I Gave UP!

I gave up the hope of ever having my DPD cured. Its been chronic for 7-8 years with no reprieve except the brief "accidents" where severe adrenaline kicked me out for two seconds and I connected to reality once more. But I can't worry about it anymore. I have no hope anymore. I've been diagnosed with BPD and possible Bipolar and all I can do is try to stay alive with my mood swings. The depression is killing me. It's pointless to even think about THIS getting better.

I will forever be dissociated and I accept that.

((((((((((homersxchild)))))))))) It's ok to try to deal with things one step at a time. Maybe just trying to handle the depression is what you need right now.

Perhaps at this point it would serve you well to develop a new outlook on your DPD?
Clearly you're unhappy with the state of your mental affairs, but (I'm sure you know) the stress of having DPD will only further worsen your symptoms.

It's something you'll have. It's something that has been employed by your mind to protect you. It's something that sets you apart. Find acceptance and pride in it. It sounds like a flippant idea I know, but if you have no where else to go, where else CAN you go? Perhaps it's time to change the internal opinion of the external if the external is untouchable. Now you can only consider your perception of DPD. I've never particularly found the desire to be attached thus I am not at a loss for dissapointment in not finding it. If you can accept it (as easy and hard as that may appear) as opposed to putting so much effort into reversing it, you will perhaps find yourself a much happier character. Not only that but if you relieve yourself of such stress the symptoms themselves will surely lessen.

In terms of depression I know what I'm asking/offering is difficult without a chemical inbalance, nevermind with one. I also understand that the depression must aggrivate your DPD. I understand that depression is a whole other boat - one I don't think I should offer opinions on due to my lack of research/experience. Are you talking to someone to aid with the depression? Are you taking any medications? What are you doing in terms of the depression?

Either way, if there's nothing else you can do the only thing you can do is change how you feel about it.
Good luck!

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP! WE KNOW THE SECRET! WE WANT TO HELP BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN THERE LIKE YOU AND SUFFERED THROUGH FRICKING HELL!!! After a year of searching for help for my 21 year old daughter we actually figured out the cure by accident! Please take this seriously because my daughter is doing very well now. She was so sad to read of your account.
We went to so many psychiatrists that I lost count and none of them helped so then we began to do research on our own. We learned a LOT about neurotransmitters. Here's the thing...everyone who is suffering from depersonalization is severely lacking in one or more neurotransmitters! Don't let ANY doctor tell you otherwise! Their knowledge is remarkably deficient in this area. I truly believe they are killing people every day by their stupidity and ignorance on this! I am not kidding! In her final days of dp before we figured out what would help, my daughter Dana was riding roller coasters for the adrenaline rush and cutting herself just so she could feel alive. Anyway, I digress. After considerable research on neurotransmitters we found out several things.
1) Most people with dp are deficient in dopamine and or adrenalin, even though they may suffer from panic attacks, it's the LACK of adrenalin that is part of the cause of them.
2) Some dp people are deficient in serotonin.
3) You can usually determine which is the problem by knowing which legal and illegal drugs u respond well to. If you do great on coffee, cigarettes, cocaine and rollercoasters. You probably have a dopamine/ adrenalin deficiency, especially if marijuana makes you more depersonalized or paranoid.

4) If you do great on marijuana you probably have a serotonin problem.

Doctors almost always give serotonin reuptake inhibitor antidepressants! This is a HUGE problem for people who need dopamine because it only makes them worse!

My daughter got an accidental clue at a party we were at one night at Halloween. A girl put some cocaine in her drink. Dana said it was her best night in years! She said she could actually see the food on the table and realize she was in the room. Later we went to our family doctor who is actually smart and told him about her problem and what happened. He laughed and told her that cocaine raises dopamine levels asked if we'd tried Wellbutrin. She said no, that she was afraid to try any more antidepressants because they were a disaster for her and made her feel suicidal. He told us that Wellbutrin works on dopamine and adrenalin so it would probably be a completely different experience. He tried her on the minimum dose and she immediately started to feel better. In fact she was so happy she cried. Then she gradually moved up in dosage until now she as at twice the normal dose because her dopamine levels were off the charts low. Anyway, she saw your letter and wanted me to write to you because she couldn't. Her computer has a virus. She wants you to NOT give up!! She is happy now for the first time in years. She wants you to know how bad she feels for you but that you CAN FEEL BETTER!!! You may have the same problem! Look into this and don't be intimidated by those doctors!!! Ask for what you want! Insist on it! Please write if you have any questions. And please let us know how you're doing! ~Theresa

PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP! WE KNOW THE SECRET! WE WANT TO HELP BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN THERE LIKE YOU AND SUFFERED THROUGH FRICKING HELL!!! After a year of searching for help for my 21 year old daughter we actually figured out the cure by accident! Please take this seriously because my daughter is doing very well now. She was so sad to read of your account.
We went to so many psychiatrists that I lost count and none of them helped so then we began to do research on our own. We learned a LOT about neurotransmitters. Here's the thing...everyone who is suffering from depersonalization is severely lacking in one or more neurotransmitters! Don't let ANY doctor tell you otherwise! Their knowledge is remarkably deficient in this area. I truly believe they are killing people every day by their stupidity and ignorance on this! I am not kidding! In her final days of dp before we figured out what would help, my daughter Dana was riding roller coasters for the adrenaline rush and cutting herself just so she could feel alive. Anyway, I digress. After considerable research on neurotransmitters we found out several things.
1) Most people with dp are deficient in dopamine and or adrenalin, even though they may suffer from panic attacks, it's the LACK of adrenalin that is part of the cause of them.
2) Some dp people are deficient in serotonin.
3) You can usually determine which is the problem by knowing which legal and illegal drugs u respond well to. If you do great on coffee, cigarettes, cocaine and rollercoasters. You probably have a dopamine/ adrenalin deficiency, especially if marijuana makes you more depersonalized or paranoid.

4) If you do great on marijuana you probably have a serotonin problem.

Doctors almost always give serotonin reuptake inhibitor antidepressants! This is a HUGE problem for people who need dopamine because it only makes them worse!

My daughter got an accidental clue at a party we were at one night at Halloween. A girl put some cocaine in her drink. Dana said it was her best night in years! She said she could actually see the food on the table and realize she was in the room. Later we went to our family doctor who is actually smart and told him about her problem and what happened. He laughed and told her that cocaine raises dopamine levels asked if we'd tried Wellbutrin. She said no, that she was afraid to try any more antidepressants because they were a disaster for her and made her feel suicidal. He told us that Wellbutrin works on dopamine and adrenalin so it would probably be a completely different experience. He tried her on the minimum dose and she immediately started to feel better. In fact she was so happy she cried. Then she gradually moved up in dosage until now she as at twice the normal dose because her dopamine levels were off the charts low. Anyway, she saw your letter and wanted me to write to you because she couldn't. Her computer has a virus. She wants you to NOT give up!! She is happy now for the first time in years. She wants you to know how bad she feels for you but that you CAN FEEL BETTER!!! You may have the same problem! Look into this and don't be intimidated by those doctors!!! Ask for what you want! Insist on it! Please write if you have any questions. And please let us know how you're doing! ~Theresa

Wow. Your response was very inspiring to me, tree22.

I will DEFINITELY bring up this information with my psychiatrist. I have been on an SSRI and currently on a SNRI. As far as I know, they do not work on dopamine.

Adrenaline causes me to come out of this. Perhaps dopamine IS the problem. Thank you so much for the reply!

Thats exacly the help I was looking for, that the dopamine is the problem, and i am so glad someone else with the same problem has positive experiences with it I will ask my doc to prescibe me wellbutrin next week!