Advice Please?

Hi all

Happy new to you all.

I need advice regarding what I believe to be workplace bullying. Here is my story. I really need advice. Thank you!

I work as a Mental Health Supporter for a residential home. This is my first paid job. I have been working here for almost five months now. I am a very highly sensitive person. I suffered from a lot of anxiety and low confidence when I started the job. A lot of the duties I relied on the other experienced staff to train me. I was thrown into the deep end at the beginning. My anxiety caused me to have a few incidents where one of the service user's I was giving medication to, swallowed mouthwash.

Eventually I got used the routine and was able to stand on my own two feet. My anxiety got better. Mostly my anxiety was caused by being judged by the other staff. Where I thought I was getting better with my performance, the manager would say well done but the next day, in front of the deputy manager, told her I couldn't do the cleaning. Even though the previous day, she told me well done.

A month after starting my job, changes started to happen in the workplace. One of the service user's started calling some of the staff racial names. I walked into a room and overheard the manger telling the deputy manager, that her and another member of staff found it weird how this service user started saying these comments straight after I started the role. I felt she was blaming me but the manager made it clear that she was not blaming me.

I look after patients with mental health issues. One of the patients I support is a young man. He is quite withdrawn. He doesn't open at all to anyone. Isolates himself in his room for long periods of time. Quite anxious around people. In the evening, his mood lifts and he interacts with staff and other patients.

Since I started this job, I have found working with the other staff quite difficult. I don't agree with the approach they show this young man. He gets quite moody and they raise their voice to him which makes him more irritable. I have seen abuse take place.

I believe the patients should be treated with kindness and respect. I use a friendly, caring attitude towards them. I really want to help by making a difference in their lives.

Since I have started this job, I have managed to make a breakthrough with this young man. He has managed to open up to me. After a great period of time, we have managed to develop a bond. There is trust from both sides. He feels comfortable with talking to me. Smiles when he sees me. He says, I always make him feel better when he sees me.

Now he has something wrong with his blood, doctors are not sure what. When he rushes up from his bed, he shakes (has fits) and then faints. A couple of times I have been there when he has fainted.One day, he came out of his room and started to shake. In front of an Agency Staff, the manager asked me, what am I doing to him? He seems to shake everytime he sees me. I was very angry that she had made a comment like this. Worse of all, she had said it in front of another staff.

One day the manager pulled me aside and commented on me and this young man's relationship. She thinks my kindness can be seen as abuse. Regarding his falls, she is accusing me of abusing him. She thinks that my kindness is seen as I am trying to portray his lover or his mum. She feels emotional attachment between carer and patient is abuse. But I don't see the same thing. If you are building trust. Why is that abuse?

This young man has a history of self harming. She even accused me of being a reason for him to self harm. She said, he has never done this before. She even accused me off trying to invade in his space. She told me not to go in his room and to give him space. Because he may feel awkward around me. If that's the case, then I may no longer be able to work where I am working.

Also she told me, with this young man, he rarely faints. If he continues to faint, it looks bad for her. She doesn't want to be reported for anything.

I was really confused why she is saying all this. She even told me she discussed this with his CPN. I really don't understand.

She had an inspector come round. He commented on the house being dirty. She blamed me for that as well. The house has bed bugs. Three service user's bedrooms have tons of them. A few bed bugs came into the staff room. She blamed for this thinking I have been sitting in the service user's rooms talking to them. I have seen staff allow the resident's to come into the staff room. This could be why the staff room has been bed bugs.

I was becoming fed up with being blamed for things I had no part of. Everytime I have defended myself, the manager doesn't believe me. I am getting depressed about this. Everytime the manager comes in, she constantly critizes me. I feel incredibly stressed around her. When I make mistakes, she has a go at me. I feel my performance is getting bad. I can't focus on my work. I don't know what to do.

Another incident took place last week, we have a painter painting the house. He came back to finish off the painting. The manager phoned to say, the settees were on their way to be delivered. She asked who was with me. She seemed desperate when she knew it was only me. She asked me to put three single chairs into three service user's bedroom. I froze when she gave me instructions. Me and the painter put the two double chairs into the resident's bedroom. We almost killed ourselves. We struggled and got tired.

The manager came in around 12ish. After I supported one resident with giving her a shower, the manager had a go at me. I had followed her instructions incorrectly. I apologized because I didn't know what else to say. She had a go at me right in front of the painter. I had put two double chairs into two serivce user's rooms.

I went downstairs to start the lunch. Suddenly I felt anxiety coming on. I was feeling incredibly scared. Couldn't breathe. I felt like I was trapped in a cage. I needed to get out. I sat down and my head ached. I felt like I was in a constant rush. My head was racing with so many thoughts. I stayed away from the manager. This way she couldn't have a go at me.

I was writing out my notes and she asked me a few questions about the heating. She wanted to know how the heating was last night. I told her, it was hot. But she meant the radiators. I didn't check the radiators because the electric heating had been on. I completed my paperwork and asked what to do next? The manager suggested for me to take one resident out for a walk.

The service user was constantly moaning."I don't want to go out. I want a cup of tea." We walked down the road and she wouldn't stop moaning. I felt anxious and angry. So I just ignored her moaning. We got back and I asked her to take her coat upstairs. She started moaning again. I might fall. I thought she was trying to be lazy. I thought she just wanted me to take it up for her. So I walked up the stairs and stood at the top of the stairs, asking to her take it to her room. The Manager came downstairs and asked what is going on? So I told her. The Manager asked me to take the resident's coat and put it in her room. So I did.

