Processing Host stuff *DID system triggers?*

*Trigger for discussing DID systems*

Almost sure we had an EP fronting for three months…I didn't think EPs could host? It was like an EP-PSTD part was fronting for three whole months. I was confused, dizzy, nauseous, and in general disoriented daily. I felt clumsy in the body and couldn't remember anything? I was basically "lost" for three months (Sept, Oct, & Nov)…I was in therapy once a week during that time and it took until early December for a host to come forward.

If a system is overloaded with new trauma, will the host go missing for a bit?

What happens to the body when the host isn't home? Other alters come forward?

Or maybe I don't have DID at all? Maybe just PTSD? This is so freaking confusing. I just want to know what the heck is going on!

Journalgirl (hosting? or suffering from PTSD)

If a system is in disarray or crisis or is under extreme stress, it is completely possible to have EP parts that end up fronting or being out for longer than normal. This does not necessarily mean that they are a new host or that they are hosting. It could be that they are "stuck" out, or that they are simply that triggered so they stay "out", or it could be that they are needed most for that time period, or something like that.

A host can "go missing" for a bit if/when they are overwhelmed by things. When this happens, another part will come forward to front/be out, or parts might change and share time out until the host comes back.

I'd definitely say it sounds like you have DID to me (though I'm no professional), as well as PTSD (or at least, this part has PTSD).


I hope this place is helpful to you.


~The Hawk

<<i'd definitely say it sounds like you have DID to me (though I'm no professional), as well as PTSD (or at least, this part has PTSD).


I hope this place is helpful to you.


~The Hawk >>

This place has been an awesome resource-
and Hawk you have been really helpful to me!!
Are you sure you're not a professional??

Journalgirl

Haha well I certainly hope to be a professional some day! I would LOVE to become a professional DID specialist!

I'm glad this place has been helpful to you! Everyone deserves to at least have something that's helpful to them, whether it's a forum, a friend, a therapist, a safe place, etc.


~The Hawk

I'm glad to hear you like it here. I hope you continue posting if you feel it helps Sometimes EP's can front yes, and stay out for a long time. Whether or not you want to call that "hosting", is up to each one I think. I hope you figure this out and that you find some peace with this.

<<I'm glad this place has been helpful to you! Everyone deserves to at least have something that's helpful to them, whether it's a forum, a friend, a therapist, a safe place, etc. >>

I like this place and it's nice to have a place to talk about this stuff. I don't have any RW friends who I can talk to about this stuff. They would probably be okay with it but the anxiety of trusting someone who might not understand just isn't worth it for me right now. My therapist is great but she's the only super-safe person I can trust right now.

<<I'm glad to hear you like it here. I hope you continue posting if you feel it helps Sometimes EP's can front yes, and stay out for a long time. Whether or not you want to call that "hosting", is up to each one I think. I hope you figure this out and that you find some peace with this.>>

It's be great to process with you guys!

My current theory is that I have a PSTD - part, fragment or alter that fronts when I am overwhelmed. So this part did front for 3 months until just recently, 3 weeks ago, when a ANP took back over... And now the PSTD EP emerges sometimes during therapy and the day or two after therapy and I won't even be able to remember what overwhelmed me in therapy?

YEsterday we had company -friends over and I was telling my friend that my dad died and how he died (traumatic thing happened) which apparently I hadn't told her. This life event is what caused me to front with the PTSD part...anyway I got dizzy and started to depersonalize while I was talking and for a few minutes the part emerged. So for me I guess I switched but was aware or co-conscious of it...I then changed the subject and came back to quickly. A month ago I would have thought...oh crap...I have vertigo ----when really I just switched to an emotional part triggered by my conversations. Things get a little less scary when I figure out what's really going on which is so nice to know...

Anyway sorry for the ramble- I'm learning so much from everyone here - and it's so very helpful!!

You're not rambling, I'm glad you're finding it helpful here and I'm glad you can put your thoughts into words here to make sense of things and process Best of luck.

Good therapy session today. Really good. Slowly but surely understanding what the heck happened to me the past 8 months.

Recap: My dad died in Sept of last year and my system (that I didn't even know existed!) went into crisis mode. I became aware of my system because I started dissociating like crazy day to day and had PTSD symptoms. I went back to counseling immediately (i had been out of counseling for 5 years) and previous to my dads death I had been pretty stable.

I thought I was integrated prior to my dads death but today in therapy i asked my T and she said NO i was not integrated. I asked how the heck I was functioning so well and she said my system had figured out a way to work together and it was working quite well. One particular alter was in control and the system was stable for quite a few years. Stable enough for me to not suspect I had DID.

Okay so trauma happens and my stable system went into crisis-mode. My T thinks that my protector demoted the host in Sept of last year and a new host (me) took over then. It was so unsettling to me at the time that i began to research stuff and ask my T what was happening. I suspected a host change from reading on here but I wasn't sure and after all I didn't think I had two ANPs in my system.
Today is the first day we put the evidence together after months of therapy. I feel relieved to understand what happened. A lot has happened in 8 months. I have my system mapped out (somewhat) and I can tell when I'm switching!!! Today I asked my therapist if I just started switching more often or if I just noticed that I switch and she said, doing it for years, just recognizing it now.

I'm not exactly sure why the previous host was taken out like that in the crisis? I'm still trying to get memory back from anything prior to last Sept. It's like I have general knowledge of my history and such but details are missing. There is a degree of co-consciousness between alters so I get the info but it can cause me to say something weird and need to correct myself.

This forum has been super helpful & supportive. Thanks to everyone for helping me along the way.
xxoo

You are progressing so well, I am so proud of you
I'm so happy to hear you are getting to know your system and that your T is helpful.

It's nice to see how you're healing.

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you

How are you doing these days? Feel free to answer by PM like normal