Hi....

So, yeah.. Hi. I'll put up a trigger warning because I don't know really what needs one. I've not been here before.

My name is Piz (well, for short anyway) and I'm 16. I found out today that I'm DID. The girlfriend we live with told me I write here. That when I don't remember someone else does and those people write here and that people here are nice.. She went with me to a T and she and the girlfriend told me. In essence I'm some tiny part of some person that I don't even know ('Nin'). I also am a psedo-cat sometimes. Awesome.. I don't understand everything but I've had enough info for today so please, no more information on DID for now. Just wanted someplace to talk really..

I knew about some of the girls. But I don't really understand how they're me. I'm me. I'm Piz. I've always been Piz. It's all quite overwhelming. I know about Leo, Emmalin, Anya, Isalin and Lianne (Lin for short). I don't know the others much. I've seen them before though.

I remember my first memory and I remember that man very well because I saw him many times and I know he had many many daughters. I knew he was a very bad man and hurt his daughters. Today they told me his daughters are parts of me. It's all very confusing. But I knew he had many daughters, I knew how he hurt Lin and Emmalin. The same goes for [the mother]. I knew she hurt Isalin so much. I haven't met Isalin in years now. I don't know... Many, many daughters - that's all I knew. That's really all I know. It's just too much to absorb in a day.

So the girlfriend and I went shopping. We wanted to buy some clothes so I could have something that felt like me. I don't know where anything is in this apartment, my clothes aren't here, nothing. So I bought a tank top and a sweater. Felt a bit better to have something to kinda hold onto. The girlfriend bought me a hair pin thing too that was really pretty and sparkly. I liked it. So now we're gonna eat and watch stuff on tv. She's been really nice to me.

But anyway, here I am and this is supposed to be a good place to talk.
I'm usually really happy and funny, but today I just don't feel like it, sorry.
Oh, and I don't really understand this whole colour thing so this is mine for now but I might decide on a different one later on.

Piz

Its nice to meet you Piz, I'm Geoff. I'm glad you posted. This is a cool place to talk. It sounds like you have a pretty cool girlfriend, I'm glad she's so supportive. Anyway its nice to meet you and I hope to see you again on here
-Geoff

Nice meeting you too Geoff.
I haven't read too much here (almost nothing to be honest) but it seems like people are nice here. Thanks for answering my post.
- Piz

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!!!!!!

Sorry, I'm just so excited because I can, like, identify with you!

Everyone else around here seems to have a pretty good handle of what's going on. For me it's like, mostly a confusing blur that I just accept, you know? Like, I've learned some stuff about DID, and I've learned some stuff about my own DID, but I don't think of it as like, I personally have DID, you know? It's like, I learn it, I understand it, but I don't think of it as something I have. I'm just Kyra. (And I'm usually confused ).

I like your name! It's very unique. I like unique names (like my own! haha). You're 16? I'm 13! But I remember being 21. I remember 2 versions actually (apparently, one set of memories is real, which is the really fuzzy-full-of-blank-spots set, and my set of memories isn't real because I was "living inside" apparently. Of course it's the clearer, easy-to-recall memories are fake ). So I kinda remember, barely, somewhat being 16.

The girlfriend sounds like the boyfriend I apparently live with (he's not my boyfriend!). He was really nice to me, and tried to help me feel better about everything. He said he would've bought clothes for me if we'd had the money. He did help me find a pair of knee-high socks (that's what I'm used to wearing), so that was nice. None of these clothes are really mine, though. BUT I got lucky! The roommate that I apparently live with, Thom, he's got a girlfriend, and she let me go through the clothes she was going to give to Goodwill and pick some stuff out. So now I have a hoodie and a tank top that I like! And the knee-high socks that the boyfriend helped me find are always kept/left clean for me to wear!

It's ok that you don't feel very happy or funny today. I didn't feel very happy when I found out stuff like this either. (I wasn't usually a happy 13 yr old anyway back when I really was 13, but I wasn't confused or anything like I was when I found out about the DID stuff).
It'll get easier and better. It's sometimes kinda nice I've found, because now I have the freedom to actually be and act 13, you know? Back when I was really 13, I didn't have that freedom, I had to act tough and older and stuff. Now I can be a stupid little teenager all I want! (Well, not "stupid" exactly, but whatever).

It's cool to see you here! Hope you find some good stuff on TV!

~Kyra

Hi Kyra. Thanks. I like your name too.

I know what you mean. I hear so much information about it and I can, to a point, wrap my head around it. But not for myself. I'm me. I have my memories. I am myself. I can't get my head around this happening to me.

