confused

CONFUSED! ANGRY! FRUSTRATED! I can't remember what happened yesterday, an hour ago etc. I keep having bad 'black' moments and for a lot of the other times nothing will stay in my head. I get angry, have terrible hallucinations, hate people, don't have feelings most of the time. I am trying to read and make sense of things people put on here but nothing goes in and anything which does I'll forget straight after. When I talk to my therapist (whom iv just decided to stop working with) nothing they say goes in whatever they try and anything that has I forget anyway. I'm saying this now but later may be different when i can remember things. This forum is really confusing me unintentionally but i cant make sense of people and what they right. No offence meant by this. I want to be on this forum cos i can see there is good information if i could access and remember it. Any suggestions?

-- Sat Aug 06, 2011 9:54 am --

I also forgot to mention I work and have a degree. I've been able to stay in my job and have worked there for 18 years and do well in my job. I am really good at my job. I am a totally different person out of work. The minute i leave i switch and my memory goes blank.

Hello and welcome to the forums. I noticed you joined recently and that you have made a few posts here in the Depersonalization forum, but after reading you post here I wondered if maybe you might find one of the other dissociative forums more similar to your own experiences and maybe more helpful to you?

Here is some links to the ones that I think sound like they would fit from what you have described above....
dissociative-disorder/
dissociative-identity/

Jade20 wrote:I can't remember what happened yesterday, an hour ago etc.

I have that problem too, it is super frustrating. I particularly hate it when I realize I've asked someone a question about something I should already know about but don't seem to remember... Having memory lapses like what you describe all through your above post is much more a sign of either DID, DDNOS, or Dissociative Amnesia than of Depersonalization Disorder (that's why I put links for you to the DID and DDNOS forums above).

Jade20 wrote:I am trying to read and make sense of things people put on here but nothing goes in and anything which does I'll forget straight after.

I relate very much to that, it makes life very difficult. I actually gave up reading novels at the age of 13 because I couldn't follow what was going on, I would read a page and then wouldn't remember what had happened once I got to the end it meant that I found it hard to follow. I find the same thing on the forum here also, just as you describe, I will read it and forget straight after (that's why I put what you said in quotes, so I can remember what I am trying to comment on for the duration of trying to write the comment).

Jade20 wrote:When I talk to my therapist (whom iv just decided to stop working with) nothing they say goes in whatever they try and anything that has I forget anyway.

Why did you decide to stop working with your therapist?

Jade20 wrote:This forum is really confusing me unintentionally but i cant make sense of people and what they right. No offence meant by this. I want to be on this forum cos i can see there is good information if i could access and remember it. Any suggestions?

The thing that has helped me is to read and re-read stuff on the forums. I know that is a bit time consuming and frustrating initially but it eventually helped me lots and I think it might help you too. I sort of think of my brain in parts. If one part reads, for example, your post above then that part of my brain will remember your post. When I come back again, if I can't remember your post, I know it was a different part of my brain that was working when I read your post the first time, so now that it is a different part of my brain, I will read your post again. And I will keep reading your post every time I have forgotten it because every time that happens it is a different part of my brain that is working. Eventually I will absorb what you have said once all the different parts of my brain has worked to read your post, then I will remember. That is super time consuming but means I can eventually recall things and that the information from here will soak in. I always comment on posts I thought were interesting or helpful. Then when I come back to the forum next time I will see (but not remember) that I thought the post was helpful, so then I know what to read. Eventually this has helped me start to make sense of my experience and get some communication going between the different parts of my brain. Hopefully it might help you too. Now I imagine you will have to read my post again. I know I sure do!

Thanks for your reply even this really confused me and can't remember most but will click on other links.