Can't hide from depression anymore

I've been trying to suppress my depression for the longest time, but I just cant suppress it any longer. I feel like very few people care about me. I have my family and then I have a few real friends. A lot of people who I thought were real friends have walked out on me this past year and were never true friends after all. I feel as if very few people like me at school and I if I was gone only a few people would actually give a damn. So where does this stem from? Well I've always been a shy loner all throughout my whole entire life. In elementary school I was picked on, and in middle school I was picked on. I don't get picked on much in high school but I feel as if the same people are still talking crap about me behind my back. One other thing, I feel as if i have a very low self esteem and I'm gonna eventually live on the streets so this just adds on to it. My parents know nothing about this nor do I want to tell them cause I feel like they'll put me into intense therapy or something and I just don't feel comfortable talking to family about it. I would never commit suicide because, 1. I'm scared too and 2. i always have a glimmer of hope things will get better.

Dja427
I feel as if i have a very low self esteem and I'm gonna eventually live on the streets so this just adds on to it.

I have felt like this for most of my life, for me the low self-esteem and self hate comes from (emotionally) neglectful, invalidating parents. I never felt loved or wanted, I was not cuddled, hugged or spoken too. I was unspecial, unimportant, apparently.
Mother was spiteful in a passive/aggressive way
I use to think living on the streets would be where I would be more suited, I would fit in.
Why though?
Now when I look back its because I felt so poor, so very poor, in spirit. Poverty of spirit. I would have 'fitted' because the others around me would have been poor, like me.
'Normal' people, the happy, shiney, smiley, smiley, people, I wasn't the same as them. They had people who loved them, they were rich.
I was not beaten or starved the basics were seen to.
But lack of unconditional love is cruel subtle form of abuse that goes unnoticed by others. Only you know how it really is, and what makes it worse is that even if you try to confide in anyone they don't 'get it' they don't believe you so you feel even worse, invalidated and sad.

I don't know if any of that makes sense to you.

I would never commit suicide because, 1. I'm scared too and 2. i always have a glimmer of hope things will get better.

BUT we have hope here, something to work on. Firstly have you ever spoke to your doctor about your depression, if not you should. I take an SSRI and that helps me.
I don't know how old you are, but if you are old enough to move out you should, away from negative influences then if possible get a therapist (of your own choosing one that suits you) or self help that what I had to do as I had no money for a therapist.
I suspect you are young, things can change, no stop it, they really can, but it will take effort, time and you will need to step out of your comfort zone.

Just noticed, you are in high school, is going to uni an option?

Hi...

Even though your life is in a low state, you still have a glimmer of hope for your life.It is a great sign that shows you still want to live.I am sure things will change one day or the other.