Is this depression?

Is this depression? I've only ever seen a counsellor who told me that my mental state was 'circumstantial' and 'not to expect too much from life'. If I see a doctor will he prescribe me with medication? There's no way i'm taking antidepressants. Here is how I feel:

I am so annoyed at everything.

I find happy people really ######6 irritating.

I cry all the time at stuff that a normal person wouldn't cry about.

I left my position as an admin where I volunteer because everyone is really lovey dovey and they all do stuff that gets on my nerves. In the end I flipped out and decided it was better for everyone if I just stopped going. I just want to tell them all to ###$ OFF.

My head feels like it's underwater.

I fell in love with a girl who didn't feel the same way. She consumed and was the reason for my existence over the past year. Whereas I meant nothing to her.

I have very few people in my life who mean anything to me. I've never had a girl in my life.

My life is $#%^!

I JUST WANT TO GO AND JUMP OFF A BRIDGE!

Heya,

You have mentioned the 'girl' - is the breakdown of that relationship a pivotal moment in your life? I mean, did everything go downhill from there?; or were you already on the downhill slope even before that event? I have had my life turned upside-down by failed relationships too. Now, i'm rather immune to them when they fail. We learn from these thigns, but this doesn't help the fact that your life right now is on the downward spiral.

I can very muchunderstand why you do'nt like happy people. They can be quite irritating, I must admit, but do'nt you think that you just don't like them because - at the moment - your world is just so dark? THey are happy because their lives are, for all intents and purposes, good; whereas yours is 'not so good'. All of this can be fixed, however, and you have to realise this.

What exactly are your options right now? If you see a doctor, then you don't have to take medication. He/she might try to prescribe it to you, but you can just say that you'd rather not take it for now. Either way, I believe that it would be beneficial that you contuned to see either the counsellor or doctor. I believe that what you have IS depression, but it's only a short-term one. If you don't fix things, however, then it could very much turn into clinical depression or dysthymia.

Take care and I look forward to your response my friend
Kevin

Thanks for your response Kevin.

It's not that i find all happy people irritating. The ones who are genuinely happy i actually respect. It's the ones who pretend that everything's all fine when you can tell that it isn't that annoy me. Probably because i can't hide it myself.

It wasn't a breakdown of a relationship. It wasn't even a relationship. It was totally unrequited love. And it was all an illusion and i don't have as much in common with her as i thought i did.

No she isn't where it started the unhappiness has been going on for a couple of years, ever since i didn't do too well in my exams. I eventually did well in them but the unhappiness with my life didn't go away. I don't really know how to explain it but the way i thought about the world changed and now I can't seem to change it back. I very occasionally cried but nothing like I do now - on a regular basis, or thought about dieing before i met her. But even now i'm not even unhappy about her. It's just created a state of mind that is unhappy. And I can't get out of it. And it's screwing up my life and affecting my relationships with other people.

Hey again. okay - I understand a bit more this time. I also dislike those who 'pretend' to be happy, but I guess they only do it in order to get along with others. If we were sad all of the time, then we would become isolated (as you are finding right now...). So, I guess that one can understand why some resort to faking happiness. I have to admit that I do it too, but I also have people in my life with whom I can express my sheer frustration and anger at the world. Do you have anyone like this in your life too?

I guess that the best thing I can say to you now is to re-organise your lufe's goals so that your future path can become that little bit more clear... There is always time to change in life!!!!

Kevin

Thank you,

Yes I am finding myself isolated right now. I'm upset because I want to get on with people but I find it so difficult ! I don't understand why I find it so difficult and I don't want to end up like my grumpy dad I feel like i'm turning into a mirror image of him and it's making me feel sick just thinking that I might end up like him. The other night I felt something that I haven't really experienced before. I kind of blew a fuse and couldn't really feel any more emotion. I wasn't upset anymore, but I wasn't happy. I was just numb and it scared me because i've heard of people becoming numb to the world.

Yeah, thankfully I do have some people who I am truly friends with and can share anything. But we don't meet too often as we all go to different unis.

Heya, you don't still feel numb, do you? It's not a good feeling to have - I know - as it can make us appear like zombies to others. Anyway, when you blew that fuse, I'm guessing that it was the result of pressure/frustration having built up inside you fora long time (...no?). I have done the same, but realise now that it's better to get anger out in short, mild bursts...

Kevin

Hi, thanks for all your replies! No the numb feeling had gone thankfully when I woke up in the morning! Yeah it was the bottling up of pressure and someone tipped the balance. It was a one off situation that doesn't normally happen to me - usually I do say what I think but for practical reasons I couldn't in this instance.