Schizoid depression

I know the topic sounds like an oxymoron, but hold on there.

I am new to the forum, a 22 years old male. I was just recently diagnozed with major depression, which is caused by my schizoid personality disorder. As you might have guessed, my psychiatrists lured me into a trap and got me to admit that I have feelings, and feelings of depression no less. A tough spot for a schizoid, although I am still very careful to suppress and to not show any emotion outside. Amusement I can show but anything else is out of the question.

I originally sought help due to the fact that I neglegt my schoolwork and housework to a dangerous degree. My psychiatrists originally suspected schizopfrenia because of my blank expressions and body language, because I talked of me and my experiences in an objectifying tone, and because they mistakenly took my panic attacks as psychotic breaks. One psychiatrist still finds it hard to believe I have depression because I can talk about the hardest of times without betraying my voice or facial expression.

I don't really write all this to cry on a sympathetic shoulder, but I am more interested in practical advice. How do depressed people live with the fact that nothing gets done? I have to spend every bit of energy just to get the minimum effort done so I could just survive. As a student I don't really get any money, and my school is going to hell because of my non-existent motivation and energy.

Also, please write similar experiences if you have them, and any tale of not getting things done. I guess I am interested to hear these things, if not for the comfort of knowing there are others, then for the sheer intellectual curiosity.

Hi,

Though not diagnosed schizoid, I think I am. And currently doing depression therapy over the internet. At the age of 22 I was not capable of recieving therapy, though I needed it looking backwards. Now I am 35.

For some reason I always managed to keep on going, I had terrible times as a student, very despairing, but I always made sure to keep on going. After my graduating, I was unemployed for some years, because of lack of motivation. Well when I was unemployed I could not get anything done, and my psychiatrist made sure I got a house, and then I was so nervous for getting a job I just couldnt, scared of people. At some point the people who gave me benefits started to push me more for getting a job. They thought I should be able to get jobs easily having a university degree, but I had now will in me, no motivation. In the end I started working, and now I already work again full time for 5 years, and currently hoping to also invest some time in me being a human being instead of merely a work horse.

I dont know if I can give practical advice, just share experience I can. At least I consider myself to be a depressed schizoid as well. Most motivation I currently get while having in the back of my mind that life is pointless anyway, so I play piano for example which is pretty useless but it makes up for some of the emotional life I miss. Also work I see as some form of entertainment, I can only survive at work if there is some stuff there with which I can play, being creative. But maube I am lucky with my work, I hope you have some activities you enjoy, just helping you to pass time.

I totally understand what you're going through. I've been a loner since I can remember. I don't have close friends and I like being alone. But when I started high school, I started to unravel. It took me until my second year in college to reluctantly ask for professional help. First was with the school's mental health service, I only when to one appointment because I just couldn't open up. Much later, I knew had to ask for professional help because I wasn't going to classes or finishing my school work. I'd get frustrated with myself because the school work was easy enough but I didn't have the energy or will to get anything done which only enforced my depression. I've only started therapy a short time ago and I'm a long way from being 'cured'. I know this isn't good advice, but all I want to say is your not alone in what you feel or don't feel. Stay strong.