Of course it's the clearer, easy-to-recall memories are fake

This made me smile; I like your humor. Of course they are right

he girlfriend sounds like the boyfriend I apparently live with (he's not my boyfriend!). He was really nice to me, and tried to help me feel better about everything. He said he would've bought clothes for me if we'd had the money. He did help me find a pair of knee-high socks (that's what I'm used to wearing), so that was nice. None of these clothes are really mine, though. BUT I got lucky! The roommate that I apparently live with, Thom, he's got a girlfriend, and she let me go through the clothes she was going to give to Goodwill and pick some stuff out. So now I have a hoodie and a tank top that I like! And the knee-high socks that the boyfriend helped me find are always kept/left clean for me to wear!

I'm glad you have some things. I needed something to hold onto today as mine. Apparently though, she's not my girlfriend. She's the girlfriend of Nin (who I have no idea who is) and is starting something with Emma (who I have seen a few times) and Lin (who I have seen from time to time). I don't understand this but you can't understand everything I guess..

It's cool to see you here! Hope you find some good stuff on TV!

I found The Simpsons, which of course is great. Also helped a tiny bit with baking. I've never made food or baked or anything but I really needed a distraction so that's what it ended up being. I am, it seems, going to a birthday tomorrow so I needed to bake for that. I have no idea who even has a birthday. We'll see if I'm the one who will be remembering tomorrow then. Good thing? I found out I own 13 seasons of The Simpsons. That's a good start, I guess? Well that and that I do have someone supportive around here. My girlfriend or not, she's been really good to me today even though I've been upset and tired.

Good meeting you too.
- Piz

HI!, I am 13 too!!! I am DeeDee .This is the first time I got out to type!!! I love to bake!! Guess I am the only one in the hall that can bake. I also clean and take care of little ones. I love it. Sorry you are sad today. Across the hall is Dee She is 13 and sad a lot. I love her! We are like sisters. Our T thinks we are the same person. He is goofy sometimes.

OH , Kelly 49 just came, she said It is okay I am here. I thought I would have to hurry it up or Diane or Kelly Diane or Kelly D would get mad fast . I hear someone posted earlier and she did not know it.
I want you to know there is a teenager place to type stuff. Diane and Kelly Diane type there. Kelly has told us that I can help the ones in the nursery go on a place here with little kids. I hope I get to type here again.
You are so lucky you got to go shopping!! I made cookie dou today. I am hoping I get to bake cookies maybe this week. Kelly never eats,so it is hard to get to bake. I cook too! I love it.They are fancy pants christmas cookies. They are mint and chocolate.

Hi Dee Dee. It's nice meeting you.
It's good getting to know about you and your 'system'.

They are fancy pants christmas cookies. They are mint and chocolate.

Cookie dough sounds good. That sounds kinda funny. I don't think I've eaten anything with mint before. I hope it was good.

lifelongthing wrote:
I know what you mean. I hear so much information about it and I can, to a point, wrap my head around it. But not for myself. I'm me. I have my memories. I am myself. I can't get my head around this happening to me.

Exactly! It's definitely not easy to wrap your head around something so big/complex. I I imagine this is how people felt when they were first being told the world was round, not flat.

lifelongthing wrote:This made me smile; I like your humor.

Glad I could make you smile. I know that when I was being told all this stuff, I needed a smile. (So I started watching funny cartoons like South Park and EVERYTHING ELSE I wasn't allowed to watch back when I was really 13! So that's one huge plus- freedom!)

lifelongthing wrote:I'm glad you have some things. I needed something to hold onto today as mine. Apparently though, she's not my girlfriend. She's the girlfriend of Nin (who I have no idea who is) and is starting something with Emma (who I have seen a few times) and Lin (who I have seen from time to time). I don't understand this but you can't understand everything I guess..

I totally understand. I felt so lost and like, un-grounded or whatever without something of mine. Nothing was mine anymore! The only stuff that was still mine were stuffed animals like Moo-cow and my backpack which apparently isn't used anymore (it's now a "back-up" backpack). I'd still like to go out and actually buy some clothes for me. Even if it's just like, one shirt or something. It's nice having the clothes I got to pick out, but it's kinda weird having them be my roommate's girlfriend's old clothes, you know? That, and they're not clothes I went out and got, they're clothes I picked out of ones that were offered to me, so it's not really like, the same. They're not really mine, mine, you know?

