by galaxies » Sat Dec 01, 2012 6:54 am
Back when we had a T, things the Ells and especially the little wacko kinderkin would say about the past made her cry. And maybe it was an Ell thing, where crying is viewed badly, but they thought it was offensive or obnoxious or uncomfortable or something. Because it emphasized what happened was wrong, it showed them that they had every right to be upset, but ya kno, it's Ell and she will never see she was abused instead of loved even though it was sick. But on topic, maybe you should bring this up to your T. Holding sh*t back for her sake doesn't help you and maybe even adds to shame and depression and isolation cause it's like, damn, saying it hurts someone emotionally so should I not say it? But like, silence needs to be broken to heal, and hell, maybe an empathetic T will end up being a really useful model or touchstone or something. Plus talking trauma to an emotionally devoid and distant and totally clinical therapist in my opinion is about as useful as whispering t secrets to a goldfish. It hears but it's not giving me much help. Some folks just get easily teary about the sh*t kids go through - Ts are human like everybody and some stuff is just super tragic to hear I guess. I mean I deny and ignore what happened to the Ells cause it's so hard to hear, you know? But it's good to know it too, for their sake and everything, and you can't help somebody unless you know what needs to be helped with. Also trauma healing comes in waves for the survivor. Like the little kinderkin and especially Mags don't have dissociated memories anymore really and they have faced emotions and crap but sometimes the kinderkin still scream a lot and Mags locks herself in closets and yells and yells and yells and feels the anger and grief and impact, and in an external way maybe Ts get those waves too. It's just human I think. Compassion from a T is especially odd feeling since compassion is really unfamiliar but it sounds like she is a good T. But good T or not, if this is too much emotion for you and you need someone more stoic, go for that. Its all perspective, really. Sorry this is so rambled I am tired. Peace out
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