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Making my therapist cry

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Making my therapist cry

Postby humptydumpty » Sat Dec 01, 2012 1:51 am

Sometimes when we talk about tough stuff, my doctor tears up and seems like she is about to cry. Not sure how to feel about this. On one hand, She is a professional psychologist I am paying to help with this. But on the other hand, I am telling her things that are making her feel sad. I feel bad/guilty when I make her feel this way, but these are things I need to get out. Part of me wants to hold back because I feel like I am hurting her when I tell her these things. But that would get in the way of actually getting better. But then part of me feels like it means she is feeling empathetic and truly wants to help me.

How should I feel about this? Should I feel bad about saying things that make her feel sad?
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Re: Making my therapist cry

Postby tomboy24 » Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:09 am

No. You should not feel bad.

In the end, your therapist is there to help you. They are there to be a professional first, a sympathizer second. This does not mean they cannot show emotions such as crying, but it means that you should not feel bad if she does cry. And you most certainly should NOT hold back. Your therapist understands her profession; she understands her job, and she would not want you to hold anything back, no matter how much it makes her cry. Helping you is her first priority, and I'm sure she knows this.

We are all human beings. Just because we choose a profession that deals with tough/emotional stuff at times does not mean we become emotionless or something. It simply means we understand our profession choice, we understand what our job entails, and we are able to help others while also being able to sympathize with them.


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-- Fri Nov 30, 2012 7:12 pm --

Another thing: The main reason therapists cry isn't because what you say upsets them. It does, but it upsets them because they are sorry that you had to experience such things. They are sad that you had to go through that. Though you wouldn't be who you are today without both good and bad experiences, no one ever WANTS someone to experience something bad. And therapists are no different. They mainly cry because they feel for their patient; they feel bad that their patient had to experience such things; the fact that their patients have been through such things saddens them, and so they cry.


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Re: Making my therapist cry

Postby humptydumpty » Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:57 am

tomboy24 wrote:We are all human beings. Just because we choose a profession that deals with tough/emotional stuff at times does not mean we become emotionless or something. It simply means we understand our profession choice, we understand what our job entails, and we are able to help others while also being able to sympathize with them.


Wow, well said. That really made me feel better, thanks! Honestly, I've never had anyone I feel safe with. I have always had to be the one to bear it. Some people in my family say I am a "diplomat", because I am really good at wording bad situations/people in ways that make them sound good or blameless. It stems from trying to hide and pretend that I wasn't being abused and how scary it feels to talk to someone. I felt like I could hurt them with things I deal with. But I really jive with how you put that, so thanks :)

tomboy24 wrote:Just because we choose a profession that deals with tough/emotional stuff at times does not mean we become emotionless or something.

...Are you in the mental health profession yourself?
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Re: Making my therapist cry

Postby galaxies » Sat Dec 01, 2012 6:54 am

Back when we had a T, things the Ells and especially the little wacko kinderkin would say about the past made her cry. And maybe it was an Ell thing, where crying is viewed badly, but they thought it was offensive or obnoxious or uncomfortable or something. Because it emphasized what happened was wrong, it showed them that they had every right to be upset, but ya kno, it's Ell and she will never see she was abused instead of loved even though it was sick. But on topic, maybe you should bring this up to your T. Holding sh*t back for her sake doesn't help you and maybe even adds to shame and depression and isolation cause it's like, damn, saying it hurts someone emotionally so should I not say it? But like, silence needs to be broken to heal, and hell, maybe an empathetic T will end up being a really useful model or touchstone or something. Plus talking trauma to an emotionally devoid and distant and totally clinical therapist in my opinion is about as useful as whispering t secrets to a goldfish. It hears but it's not giving me much help. Some folks just get easily teary about the sh*t kids go through - Ts are human like everybody and some stuff is just super tragic to hear I guess. I mean I deny and ignore what happened to the Ells cause it's so hard to hear, you know? But it's good to know it too, for their sake and everything, and you can't help somebody unless you know what needs to be helped with. Also trauma healing comes in waves for the survivor. Like the little kinderkin and especially Mags don't have dissociated memories anymore really and they have faced emotions and crap but sometimes the kinderkin still scream a lot and Mags locks herself in closets and yells and yells and yells and feels the anger and grief and impact, and in an external way maybe Ts get those waves too. It's just human I think. Compassion from a T is especially odd feeling since compassion is really unfamiliar but it sounds like she is a good T. But good T or not, if this is too much emotion for you and you need someone more stoic, go for that. Its all perspective, really. Sorry this is so rambled I am tired. Peace out
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Re: Making my therapist cry

Postby Owleyes » Sat Dec 01, 2012 11:22 am

I used to have a T who cried and I HATED it! I had to find someone else in the end. To my mind, showing compassion and empathy is fine but crying is a step too far. I feel like it makes me responsible for her emotions. If you're uncomfortable with it, tell her.
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Re: Making my therapist cry

Postby tomboy24 » Sat Dec 01, 2012 11:26 pm

humptydumpty wrote:
tomboy24 wrote:We are all human beings. Just because we choose a profession that deals with tough/emotional stuff at times does not mean we become emotionless or something. It simply means we understand our profession choice, we understand what our job entails, and we are able to help others while also being able to sympathize with them.


Wow, well said. That really made me feel better, thanks! Honestly, I've never had anyone I feel safe with. I have always had to be the one to bear it. Some people in my family say I am a "diplomat", because I am really good at wording bad situations/people in ways that make them sound good or blameless. It stems from trying to hide and pretend that I wasn't being abused and how scary it feels to talk to someone. I felt like I could hurt them with things I deal with. But I really jive with how you put that, so thanks :)

You're welcome. I'm glad I was able to word it so well for you. 8)



humptydumpty wrote:...Are you in the mental health profession yourself?

No, not at all. Though I wouldn't mind it as a future profession. I worded it that way meaning "we" as "all us humans", not specifically myself or something. Sorry to cause confusion.

~The Hawk 8)
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
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