general advice on what people think? please read

Hi
i previously posted on the abuse forum cause i think thats the cause of my depression. but here i ask a different question, if thats okay. i find it really difficult to talk about my true feelings to my phychiatrist (suicidal thoughts, self harm and things) as i feel ridiculous and pathetic talking about it. Ive seen her for over a year now, and i suppose i just worry (bad anxiety) that she will be disappointed in me, or be mad or upset with me and tell me not to be so silly. so what i ask is, how can i find a way of talking about it? ive tried writing it down but i find that i need to burn it because i really fear other people will read it. the shame is unbearable, and im sorry if that offends anyone. this is just something that even my parents and siblings know nothing about, i visit her alone, travel there alone and things. its really distressing seeing other patients go in with their parents to support them and i have to be there alone. but how could i ever tell them when they are the cause? ive suffered with clear depression for at least 3 years and yes im only 17 but this is something that is seriously affecting my life, i cant have relationships with anyone (friends) they break down very quickly. sorry if i left anything out i just dont know what to do. ive been to my doctors and camhs is the only thing that can help me now, (the phsychiatrist that i go to are from there) as they are the only ones that can give me medication, ive had CBT for a while now and i have really bad mood swings, where i go from just feeling numb to feeling like i really CANT be here and things, its dangerous, and i dont want to have to be sectioned or something after a trip to the hospital. for me its definatley something worth trying, there arent a lot of other options. im not sleeping, eating properly, i cant even think straight half of the time. its not healthy but the doctors wont help me. i only went to see them last on thursday.
thanks for taking the time to read this, whoever you are. any advice would be appreciated.

hi Jess. I know this is hard. These are just my opinions.

Your doctor likely knows there is more going on then you are telling him, based on your symptom presentation.

It is not easy to tell someone you are having serious problems, and I relate with it feeling shameful. But I guarantee you once your tell him you will feel better.

About being sectioned. You can't get sectioned unless you are a clear immediate danger to yourself or others. Suicidal ideation, without a plan (and sometimes even with), will not get you hospitalized. Self harm will not get you hospitalized except in extreme cases or if you threaten to self harm in the office. Just telling her about events (in the past - even if the past is yesterday), and thoughts, you will not get sectioned.

It's hard. You have to just bite the bullet. If you can't write it. Can you email it? Can you find some creative way to write it like... put one word on each index card and hand the doc a stack and trick your brain into giving him the info that way? There's gotta be some way... usually with stuff like this I just say '###$ it' and give it to them. You need to do it eventually anyway, why not get it out of the way and get some good help now?

regards

realmofsoftdelusions wrote:About being sectioned. You can't get sectioned unless you are a clear immediate danger to yourself or others.

^
And even with being sectioned, from experience, I don't think it does you any good unless you are in a crisis suicidal mode. Not much therapy goes on in hospital, and they only watch you for suicidal or SH tendencies and try to stop you from it. Otherwise, hospital doesn't really do any good.

Have you tried getting into DBT? I think DBT teaches better skills for SH and suicidal tendencies than CBT, honestly. You aren't pathetic or ridiculous for talking about it, you're not alone. There are different types of therapies out there that you can try that would help!