I have been reading about depersonalization/derealization briefly so I'm still confused on what they mean exactly (I'm dx'ed BPD so I know dissosciation goes along with that to a degree). I can relate really strongly to the symptoms of both though but I haven't had the guts to bring it up to a professional... Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone ever loses the ability to control yourself physically and vocally? I don't mean that my body is moving and I'm speaking without being able to stop it but actually the opposite as in I feel trapped within my body and I can't move or speak. Sometimes it's one or the other and sometimes it's both. If I can't move I can't speak but I can still move when I can't speak it just feels really robotic and detached. It feels like I have to exert a lot of physical strength to "smash" through the confines of what feels like an inner shell. You know in movies when they show the person completely freaking out but it's all just internally because they look perfectly calm on the outside? That's a pretty accurate description (& definitely goes beyond this, I do it with my anger as well to prevent hurting anyone in a verbal sense, and my belongings in a physical sense).
The physical part lasts about 15 minutes if it is during the day and I'm around people because I make more of an effort to get out of it but I have had it happen while I was laying in bed and it was over an hour before I could move again. The speech has once lasted almost a day but it can be as little as a couple minutes if people are trying to talk to me. Around people it makes my anxiety really build so I struggle really hard against it to regain that control.
Sorry that was long and I may have rambled, it took me a while to write it but... yeah, I have trouble posting my own topics sorry if I sound stupid or anything
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