Fighting depression successfully but...

It feels weird, so weird. I was abused by my exhusband and since I left him, I ve been treated from severe depression.It has been my 3rd year. Last year I finally gave up suicidal thoughts, things got a bit better. I have a job, work on Master Degree, finally started dreaming again. But ... I am not interested in simple things like shopping, reading, going out with friends. It seems so senseless. I like to be useful. Even with my busy schedule I applied for volunteer's position in Domestic Violence Intervention Center and hopefully will start soon. I started learning French. I tutor Russian. I like things like that. I want to be useful. It feels liek depression backs off when my mind is busy. But...people around me think I am weird, they dont understand me, their lives are about other stuff: children, families, romance books, etc. Mine is about education, personal growth, helping people. I know they dont understand me but i do not want to change myself to fit their tastes.But i hate not to be understood...
Also, I recently got off Elavil (successfully too), but still on Lexapro - cant get off this one... yet...

Good for you. Im glad things are getting better. Yea it sucks to be differeant most people wont understand.. trying finding some more new friends that are in diffrent groups or into diffrent things then your old ones.
I hate school but the thing is, is i dont hate it because theres work, its boring, or doing other stuff is more fun. I hate it because i barely learn anything in it. My favorite class is spainish because i learn and can learn alot in it unlike the other classes. Most people give me weird looks when i tell them my favorite class(every one hates foriegn langauges) Makes me feel out of place and a bit alone.
Just keep doing what makes you feel better.

Wow. I must say—I want to be like you.

I am trying to get into education and really use my time, but it is hard for me, and I always fight with my thoughts and wishes.

If I could be like you, I wouldn’t give dam what others think. I guess they may not like you because you are different. (People tend to like people who are similar to themselves.) And maybe, they don’t like you because you give them example how useful human life can be made, while they want to stay victims. To tell the truth, caring what others think doesn’t seem to belong to your personality. Maybe you want to find people like you, and they do exist. I think you are going to become one of the grate ones, and you’ll make difference.

If you could tell me how you changed, I would really appreciate it. I hope that maybe I could learn how to do same thing.

Wheatbagel, with friends it is tough. I am abig-city girl placed in an environment of a village. I just do not find the right pool of people around me, and cannot wait till I graduate and will move away.

O.K. ,you are right at many things you said. True, I will continue do what I do no matter who says what, but it still gets inside my mind at times. As far as how I changed...I cannot say what exactly changed me, I did several things at once- saw a counselor (still do), got a lot of support from my mom, FT job plus grad school helped, took medication. I became more selective with my "friends" and ... put my love-life on hold - i know i am not ready for it right now. I guess it is about priorities, learning to love yourself, be happy with yourself, and taking care of yourself (like, it is IMPORTANT for me to sleep minimum 8 hrs a day. I was often underslept with my schedule so i taught myself to take a nap whenever i have a chance. Works like miracle - anger , fatigue, irritation is gone. Good mood is on). I dont know if it will help you...if you have any questions - ask.

So, who are you going to be? And, where do you want to move?

Seems that you did everything you could. I was wondering what did counselor do and how did that helps you? And did you read any self help books? Second, I was wondering how do you deal w/ your feelings if you feel love? Most importantly how do you keep and live your priorities? For example if there is a time when you know what is right thing to do or what is more important, but you also wanted to do something else, so how could you overcome the bad choice?

O.K. wrote:Seems that you did everything you could. I was wondering what did counselor do and how did that helps you? And did you read any self help books? Second, I was wondering how do you deal w/ your feelings if you feel love? Most importantly how do you keep and live your priorities? For example if there is a time when you know what is right thing to do or what is more important, but you also wanted to do something else, so how could you overcome the bad choice?

No, i never read self help books. I have never been interested in them. One cannot change if they do not want to change within. I do not like to read either. Counselor...she directs you, she confirms that what you are doing is right/wrong, she suggests options, gives advice, looks for ways to solve problems. I think it depends on a certain case.
Love? what love? I said i do not want any relationships right now. I am just not interested.
How to keep priorities? Self-discipline. Well, all my family was military, have no problems with discipline.

ririna wrote:It feels weird, so weird. I was abused by my exhusband and since I left him, I ve been treated from severe depression.It has been my 3rd year. Last year I finally gave up suicidal thoughts, things got a bit better. I have a job, work on Master Degree, finally started dreaming again. But ... I am not interested in simple things like shopping, reading, going out with friends. It seems so senseless. I like to be useful. Even with my busy schedule I applied for volunteer's position in Domestic Violence Intervention Center and hopefully will start soon. I started learning French. I tutor Russian. I like things like that. I want to be useful. It feels liek depression backs off when my mind is busy. But...people around me think I am weird, they dont understand me, their lives are about other stuff: children, families, romance books, etc. Mine is about education, personal growth, helping people. I know they dont understand me but i do not want to change myself to fit their tastes.But i hate not to be understood...
Also, I recently got off Elavil (successfully too), but still on Lexapro - cant get off this one... yet...