Association with abusers

**Warning (content discussing abusers)**
therefore might contain strong subject material

Following on from the werewolf analogy and little miss red riding hood:

It got me thinking how I feel like red riding hood, having come close to the 'wolf'' in the past, if we can call the wolf an abuser or abuse in this thread. And miss red riding hood the more innocent child or situation.

But it also made me think about what are the consequences of such wrong attachments. having discovered introjects or alters that can take on the abusers persona or hold their own actions. sometimes i feel like the wolf now too, maybe not in action but in temperament. And I'm unsure what to think about all this being fairly new to this kind of stuff.

In my own personal experience, I often didn't think much of 'abuse', and would brush it aside. But now I feel I'm coming close to the persona of the 'abuser', that's another whole different story and one more difficult for me.

Does anyone relate? Or knows much about 'associating with a abuser' and how this changes our lives?

forgive me if this is too sensitive a post and i can change it, or don't comment if you don't want too, as I'm sure its a horrible issue.
Thanks

<Hi Fightforlife.

This is just like us! We also have plenty of abuser-mimicing parts that do the same terrible things to other parts as the actual abusers did. =/ They mimic their mindset, their way of speaking, repeat the same words they said etc.

It is a tough f***ng subject but that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be discussed. It actually makes it even more important to discuss! So please don't remove this topic. At some point we have to face these issues and try to recover from them. Even if it hurts like SOB... =/

I have noticed that ALL our abuser-mimicing parts have endured the same kind of abuse they inflict on other parts. So basically they try to understand/cope with the abuse by trying to see the terrible things from the abuser's/abusers' point of view. It's very child-like thing to do...at least I have read something like that. And this is something our system has.

So we can truly relate!>

I have noticed that ALL our abuser-mimicing parts have endured the same kind of abuse they inflict on other parts. So basically they try to understand/cope with the abuse by trying to see the terrible things from the abuser's/abusers' point of view. It's very child-like thing to do...at least I have read something like that

Yeh I think that's what I've noticed also, its kind of like their coping strategy, and for them to express their own anger or hurt etc as I guess the abuse sort of has to go somewhere and end up somewhere. So I'm just wondering if its still in our system or trapped in some of the alters and hasn't actually been dealt with yet.

Are you talking about having an abuser alter or something else?

Well that's part of it, but that would perhaps originate from spending time or being in close proximity to an abuser? I think I mean though, at the time when that occurs and we've been in their presence, how this can affect a person? I.e d.i.d and alters would be a consequence. I'm starting to think more about 'their' behaviour, the motivations and why's, rather than my own, but whether we're now related or not, like are attachments formed or characteristics shaped at those times, can it brainwash someone? Am I also now a part of their own actions?
(Sorry not making much sense )

Ok i think i understand. But the second part of what you explain, by "them" do you mean the alter, or the 'original outside person' that's an abuser?

Yeh the outside person. That's a good way of looking at it.

Haha ok. Well i hope i am understanding right, but are you basically asking if the 'outside person' can influence your actions and such by you witnessing their abuse (towards you or another)? And not just the fact that one might create an abuser alter as a result of the abuse received, but instead (or also) you become like them because you sort of see and 'inherit' their actions?

Yes that's what we're saying

Ok. I'm actually reading up on that sort of thing currently, though of course i'm no certified expert or anything. But they say that both can effect a person in that way. Whether the 'outsider abuser' directs their abuse towards *you*, or another person (say, if that outsider abuser is a parent, the other person usually would be the other parent), or both, then *you* will pick up on that, it's a learned behavior, subconsciously. *You* see that the abuse is a way to life, and on a deeper level, a way to relieve pressures on oneself. So especially at a young age, *you* pick up on this and learn it. It doesn't happen to everyone of course, but it can be common. Especially if *you* are the one receiving at least part of the abuse. That's why abuse can run in a long chain, and be passed down. Even if it doesn't run as deep as *you* creating alter personalities, including perhaps an alter abuser, just the presence of the abuse in the household can be learned into *you* (the child). That's why most abusers, will have been abused themselves as a child, or at least witnessed it in the household. When a child is growing up, they learn how to do things and function as a human being by their surroundings, mainly their parent(s). So it can grow on them in a way, even if part of them things/knows it is wrong on a certain level. And in that way, they can grow up to be just like them, and use abuse on others themselves.

I hope that explains what i'm trying to say lol.

(by the way, by *you*, i don't specifically mean you, just anyone in general.)