The Honesty Thread. (may contain triggers)

Thank you
Hugs appreciated

We used to spend $1035 a month on antibacterial gel alone (this being almost the whole of our monthly income) Now we spend $175 and it's still an embarrassing amount I can't wait to not be one of the parts that have to spend all our money on this and I want so badly to be more healthy like the others

**TRIGGER Religion

Owleyes wrote:Completely different subject, and possibly ***Triggering - Religion***:
I don't even believe in God What I hate even more is the fact that a part of me STILL thinks I'll go to Hell for thinking this. Grrrrr!

I freaking hate religion and spirituality. Leaves a sour taste.
Waste your life on God and then you die.

I remember talking to Mara while she was cycling once.. and at long last it hit here that if there is no God there is no final judgement either.

We are all our own judge.
Our thoughts, our motivations, they belong to us. Exclusively.
No deity will ever sneer at our choices looking down at us from some golden pedestal.
It's a relief. It's a little piece of freedom and independence.
If it turns out I am wrong and there is a God after all, I'd rather go to Hell than spend time in His presence. If he exists he must be one great big wanker.

*trigger warning*
i want all of this to stop and i want to integrate. it's too hard. living shouldn't be this hard. i just want to make this all go away and be one.

- cassie (age ?)

***Trigger
Warning***


shay
hate
self




shay
used
self
harm




shay
not
like
self

want
hurt
self
again




shay
won't
but
want
to






~s
h
a
y~

Shay and Cassie: Please don't feel that way. You're both fantastic and we love you here. You're both worth so much.

I can't stop changing my mind about who I'm in love with.
Leslie or Asher.
I love them both.
It's so wrong.
They're both with each other so it's dumb that I'm wasteing my time.
I can't have either, yet I want them both.
I guess I'm really f*cked up.

Hornet339 wrote:I can't stop changing my mind about who I'm in love with.
Leslie or Asher.
I love them both.
It's so wrong.
They're both with each other so it's dumb that I'm wasteing my time.
I can't have either, yet I want them both.
I guess I'm really f*cked up.

i wonder why it is loving both makes you question yourself. it is thought that all lovers or mates of the soul should be chosen by lust; this lust of the flesh but lust of one's heart as well. if the waters of the lake have waves that whisper upon your shore: beloved, beloved, beloved - it is your choice: to step or not to step. my Linn says to you, Love is a chance, but you may love always and love freely. There is nothing better to share. And the water there is fine. ; ) He-he.
yours,
ell, Linn

Cassie, I'm sorry that life feels so hard for you *safe hugs if wanted* have you tried taking a break? I mean, I know that's something you've told me multiple times and its always helped me...

Shay, I am glad that you won't actually hurt yourself. I dont think you deserve to feel so bad about yourself though. I think you are a really cool person and we like having you around *hi fives*

And I dont think that's " ###$ up" to love them both. I know its frustrating, but I also think it happens to people more than they tend to admit.

System anxiety has been going up a lot lately, so I'm having everyone take turns confessing something here until everyone has had one (excluding myself, Shadowshifter, Clone, and those with whom we've too little contact.)

(Possible trigger warning - I shall do my best to add them labeled and as necessary)

Even though he's proven he loves me over and over, I randomly become terrified that my SO will leave me for someone else because I am not a singleton and most everyone else is. I know its stupid of me to be jealous/afraid without any real reason, but I can't help it.

I feel like I am one of the main causes of denial, since I can create illusions inside, even if I've never "faked" an alter by doing this. I just become a loophole for denial to jump right through.

I am terribly untrusting and I have horrible anger issues. The slightest irritant can make me want to *tw violence* rip something to shreds *end*, and I never believe anyone when they first say something.

*TW sh* I almost killed the system. If I had enough energy to harm the body it would be dead now. But its better because now i am but a ghost. I ended that misery for myself without harming the rest *end*

I want to be able to play with other kids but i can't because the body is a teenager and that is to weird for other people to see

*TW hate* I used to threaten the system to make it afraid.... It was quite entertaining....

And myssself as well....... Ah, how I loathed them...... But that isss now the passt...... *end*

I don't like having such a... Negative. Reputation. Just because some of us are demons does not mean we know only hate and rage and lust...

I do not like having to be what everyone thinks I am but now I dont have to apparently but I don't know what to be if no one is expecting me to be anything

Star lied. Star remembers. Star should have told System what happened. Star did not tell System. So System stayed scared of Star. Star is sorry.

*TW sexuality* I haaaaaaaaaate not being allowed to have sex. I even tried being coconscious with the host when she and the SO were alone. Nothing wooooorks...

I'm not sure I feel comfortable with the female body. It's part of why I hardly come out. It's just... Odd *end*

I feel out-of-place putting this after such a long and slightly depressing list, but I dislike greatly the inability for one to find a decent yet modest dress in the time and day the body lives.

I feel out-of-place putting this after such a long and slightly depressing list, but I dislike greatly the inability for one to find a decent yet modest dress in the time and day the body lives.

For what it's worth you are so very much not alone.