I hate being held back

One of the most irritating things about depression is how even when everything around you is great, you have friends and a level of joy in your life: everything still manages to feel wrong. and you feel so guilty about it: why cant I just be happy and content for once: just be truly joyful? right now I have quite a bit going for me: but depression always holds me back considerably. id like to know if its possible to be 'care free' atleast most of the time. cause for me, im a good actor... i can pretend im care free. but i want to actually feel joy for more than a few minutes at a time. how?

I can completely understand how you feel right now.
Just recently I was formally diagnosed with MDD, and I'm on medication right now to help me deal with the emotions (or lack there of).

Do you have a counselor that you can talk to? Or maybe try seeing your doctor to ask if a medication would be helpful to you?

I wish there was more I could say to help you out, but I'm stuck in the same position as you right now.

Hi there,
I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow to get a referral to see a psychologist. Ive seen a couple therapists in the past but never followed up. This times going to be different b/c Im going to do the therapy preferably atleast 2 times a month... do I ever need it...
Im also going to make an appointment with my psyciatrist, whom I havent seen in several months. I need a fast acting anti anxiety like Ativan/clonazepam...I just cant take the anxiety anymore...,

wow...could not have said it better myself. i can completely relate to this. i guess it comes with time but i am not sure...i am still struggling to find that true joy as well