Scared and alone

Hi~
Just needed some one to communicate with. I just turned 40 a few weeks ago. I lost my mother to a long term debilitating illness when I was in high school, I lost my father to a heart attack in 2000. After he died I was caregiver to my only sibling (my sister) for 2 years until she died in 02' from the same desease as my mother.
I have no family now. At first I seemed ok but I had put my life on hold for two years taking care of my sister who lived 250 miles from me. I used to run and ride bike and do things with my friends every week. When I tried to return to my life everything was different. My friends are still around but don't get together like they used to and I only see them maybe once a month.
I have become very depressed and struggle to go to do anything with them if they do get together. I know they all know what I have been through but I don't feel close enough to any of them to recieve support. I don't want to do the things I used to, they don't seem to have any meaning and actually hurt to think to do them alone.
I had a special friend who was there for me through the last 6~7 years. We have been involved intimately and exclusevely off and on and best friends. My depression and fear of commitment has finally caused her to move on now in the last few weeks. I concidered this person my family since I have lost mine. Now I have never felt so scared and alone. Like I have no connection in the world. It is hard when there is no one to call or talk to to ask how was your day or even to know someone is caring where and what you are doing in you life or through your day.
I have been to a few counselors in the last couple years, I have also been on 4 different anti~depressants. I am trying a new one now. I always get to work and I pay all my bills but that is about it. I have alot of anxiety also.

I can relate to what you feel. That many major losses coming one after another is bound to pull you down. I'm sorry your friend left to but may be she just couldn't see how to relate to what you feel. Give your self time to grieve. Deal with your depression and take one day at a time. You didn't get depressed over night this has been going on for years as you cared for your family. Now you don't know how or what to feel. Go slow take your meds, keep your appointments with counselors and so on and time will make you function better.