

Sometimes it's better to take things easy and just do what feels most comfortable

I hope you enjoy your evening, even if it it's calmer and slower than first planned

(Hope you feel better soon too, Luna)

Enjoy your evening

***Severe trigger warning - Abandonment / Sexual / Self hatred***

My night will be hectic, no doubt. I plan to come out as having DID to my small group of friends, whom I've known since we were children. I imagine one of them may follow suit, and admit it right along with me, and in all honesty she would probably fit in here better than I do :S
The hard part will be... Seeing if Ashe will feel confident enough to make an appearance. He is their friend as well, but last year around Christmas time he came in, and was outright ignored by two of them. My other friend (who may have DID) wasn't present, and I wish to god she had been, because I have never seen him so defeated as he was that night, and I know he's still scarred by it.

I can only imagine what it would be like to speak to friends you've known for years, only to have them pretend that they can't hear you. That you don't exist. That you mean nothing to them. And I could go on a rant about this, because he and I both have unresolved feelings about it.

I think the thing that bothers me most is that he slept with one of them, one of the two boys who ignored him. He trusted him enough to give a part of himself away, and for him to sit there and ignore him...
And I didn't even say anything. Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I tell them to f***ing answer him?

He's trapped in a body with someone who didn't care enough about him to stand up for him. Someone who was happy to pretend he wasn't there, right along with the rest of his "friends". And while I don't actually dwell on this, I regret that I didn't do what was right. And that hurts me. Because I have always tried to do the right thing. Except when it mattered most.

---

I think I've actually learned something from this, maybe even how to pull him out of the destructive spiral he's been in. I just have to be proud of him. To make him known as my friend, my shield, and never my weakness. I love him, and he is as real as I am. And if anyone has a problem with that, then they can get the f*** out of my house. If you love me, you love all of me.

There's no Shepard without Vakarian.
(For those who don't know, that's a reference to my favorite game, Mass Effect, which seems to fit perfectly right now)

I'm sorry that that happened and that you didn't do "the right thing", but sometimes as humans we make mistakes. We just have to learn from them and help each other to choose better next time - like you're doing now.

I think I've actually learned something from this, maybe even how to pull him out of the destructive spiral he's been in. I just have to be proud of him. To make him known as my friend, my shield, and never my weakness. I love him, and he is as real as I am. And if anyone has a problem with that, then they can get the f*** out of my house. If you love me, you love all of me.

That sounds like a great way to introduce him. Absolutely wonderful

The very best of luck to you

"trigger warning, suicidal ideation"

Parts of me are screaming they do not want to start another New Year. they dont want to go into our 40th year this messed up and broken. they say kill us all before midnight. "trigger over"

But my SO and I are going to stay in and rest, be with each other and I'm going to try and live in the moment of tonight. I think I'll try being thankful for what i have got going into the New Year instead of focusing on all the negative. It's going to be tough, but it's always worth the shot.

Happy New Year everyone.

-- Mon Dec 31, 2012 1:05 pm --

AshenGold wrote:I think I've actually learned something from this, maybe even how to pull him out of the destructive spiral he's been in. I just have to be proud of him. To make him known as my friend, my shield, and never my weakness. I love him, and he is as real as I am. And if anyone has a problem with that, then they can get the f*** out of my house. If you love me, you love all of me.

Little says "wow, i hope someone is proud of me like that one day. thats nice to see the word love. i hope i get love like that one day!"