Struggling with trust, accepting and allowing parts 'out'

I don't know wether out is the right words..
But basically I'm aware I have 'parts', my current counsoler and past counsellors have spoken about them in the past.. and reading didnos description really resonates with me.. I also have an abusive, neglected and isolated childhood upbringing.

I feel as though I have a 20 foot wall around myself which lets nothing in and nothing out.
Ive been in counselling again recently for just over 13 weeks and its taken me that long to figure out if I can trust her and start to let the counsellor peek over.. Well now my sessions with her are up and I need to find a long term counsellor. 13 weeks is a long time and many ££'s to figure out if I can trust a new counsellor then theres the inner struggle of actually letting her see all of me..

The last part is the real struggle.. Every session with every counsellor I have an inner struggle to allow my parts to express themselves. Like I know I have an angry part that sometime wants to yell at counsellor.. Theres a young part that wants to curl up with my scarf and suck my thumb and possibly a separate young part that wants to sit on the floor.. Also a part that wants to play with the toys outside her room...

But allowing these parts to express these things is hard.. A few years ago a counsellor tried to meet some parts by giving them each a chair.. Well i distanced myself and stopped going..

Counselling today I sat ridged the whole time determined to not let them out.. Last week I tripped up and did for the last few mins at the end..
But this is not how I REALLY want to be.. some parts really crave outside love, attention and understanding.. But another part won't let any of it happen...

How do I get around it?
Is this normal?

Yes, that's normal. And re your questions in the other forums here: sure you can go back to the therapist from 5 years ago.

I'm posting this here mostly to advise other readers that your thread on the same topic in the DID Forum is getting a lot more response.