Advice about depression

I haven't really been prepared to admit to myself that I can't deal with my depression anymore, but truth is I probably really can't. I'm sure the best advice you can give me is get professional help. All good there, except I have really, really bad experiences with psychiatrists and psychologists. Three years ago I spent a week in a mental hospital, back when I was 15, because of panic attacks and anxiety. The result of me going there at all was great - I never ever had a panic attack again, never ever had trouble sleeping because of anxiety again. I learned more about panic attacks, learned that I couldn't die from them and that I was just fine and wanted help from my parents, doctors. Here's where the story begins in the first place - I had problems with severe depression beforehand. I didn't realize it, I had no clue such thing even existed, and the feelings of never wanting to wake up again felt terrifying. So, after things got better concerning anxiety and panic attacks my depression returned, since I got no real help from doctors or 5 different psychologists I went to. After a year after my hospital stay I stopped visiting the last psychologist I was going to since she didn't help me at all and I went there for a whole year. I've been avoiding talking about my problems ever since, avoiding the fact that I have a problem. Throughout the entire 5 years this has been going on I have been struggling with different kinds of addiction - drugs, alcohol, food. But somehow it never got really bad because deep inside me I was always hoping for a better future and that kept me going and quitting drugs/alcohol over and over again. Though, it could never keep me from starting again. Right now I am in another period of being entirely drug/alcohol/cigarette free, and the depression has been pretty bad again. Is quitting smoking, alcohol, drugs enough? I don't know where to turn anymore - but I am so, so sick and tired of feeling like this after so many years. So sick of crying alone in my room thinking tomorrow's another day, let's hope for the best... Then the next day it is no better. Plus I'm really antisocial when I don't drink or such, I keep for myself and don't go out except when necessary.

What should I do? I don't really want medication, my entire family has a history of addiction to all sorts of pills. I don't want my well-being to depend on some little pill. But if there really is nothing else...

I've tried healthy eating, exercise, all sorts of stuff that is supposed to help.
Hurts to see how some people can just simply be happy most of the time.

Hi Rinnae. Sorry to hear you're struggling with depression and addictions. I've been in the same spot. When you feel really down, you seek relief, and drugs and alcohol give you this. I once read that depressed people who use drugs are "self-medicating" themselves. Of course, not the best and right way to help yourself. But when there's a lot of inner pain and suffering, this is very understandable.

You have tried the medicines/psychiatrists/psychologist route, and it so far didn't work. It could be that you just did not find the right medicine or the right psycho-therapy for you personally. So these things can still work, if you find the right approach.

But for me these things didn't help. So at some point I started doing Self-Improvement and Self-Help. This has worked great for me, and maybe it can also work great for you. You've already done exercise, so that's a form of self-improvement. Exercise can help with depression, but alone it's not enough. Depression is a more complex and difficult beast to just beat with only exercise. (I do recommend you keep doing exercise).

Here are some things that worked for me really well. I suggest you do multiple of them together. When you use multiple treatments and the same time, you will cure more quickly and get bigger results. This is called synergy.

1. Change your thinking. Read some books about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Become your own therapist for a while. (CBT for Dummies is a good and understandable book). Learn to improve your worrying thoughts. Become a little more positive and optimistic in your mind.

2. Learn about Goal-Setting and Visualisation. These two have helped me immensely in life. They can help you pull you out of your depression. This book is not totally related to depression, but the ideas can be used to cure depression. That's what I did. Maybe it's an idea. http://www.amazon.com/Mental-Edge-Kenne ... 508&sr=1-1

3. Read Self-Help books. Take a couple of hours and surf Amazon.com for good books. Find Top 20 lists of the best self-help books, and buy a couple of them. Some good ones are: 1. The Spirituality of Imperfection 2. The Road Less Traveled. 3. The Power of Now. Can be found on Amazon or major book stores.

4. Listen to Self-Improvement Audio Tapes. Look for the names Brian Tracy and Anthony Robbins. Here are their websites (their programs are well worth their money). http://www.tonyrobbins.com/ and http://www.briantracy.com/ - Especially look for "Psychology of Achievement" by Brian Tracy. These audio programs can really help you, especially if you use and apply what you learn in daily life.

5. Socialize more, if you have the energy. Find and make new friends, if you can bring yourself to do it. Having good friends and a support group can really help.

6. Find the right therapy program for you. I know you already tried this, but maybe you didn't find the Right Therapist or the Right Therapy, or maybe both! Take a look at this long list of different kinds of therapy: http://www.goodtherapy.org/types-of-therapy.html - Find one that fits you and your problems.

7. Lastly, make a list of all the things that you think are causing your depression. What things in life make you depressed? Are they on the Outside(the world) or are they on the Inside(your mind and also body). When you have a complete list, you will know what things must be changed to cure your depression. So if you have a list of 7 items, make a little plan for each of these. If a relationship is giving stress and making you feel depressed, change something about the relationship. If your body and/or body-image is making you depressed, start a healthy fitness program. (I like this fitness website: http://www.naturalphysiques.com/) I hope you get the idea: be a little systematic in treating your depression. Don't leave things up to chance.

I strongly belief that depressions are usually the result of the situation you are in in life. If you want your depression to change, your life must also change, a little or a lot. Just talking yourself out of a depression does not always work (sometimes it does).

Take care, and if you have any questions feel free to ask.

I'm self medicating with everything that helps even a little bit.. I even overdosed on coffee the other day, had a migraine so bad I had to stand on my head to feel a bit better... Sounds stupid, but seriously, I did and it helped. Felt good drinking coffee, made me feel awake and alert and my mood was better. So now I'm cutting down on coffee too. I can't do anything 'moderately'.
I'm just so passive, I wait for everything to happen and it's so darn hard to start taking control of my life since the main thing is just gone - like self esteem and simply enjoying life - that makes it all so easy. I don't shuffle through life with ease like I used to, the interest for doing anything is also gone. Goals, you say? I can't just make some up, I'm not interested in anything, not in any particular subjects not in continuing my life. Add up that and a little bit of social anxiety at times and you probably get why it's so hard to change anything.

I try to socialize as much as I can. I just can't find any good reasons why would anyone want to hang out with me. I'm a pretty depressive person to be around since I'm down and pissed off most of the time... If I hang out with someone too much they just start to piss me off. I've never been able to keep friends.

Good advice though. But I've just read so much on it, I know all that I should do.. But realization is another thing if you don't even have the will to wake up in the morning..

And this post I'm just writing makes me realize that I do perhaps need a therapist. Feels good to talk about it. The main reason I posted this in the first place is because I was contemplating actually going to a doctor again or not, getting some pills anyway or something, but you wouldn't believe how much courage it takes on my side to actually go there and make an appointment.