I feel so broken and useless

Hi, i'm new here, I stumbled across this forum after clicking a google link to an unrelated thread. I have spent a good hour looking through other peoples posts on numerous threads,i have read some horrific story's on here that make me feel absolutely terrible that i am going to winge on about something that doesn't compare to childhood abuse or schizophrenia. But after nearly 6 months of feeling like this, i am generally scared of where my thoughts are taking me and stumbling across this site seems to be a candle in the darkness. I don't know if there is a limit on post lengths or if anyone will actually read/reply to this but i need to talk. I am not sure if this belongs in this category or not, if it doesn't, i apologize.

i'm a 20 year old male who split up with his girlfriend late December, i loved this girl, i lived with this girl for nearly 3 years the split up was due to paranoid thoughts that she would cheat ( past girlfriends all had ). It destroyed me when we split, i spent the best part of 3 months going to my part time job then drinking myself stupid everyday, a weak way for a person to attempt to deal with it i admit and certainly no solution this started off a downward depressed spiral. I have spoke to other girls and i had a girlfriend for 2 months and i cheered up a bit, put the partner of three years out of my mind ( sorta ) but with that also coming to an end, i feel like i am dependent on the companionship and i dont think this is healthy. The first breakup helped me realize i have some serious problems that need sorting.

I have absolutely no confidence or self esteem, i left school in year 10 ( 14/15 ), i did not attend my GCSE exams, i went to college to study in construction but goofed about in the second year, The point in that is, i have never had any idea or passion in what to do with life. My friends went off to be mechanics, university, police officers etc, i never had the confidence or passion to pursue anything. I am terrified to drive and honestly feel like i am not good at anything, or capable of doing it. I take a long time to learn. Even factory work or something along these lines, i feel like i could not do it. This is one of the many factors.

I just dont have a passion or interest to pursue, when not at work i spend my time playing video games ( cliche ? ), watching movies or doing my weights ( at home because i lack the confidence to go to a gym ). I want to go to a boxing place round the corner but i fear of new people,places. Being laughed at, the noob who cant do anything. I see that this is silly but still this is pretty much my life. Fear of anything new.

I'm paranoid about everything, if the door rings i assume the worst, if a friend rings me out of the blue, i assume it is going to be some sort of trouble for me, e.g i am going to be attacked, despite knowing my friends would not do this and i see no reason for them to want this.

I fear i will always be alone, i am dependent on a girlfriend but there are factors that stop me, the low confidence/self esteem, paranoia, sexual embarrassments, my penis is like 5 inches and i cum quickly, 4/5 minutes. I have pretty extreme politics, i wont go into these but they certainly will put off girls and the ones who would tolerate them would lead a life that i strongly disagree with. Are these factors just a cocktail of a grim alone future? i take solitude in my laptop, political discussions, movies and video games just like the guy does in his books out of Poe's " The Raven", but i know i should not be doing this.

The breakup lead me to suicidal thoughts, and long walks over local bridges pondering awful thoughts, i was great for a few months, but the reason i am posting this now is i fear where my thoughts are taking me. I guess this post is an extremely long way of asking how i can increase my confidence/self esteem and how to beat this overall depression, for both i have tried self help books, self hypnotherapy and i can't seem to do it and i can feel it getting worse. Please offer your methods for coping and dealing with things i'd love to hear of people in a similar predicament. Thankyou

*once again, if this is in the wrong catergory, i apologise.

Everyone starts out as a noob who can't do anything. If people make fun of you for being a noob then they are being pricks.
The only way I know of to increase self-esteem is to accomplish things and succeed at something.
Now since your confidence is pretty low you should probably try something small and relatively easy and begin working your way up to more challenging things. You could try volunteering at a animal shelter; that has limited social contact so there would be less anxiety about people.
Your anxiety/paronia sounds like it would hinder your ability to try things and go out so try reminding yourself that its just a chemical response and there are no real threats and you are safe.