I don't know what to do anymore

I don't need anybody to reply or anything i just really wanted to vent to someone who wasen't related. i can't talk to my mom because she will get depressed that im unhappy i can't talk to my friends because one of them is suicidal and then if i talk to her then she'll get depressed that im depressed n ill feel bad then my other friends don't want to hear it anymore.

Im 28 male and every day the thought of suicide crosses my mind i've tried it before failed on trying to OD on pills and i can barely even type right because my eyes are flooded with tears ... ok so i've had maybe 1-2 actual real life relationships in my life n they were both horrible when i was younger ever since then it's always been online and they are always too far away .... I feel like i have #######5 luck because the only women who find me attractive are the ppl i have no interest in and if they do they are too far away from me or already taken it ######6 sucks. i realize a fw things about humanity now a days and that's it doesn't matter what you have in common or if you like the same things ultimately it all comes down to looks everybody on the planet is shallow to some degree.

Some are just more shallow then others and it drives me nut because i wasn't lucky enough to be born in the general attractive pool so i struggle so hard to try n make my self presewntable and i keep failing to no avail. i follow everybodies advice go to events or talk to ppl who you have common interest with I DO! AND I HAVE!! it doesn't ######6 matter even ppl inside my owqn ######6 culture are shallow it's like wtf i honestly feel like im the exception when they say everybody has someone. I have been on every dating site and rewritten my profile a hundred times watched million dating /pick up videos nothing works. I've gotten tot he point of where if even women in my own culture which is one of the most looked down on ones being nerds and gamers if i can't get anybody interested in me in my own culture with out having a 4/6 pack or being hot or being one of the INCREDIBLY ######6 rare ppl who some how foudn that ONEEEEE person who honestly had such a care for looks ended up snagging someone way above trheir lvl.

I understand it's human nature beautiful ppl are attracted to beautiful ppl i get it but what drives me nuts is i'll even drop my bar a bit and still not get anywhere like seriously ? it's not like im ######6 troll or something jeesus. I sent a girl a msg yesterday had 98% match and almost everything in common both nerds both gamers both anime lovers i ask her a question about her fav anime that she list and i as i wait for an answer i notice she looks at my profile and then doesn't respond... at all... so obviously she didn't find me attractive so this experience after a hundred or more so has pretty much made me give up on finding love my depression has gotten to the point of where i wish i could just go to sleep and not wake up... i just wish i was a mind reader or someone would be blunt and honest and tell me why they don't like me why am i not good enough just to have answers...anyways. i think im done >.>

A lot of people are shallow and physical attraction is the first thing someone notices. I understand its hard to keep a high self esteem after getting rejected 1000 times. I think its important to look presentable for yourself not for others. Just be the best you that you can be.

What would you like to improve about yourself? If its the 6 pack, hit the gym. Keeping in shape could make you feel better about yourself and attract people. Get some advice about what clothes flatter you most. Be financially stable (that attracts women)...there are things you can do. Good luck.