Need help with diagnosis, and advice and just overall help!!

So im really struggling to to find the right diagnosis and im just overall having a really hard time. SO i thought maybe if I shared what was happening someone else may understand and have like some anwsers!

So heres a fast background story.

When I was 10 I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.
Then at 14 I started self harming and had my first hosptialziation.
I was then diaganosied with Depression and put on Celeza.. later changed to Cipralex (a miracle drug for 1 years!.
Then when I was 16 I started having bad mood swings the doc thought there wasnt enough prove that it was bipolar and it was just a age thing. The highs werent manic enough.
Then at Dec 2012 I was 18 at the time and things got worst I was very phsyicaly depressed and not happy with my psychiatrist so I go a new one and he started me on effexor. In Feb 2013 I had suicidal thoughts and felt so depressed so before I did anything I went to emerg. I was admitted to the psych ward. I was then started on litium, serquel, immovane and clanoizpam. About 2 weeks in I attempted sucidie. I was on a manic high and half way thru freaked out and got help. My doctor then took me off effexor and onto prozac. Then a month and a half later I went home.
I was okay for a month till I couldnt work because I was so shakey and depressed. SO I quit my job June 2013 and attempted again. I ended up taking enough to kill me but got scard again and got help. So then my doctor decieded to take me off all my meds and start over a nd see what helped. So that was about 2 months ago. I am currently only on 300mg of litium which is 1/4 my normal dose.

I went to emerg a few nights ago and stayed the night in the ward and in the morning I was told my doctor wouldnt see me another would but i had seen her before and she didnt help so I got discharged.

Now im scard.
I feel
disorented
confused
sucidial
homocidal even (which scares me because i would never want to hurt anyone)
my aniexty is bad
I want to self harm so bad, I have my wrist taped up so I dont do anything
My arms are throbing for pain ( i know this sounds nuts.)
I keep say things i dont want to
my head is throbing but not in a painful way
im scard of myself
my thoughts are jumpy and racing
im exhausted
i feel like something is really wrong
im scard of everything.. almost paranoid
im very jumpy

My worker told me a few days ago she thinks after working with me for a while that I may have OCD because I obesses over my thoughts i dont wash my hands all the time or do returals i focus on one suicidal thought and I obesses over it and soical sitiatuions and it just made a bit of sense because when I was younger id do things that seemed "ocd" like may be wrong idk

if anyone can help me please please reply!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh boy you're in a bad way, I wish I could help! The best person to help you is you, first and foremost. It sounds like you've been trying to get the help you need, just keep trying. I can relate to some of your symptoms but not all. I survived a suicide attempt, much to my surprise, I really thought I took enough pills to do the job but then a couple years later my mom killed herself. I really really don't want to put my daughter through what I went through so I'm very focused on just being okay. I don't need to be successful or really happy or have lots of things, I just need to be okay and that's good enough, so every day I think what do I need to do today to be alright, to get through; that may be lay on the couch all day and watch tv/movies/browse the internet or focus on some small goal like getting the laundry done, walking the dog, doing the dishes that tend to pile up etc.

You need to focus your attention away from you, I think we get too caught up in our own problems and stay inside our heads dwelling on them, reinforcing them; you've been through a lot but, that was yesterday, now you need to focus on right now and tomorrow. I'm not a religious person by any means but, I think Buddhism is a great set of principles and can help people with peace of mind, peace of mind is what you need, perhaps look into that?

Stay strong and good luck!