Dissociation getting worse and worse...(possible trigger)

I keep cutting myself and forgetting about it. I've attempted suicide before and forgot about it. The other day there was blood all over my bathroom lightswitch. I don't remember how that or the cut on my finger got there.
I'm really scared.
It used to happen back last year in November that I'd be controlled by alters, but would remember most of what happened. I had SOME control. I could talk to them and try to get them to agree on things- be a mediator if you will. Now I can't do that anymore. They keep taking over and i have no clue what's triggering it. The sadist one took over me the other day that i did that damage. The only reason I know is because my friend who was on the phone with me said I sounded really off- had a sadistic undertone even though what I was saying was masochistic.
I'm really really scared.

Get yourself to an emergency room right NOW- you never now when this condition is going to happen again and you seem to fade in and out of consciousness and memory and if you wait- next time might be too late- your case is too serious and needs immediate attention- everyone here can give you advice and support but you need emergency treatment first- so I would go to the hospital ASAP, and DON'T try or do anything rash- stay alive and things'll change around, trust me; but if you end your life then how will you ever know?- and there's nothing sadder than stolen potentials and lost possibilities and you will be robbing yourself of any chances you ever had for something great to suddenly strike and flash into your life like lightning if you decide to commit suicide- and that is the one thing more painful and tragic than the pain you are going through right now...

I'm 23 only, but I've gone through suffering like you with intense bouts of OCD and depression all while trying to get through a tough university degree which has left me with a few white hair on my head b/c of all the prolonged stress and sleepless nights of undergrad (and then factor in OCD and depression- it was shi##y) but I'm still standing somehow and now my life is taking a turn for the better- I feel better, my grades are shooting up from 2.70 and even worse the prior year to a 3.8 GPA this past year- (maybe med or optometry will accept me I don't know) but the same thing will happen to you, when this trouble passes over, your life will again take a new tone, a better tone, a happier tone, and you'll recover- it may not look that way right now- but thats the test to see if you can hang on, and trust me life will get better after all the sh#t has passed over...

hey vampiricmiasma,
i understand where ur coming from i do this a lot i dont think i have dissociative disorder NOS well mayb i do i dunno, whats the nos bit mean? anyway ive bn doin this for a while but recently its happening a lot more. ill go blank then out of no where im bleeding and i have no idea how they got there or any recollection of do it, so im just there thinkin, what?? how? i didnt do that did i? its driving me mad, im blanking whole conversations and i have to ask ppl to repete things all the time, its embarresing and ppl think im ignoring them, its reli frustraiting im missing whats been happening, and i cant take how messed up my emotions are rite now it feels like all my emotions are tearing apart/becoming seperate inside me, ill feel reli reli happy on the out side and b suicidal inside or vice versa, or ill have diff emotions to what im ment to have like when something happens and im ment to b sad, ill b hyper or giggley and when im ment to b happy ill feel cold and dead inside and have no reaction, its driving me crazy along with some other stuff, but before i go into any of that and make a fool of myself, how do i no what this is? is it this? or am i just over reacting and being weird? plz help im lost and so confused

huh?

-I wanted to reply to your thread and see if you are still on the boards. You are one of the first any only people I have come across with situation so very similar to my own experiences. if you are still around maybe we can converse on the subject. if you are well now please hell me how you did it. -J.

Please get help-I also use too cut while in a dissociative state-its so fighting -Iam going out but will come back and post more----coming 2--covered in blood with no memory of doing it was the worst part of any of my mental health issues-

Ive had great therphy and it no longer happens-I still Dissociate but dont cut--

go well

Hi ya again vampiricmiasma


-got shopping done now-its going 2 be hot hot hot and wanted all outside jobs doen early

-Ive just joined-it was sad 2 read of your cutting experience as its

so similar 2 mine and as another poster said they had never come
across some-one else who cut while in dissociated state-thank
you so much for being brave and posting-well I think your brave-

Iam in my 40+s now-most of the worst cutting was in my early
20”s-late-teens-mine was from unresolved issues of childhood
sexual abuse-I am blessed in that I have a great therapist -Iam
leaving therapy in a couple of months after 6 ½ years with him-


If Iam getting triggered a lot now-I let 2 of my best pals know so that they can keep an eye out for me-

Iam still dissociating but not like I use too-it only happens now when Iam under huge stress-I found DBT skills great and also learning to keep my base-line-anxiety as low as possible-other things I do-I NEVER have razors in the house-or things I have cut with in the past-I keep my house as safe as possible-4 me this also means keep only low amounts of medications in my home-I don’t drink anymore cos with me that can help just push me over into a dissociated state . I have no magic answers 4 you-but please know that your not alone-and things can change for you-)



One of The saddest days of my life was---Coming2---covered in blood in a public toilet- I needed a huge amount of stitches -No idea still how much time I had lost etc-the horror of doing this while in a disocative state -is --I have no words 2 be honest- I think unless You have been there you cant know the sheer horror and the feelings that come after--the FEAR that u may do it again-the Fear keep me inside my house for near 2 years-I was so frightened by all
-

I didn’t know that I dissociated until I entered in2 therapy-my T broke it 2 me generally -My ex -I was with him 9 years-would accuse me of being places and being seen-we would argue-

I now know he was right-I still met ppl”s now who know me and I have NO recollection of them or where I knew them from-I just bluff it-my dissociating is the worst for me of my mental ill health issues-I can cope with the eating disorder-the OCD-the PTSD-well I limp with the PTSD--cos it really is the gift that keeps on giving-

I use humor lots-it helps me -so much fear still with the PTSD--but I can now say-I love my life even with all its complexities -its hard work and it is work-!!-I also use flash-cards that I carry with me At All times-these help ground me if I start2feel depersonalized -I carry my T”s business card with me @ all times in case some-thing happens etc-

Acceptance - wow-its taken me years too accept myself - my Whole self--self’s-- I can live with self and do lots of self talk around my identity-identities - I speak 2 Little Lou-I speak too Scooter girl-I love them up-I let them know that 2day is NOT back then and that they’re safe etc- I honor them by trying my best -is all any of us can do-

I hope you have a skilled Mental-Health worker---I wish you well in your journey

and also thank-you Artifexofsomnium becos like U said I had also
never come across others who cut while in a dissociative state-so thank-you- I hope your around the site or pop in some-times-I would like 2 post 2 u-with you and dialog - I would like too post about this with ppl"s cos I know I didnt talk-post about it cos I had been thinking others cant have been doing it etc and I felt so alone and like a freak4 years --co co co co--I have dysitica - c I cant even spell it-so please excuse any spelling mistakes-I use spell checker but its just not up too the job some-days