No, you certainly can't understand everything, especially not all at once. (I didn't know you could have a girlfriend if you were a girl... Sorry, I just learned it was ok to like girls, so I'm still learning what's all actually "ok" and stuff even for the "normal" world). The boyfriend we live with, Mike, he's not my boyfriend, he's Cassandra's boyfriend (haven't met her), Rain's boyfriend (I knew her as Riyoku, but she was just a voice to me), Ray's boyfriend (haven't met her), and used to date Kat even (I knew her as Kataki, and she was just a voice to me). I know how it works like, with the concept and everything, but again, it's hard to think of it as like, actually happening to me, so I just shrug and accept usually. I figure it'll make more sense eventually.

The only ones that I like, actually know are L.C. and Luna, but they were still just voices to me, too. I'm still having trouble sometimes wrapping my head around the fact that they're not just voices, they actually exist and stuff, and they're like, parts of me/we're all parts of the same person or whatever. At least I recognize their voices, though, so it's easier to just shrug, accept, and figure that it'll make more sense in time.

lifelongthing wrote:I found The Simpsons, which of course is great. Also helped a tiny bit with baking. I've never made food or baked or anything but I really needed a distraction so that's what it ended up being. I am, it seems, going to a birthday tomorrow so I needed to bake for that. I have no idea who even has a birthday. We'll see if I'm the one who will be remembering tomorrow then. Good thing? I found out I own 13 seasons of The Simpsons. That's a good start, I guess? Well that and that I do have someone supportive around here. My girlfriend or not, she's been really good to me today even though I've been upset and tired.

Good meeting you too.
- Piz

I wasn't allowed to watch the Simpsons in the past. I've seen a few episodes, though, newer and older. I like the older ones better. It's cool that you like it though, and even cooler that you found 13 seasons of it that you can watch. That's definitely a good start. I've never really baked before either! I've gotten "baked", but I haven't actually baked before. (I smoke weed. It really helps me to sort through fake/real memories and to not feel so lost and confused. I don't smoke it a lot because I'm still a "newbie smoker" (I've never been "out" for smoking before now, but I smoked it in my "fake" life when I was 21), but I do smoke it when I'm feeling really confused/anxious/lost/panicky, and it helps calm me down). I'm glad that you have the girlfriend there to help you out, and as long as you like being around her, who cares if she's your girlfriend? And it's ok that you're upset and tired. I was such a wreck, I had 2 panic attacks and Mike had to come pick me up at a public transit stop that was apparently 4 stops before we usually get off (there's a long distance between stops). I've had panic attacks the past 2 times I've been "out" or whatever, so you're not alone the "being upset" category. I haven't had a panic attack today yet, though...maybe it's because I'm at the apartment I know I live at (now), and the other 2 times I was in public places, and enclosed places on top of that (like a bus or something). *shrugs* I know that eventually everything will get easier, so I'm sure it will for you, too.


~Kyra

HI Kyra. I am DeeDee and I am 13. how old are you? I don't even know if I can ask that. You can ignore it if I cannot.You are lucky to get stuff to wear. I am folding towels that I just washed. They are soft and warm. I guess DID has something to do with where I live too. It sounds like it does for you and Piz too huh.

dianezz wrote:HI Kyra. I am DeeDee and I am 13. how old are you? I don't even know if I can ask that. You can ignore it if I cannot.You are lucky to get stuff to wear. I am folding towels that I just washed. They are soft and warm. I guess DID has something to do with where I live too. It sounds like it does for you and Piz too huh.

Sorry, I didn't see your earlier post before! (I miss stuff a lot). Hi! I like your name. You can totally ask that! I'm 13 as well. I kinda feel lucky about having stuff to wear. I mean, I'm not like, ungrateful or anything, but it'd be kinda nice to be able to actually pick out and buy something for myself, you know? So it'd actually be mine. I'm sorry you don't get stuff to wear. Maybe you can ask if like, you can buy something that's not like, name-brand or anything so it's cheaper or something? Or maybe you could ask for a shirt or something for Christmas? I don't know how stuff is for other people so sorry if I say something wrong. Ugh I hate folding. I don't mind doing laundry, but I hate folding. I do like fresh warm clothes, though. Yeah, DID apparently affects me and the voices I hear (that apparently aren't just voices). I understand it all just fine, but it's just so hard to look at it as something that affects me, you know? That's why I usually just like, accept things the way they are now and figure it'll make more sense eventually.

That cookie dough you made sounds like it'll make some freakin' delicious cookies. I have no idea how to make stuff like that. I know how to work a microwave and a toaster, and that's about it! I barely know how to make mac n cheese, and that's only because the voice called Rain told me how to boil water!


~Kyra