I do not know how much longer I can go on....

I have been in a severe state of depression for about 9 months now. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about killing myself. I do not want to live anymore yet I am scared to death of dying. I have unbelievably large student loans. I tried to open my own office last year, but had two episodes of panic attacks/nervous breakdowns that ended me up in the hospital for a week each time I had to close my office because I was drowning in debt. I am against drugs but the therapist I am seeing is not helping. I barely get out of bed each day. I have a 6 year old son and thinking I should probably give custody to my ex-boyfriend becasue I can barely take care of him anymore. I avoid talking to anyone in my life becasue of embarrassment of my failures, I isolate myself. I took an aweful job just becasue it was the only thing out there and I needed money. I depseratey need help but do not know where to get it.

talk to someone, get a therapist.

Mel,

I suffered from depression for over three years. If I got better, you can too. I had many issues that required therapy (could not be dealt with by medication) I was prescribed zoloft at the beginning of my therapy, and I believe that it was a crucial element in my recovery. It didnt fix the problem, but it helped eleviate some of the anxiety...it didnt make the depressive thoughts and feelings go away, but it helped me not think about them as much. Saying that to tell you that you might should consider a medication just to get you over that hump. Then you start really dealing with the problems once your mind is a little less downtrodden.

As far as the debt.... I used to live in Tennessee. I worked construction and every day my boss would play The Dave Ramsey show on the radio. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE check his website out at www.daveramsey.com . (you might have to buy a book, idk, but it would be WELL worth it) Unless you happened to attend Harvard med school, or something like that, I doubt your loans are over 75,000. I heard many, many people call his show with OVER 100 grand in debt. His method of recovering from financial crisis is extremely simple...very easy to understand, and very effective. It was funny, I couldnt believe how his show survived...he told EVERYONE the same thing, over and over, but people just kept calling.

One more thing. This applies to the debt and the depression. It is going to take TIME. Perhaps more than a year to get over all of this. I know its hard to muster motivation right now, but if you can just tell yourself that you WANT to be better- then you can be better.

Zac

one more thing, if you dont like your therapist after 3 or 4 visits, GET A NEW ONE...you will eventually find one that clicks.