Advice

I don't kniw if this is where this should go, but it seems sort of close, I don't know how else to label this. I have been going through some very intense things lately, especially right now as I type this. I have always had fears of something watching me, something unknown and something I can't control. I also always have a feeling of battling death, where when I feel any pain internally I fear it's a horrible condition that may kill me. I also seem to talk to myself in my head, it seems sometimes I am always arguing with myself on everything. I also at times feel someone else is talking in my head. I think everyone is criticizing me and secretly hates me in some way. I don't feel connected to anyone even though I do have good friends, I just never feel like they are with me, which has made me feel lonely. My dreams have blurred everything in my past, I don't know if anything I remember is real, they all feel as if I never did them. I can spend a whole day just thinking in my head, sometimes of nothing and others about everything. I always feel deja vu aswell to just about everything. I will not lie I feel like I know typing something like this before too. I recently thought of a mental hospital, but the thought of losing friends and family confronting me or making them feel bad keeps me away. The only thing that calms me is calming music, but that is to just distract my head from thinking. I have no clue what to do and I just feel l lost. This is the first time I have mentioned anything, what makes me feel bad is I can only say it in writing.

You must go to see your doctor, if you do have clinical depression you need treatment .

I got this way before finally admitting myself to hospital for nervous collapse. Yes, definitely get medical help. I was shocked to learn depression can cause all of what you are describing, but that was true in my case. Medication has helped tremendously. There are also dissociative qualities to my diagnosis that look familiar in your description. The dissociative identity subforum of this website has some very well written information and experience shared there. But it could be any number of things and a professional will, at least, get you some immediate relief in order to sort out details once these deblitating symptoms are blunted. good luck.