The same resident kept asking me to make her a cup of tea, cereal, fetch her dressing gown all morning. The manager has always made it clear that we cannot do things for the residents. They have to be indepdent and do things themselves. But we must give support. So when I asked her, to take the coat upstairs. I kept that in my mind.

The next staff came in and I gave her a quick handover. I felt a little anxious with the manager standing there. I didn't want to mention about the chairs. But after the manager left the room, I quickly mentioned it. The manager walked in and asked to speak to me. I followed her into the kitchen. She asked me, if everything was okay? So I nodded yes. She felt something was wrong because she had given me clear instructions about the chairs and I didn't follow them through. Then she told me, what happened with the service user with the coat was unacceptable. She felt the resident was distressed. She could have fallen down the stairs. Because of the wet paint and the carpet. The manager felt if she hadn't been there, I would have forced the resident to come up the stairs and she may have fallen down. I tried to explain to her, that all morning the resident has been asking me to do things for her. But she didn't want to hear it. So I felt it was best not to say anything at all. The manager said, she was going to write what happened down. She told me, if I have any problems, I have to inform her so she can support me. I told her, I was having family issues. I couldn't tell her why I was feeling anxious becuase of her.The tears fell down my face and I rushed out the door.

Got to the bus stop and the other staff phoned me. I had forgotten to handover that another resiedent was at the day centre and someone needs to pick her up. Got on the bus and felt incredibly hurt. Phoned up mum and broke down in tears.

I checked my emails yesterday and the manager wrote up an incident report on the resident on the stairs. I read it and was incredibly shocked. She has made me out to be a person who abused this woman. This resident did not ask for help. I thought you cannot do things for them. They must do things for themselves. She claims I failed to carry out instructions and caused distress for other residents by putting wrong furniture into their rooms. She wants me to sign it. But I don't agree with it.

The Manager is on holiday for the next two weeks and I am feeling incredibly stressed. I am on six months probation and strongly feel I will not get this job. I don't know why I am being blamed for things that I have no control over. I have defended myself but I get ignored. I getjudged all the time. I am feeling incredibly depressed about this.

Please can someone advise me please? I haven't signed the report. Is this bullying? Being blamed for things. It feels like she is urging to get rid of me in case I may get her into trouble. What with this young man fainting?

Please help!!!!

I'm sorry to head about your situation. I was in a somewhat similar position (although not to the extent you are, more about reverse ageism in my work), where I was involved with many self-harming and suicidal clients, and was often told I was a contributing factor of the self-harm. I think there's a point, in that sometimes those clients with personality disorders don't know how to respond to others, so even though there are benefits for them to become close to someone, this is also simultaneously very painful, and with any positive change, they are likely to relapse.

Is there any way you can talk to your union, or workplace relations service? It seems very unfair what they are doing to you, and it seems like they are likely jealous of your rapport with this young man, and are picking you as an easy target because of your low self-esteem. It definitely seems like you need legal advice on what avenue to pursue, but also make sure you access some support (whether here combined with therapy, and possibly medication if you desire), because these workplace issues will continue to exacerbate your anxiety and panic.

I hope you're coping okay, its one of the most difficult jobs in the world, and because of your mental health issues, you have a better idea of what could be going on for these people, because you've felt it. Those without such understanding are often subconsciously intimidated by this, and they pick up on these difficulties as a way to bolster their own power.

I hope things start to look brighter soon. Best wishes.

Thank you. I really appreciate your advice.

Hi,

From what you have written it definately sounds like this woman has something against you.
You sound like you really care about the patients and want to help them and she just wants to make you a scapegoat by the sounds of it.
If what she has written in the report is all lies, my advice would be do not sign it! It could have consiquences for your future employment.
Is there someone above her who you can speak to about whats happening? Or could you ask her why she is treating you this way?

I hope things get better for you and you can enjoy your job
willow

So many questions going round in my head.

1.Like if the carpet was a health hazard, then why was the carpet left for over a week unsafe? All staff have been hoovering and carrying the hoover with one hand? All residents have been walking up and down the stairs.

2. Why did the manager just write out the report? Shouldn't I be present?

3. She put the report down as an Informal Meeting. What is a informal meeting? Should informal meetings take place in a kitchen?

4. Why when I wanted to explain my reasons/events the manager would not allow me to speak?

Hi thatright,

That's quite the situation you're in. I've worked in agency homes before and found the whole experience depended on whether or not the supervisor liked me. There probably are good ones out there who give employees an equal chance, but you've found yourself under direction of one of the bad ones.

It's good that you're writing out your questions. In high-stress conversations it's easy to forget what you'd like to talk about.

I suggest you continue to refuse to sign the report unless the supervisor allows you to attach your own report on the events as you saw them and get her signature on that as well. I'm not sure why that's not been an option provided to you, and it would be worth talking to human resources about the process your agency must follow. If your supervisor is intentionally trying to cause harm to your professional reputation it's only fair that she account for her accusations with solid evidence and not her emotional judgement.

I hope this resolves itself without too much stress. It's a hard thing to go through.

One thing that has come to mind, if the manager felt it was unsafe for an elderly woman to carry her coat on non safe stairs. Then why did the manager expect myself, the painter and two unwell residents to carry three heavy chairs up on three floors of stairs. So health and safety wise, she fell into that trap.