Um... Hi (trigger warning!!)

Hi. I'm Adam. I'm 14 years old. I want to introduce myself and tell you guys what's my problem. I just a little shy to write this down. Yeah, you guys know it. I have this anti-social personality disorder. I don't like to talk a lot since I was a little. I started to talk when I was 3. When I was like... I don't know. I had this suicidal thoughts. Now all I do is punching wall. Just wooden wall. I made a hole on a wall. I actually didn't realize my strength. I punched twice on the part where I punched like a few months before I made the hole.

Last night, I just want to chill. I just punched a wall without making damage to it. My dad thought that I was crazy and need to control myself. But how?! My dad don't even know about this. I'm sorry guys. I always get frustrated because of my dad. He goes to work from Monday to Friday. His work is far from home so he will go to his work at Monday and goes home at Friday. He works as a forest ranger or something. I think my dad sucks at taking care of his children. He doesn't know what I feel.

Okay, the reason why I punched a wall last night is because I always remember Cabin in the Woods. I didn't watch the whole thing but I always remember the... I think I shouldn't talk about this. I'm just concern if it can like, makes you feel scared. Just don't watch that scary movie.

Sometimes, when I remember something horrible or embarrassing, I always shake my limbs for like half a second. Sometimes after I do that, I will breathe fast. Sometimes, when I feel depress I always think of someone who is a nice girl. Like that person is on my side and tries to calm me down. After that when I realized it was just my "fantasy", I started to cry. I really need someone.

Sometimes, I think of like uh... for example, I think of playing chess and in my mind, in my "fantasy", I imagine that I'm the best chess player. Yeah, I have Narcissistic personality disorder. Sometimes, I always get jealous of my classmates when they know Math more than me.

Last night, I listened to GregCookeMusic's remix of Please Don't Go by Barcelona. I did listen to the original one. But last night I didn't listen to the original one. This lyrics makes me cry a lot.

All those arrows you threw, you threw them away,
You keep falling in love, and then one day.
When you fall, you fall towards me,
When you crash in the clouds, you found me.

Yeah. I really need someone.

Welcome Adam =)

Hope you can make yourself comfortable here. You seem to have quite the personality there, despite being shy.

Yeah, he's a bit shy. He didn't know about alters until now. I came back and I just want to make him happy. I'm glad that he's fine.
-Racheal
Yeah, I'm fine now. That nice girl was Racheal and I didn't listen to her. I thought I'm the only one who have alters. And talking to myself in my head. I didn't know people in this forum faced something worse than something I've faced.

from AdamMz>>>>Sometimes, when I remember something horrible or embarrassing, I always shake my limbs for like half a second. Sometimes after I do that, I will breathe fast. Sometimes, when I feel depress I always think of someone who is a nice girl. Like that person is on my side and tries to calm me down. After that when I realized it was just my "fantasy", I started to cry. I really need someone.<<<<

[quote]HI, You can get help here. Our T sayd that when bodies shake, it is good. The shaking is shaking something out of the body or system to rid yourself of a painful/frightening issues/situations. Our T doesnt mean bodies memories or body pain. HE specifically means shaking. HE told us of a web site once that was about polar bears. Something about they were maybe the only non human animal that deosnt have non-human predators. ANyway, there is a video of Humans trying to catch one. The bear becomes frightened and shakes himself to regulate the body until the bear is calm.
I am glad you have a nice girl to be of comfort for you.
[say if anyone knows that utube polar bear video link, I haven t actually seen it and I may have easily reported incorrect info from our T]

Thanks for your reply. I thought the body shaking is bad. I always do that after I came back home from holiday.

I still find it hard to believe that shaking is good. I feel I have shook my entire life if not super rigid frozen stiff. even right now I feel littel shakes. I suppose the shaking could be trying to help. Sometimes things that try to help us hurt. MAybe at some point the bad stuff leaves???

Maybe... Maybe shaking is good but it's not good when it's getting bad. Well, now I stop shaking. (Hopefully...) Thanks to Racheal.

[/quote][quote="AdamMZ"]Maybe... Maybe shaking is good but it's not good when it's getting bad. Well, now I stop shaking. (Hopefully...) Thanks to Racheal.

Racheal sound so precious to you. you are lucky to have her. AND!!!! she is lucky to have you!....someone who is so appreciative of her

I have a relationship with God... Not a joke... Its for my survival.. The Universe will bend in my direction and help if I ask for help..

Im glad your here... keeping coming back and blogging...

dianezz wrote:Racheal sound so precious to you. you are lucky to have her. AND!!!! she is lucky to have you!....someone who is so appreciative of her

Yeah. You're really nice.

OMNICELL wrote:I have a relationship with God... Not a joke... Its for my survival.. The Universe will bend in my direction and help if I ask for help..

Im glad your here... keeping coming back and blogging...

God always here to help us. And He always love us.