whether this sounds like dd; how to cope with dd

So, I've lived in a sort of nebulous fog for a while now: I can think coherently enough, but I always have to return to the fact (and convince myself) that I'm the one thinking; I'm the one acting; I'm the one sensing. Ultimately, this produces a continuous internal monologue. What’s worse, my thoughts seem distant from themselves, contrived for the most part and often of a spectral quality. This feeling only exasperates in social situations -- I feel myself surrounded by phantoms in linen-flesh; but they communicate with me. That’s the horrible part: they can communicate. They know I’m there even when I don’t, as if they’re privy to some wicked charade. Basically, social situations reinforce the world’s unrealness. I’m much more comfortable being by myself where it’s easier to convince myself of the reality of things, or at least forget them. It’s impossible to forget around others.

I imagine this has to be akin to an animal consciousness. I’ve often thought that the only real distinction between animals and human beings is, fundamentally, a difference in levels of awareness (of the environment, self, etc.), and reason (which is commonly held to be the distinction), is a byproduct of that awareness. It seems that my awareness has been reduced to that of an animal -- every action seems more or less something of instinct, or routine. Things get done by themselves, and, like I said earlier, I have to stop and tell myself that I’m the one performing the action. I’ve been studying dd, and have found that some link it to anxiety disorders (and feel it more appropriate there, rather than the dissociative disorders); some to schizoid disorder (and the disconnect of emotion); some to cognitive failings (incompetent short term memory); some to trauma (where depersonalization is sort of like conversion disorder for self-awareness); some to funky toenails. In other words, no one knows a whole hell of a lot in terms of etiology, and so no “cure.”

I guess the point of this post was, first, to vent my thoughts to a white screen; second, confirm (although I understand you aren’t psychiatrists) whether what I’ve stated sounds like dd; and lastly, most importantly, ask for any advice on coping with this ubiquitous and pervasive hell.

Thank you for your time and thoughts.

Hi, smerdyakov! From what I've read on this forum, it sounds like dd might be what you're dealing with. It could help to talk about your feelings and thoughts here, so you can vent and make sense of them. There is always someone to listen. Are you getting treatment?
I agree with you about human and animal consciousness/awareness, by the way. You're still capable of reason, though. You're just a different kind of human.

Yes, this sounds like a very excellent description of how I've felt while having DD. I've had bouts of it on and off since I was aged 10. It certainly is a mysterious condition, and very disturbing to live with. Difficult to describe and seemingly no cure for it's existence.

The first time I had it, I was so young, and it came on after recovery of a severe bout with the flu, sinus infection and high fevers with fever delerium. I was physically well, but began to feel the world around me was "unreal", somewhat as how you feel when you exist in your REM dreams while sleeping. In my youth I could only describe it to my mother that I couldn't "see" things right. So, she took me to an eye Dr. which turned up nothing wrong with me. The bouts continued for several years, off and on, but eventually faded.

I never had it again till I was in my late 30's and got a severe migraine after having a chiropractic adjustment to my neck. The "aura" surrounding the migraine was exactly the same as the DD I felt as a child. This bout lasted a brief time.

The next time I got it was when I suffered a severe bout of labrinthitis (inflammation of the inner ear canals). These episodes of DD persisted for quite some time and occured off and on for at least 2 years.

The next time I got DD, it was connected with severe anxiety, and either the meds I was administered for this, or from the anxiety. i believe it was the anxiety, since I'd switched meds and still had the symptoms of DD. Believe me, it was so difficult to function, I was in near tears most of the time. Eventually, it faded, or it was that I was becoming so used to having it and existing with it, the symptoms became less pronounced for me.

I again had a very severe bout with it, where my limbs even felt unreal and if I reached my hands behind my head and touched them together, I couldn't tell which hand was which, so now I have limb disorientation with it. I believe this episode was caused by beta blockers i take for high blood pressure, and the symptoms lessened after about 6 months.

I still get it off and on, but I guess you could say that I've become hardened to it. i force myself to ignore it. It has been such a large part of my existence for so many years, I have little choice but to live with it, as disturbing as it is. I feel that the tranquilizers I take on a regular basis, help me to not stress out over the symptoms.

I believe that the cause of it can come from many origins. Either from an inner ear disturbance and the area of the brain which processes this information can become disrupted and malfunction for unknown reasons (Google disembarkment syndrome), and/or it can be connected with a blood flow malfunction in the brain. This is just my opinion, and not an official medical diagnosis I've ever been given. I've tried to find a connection with all of the disorders I've had above, and the only thing I could find would possibly be a change in the fluid of the inner ears or vestibular malfunction and the area that his information is processed in the brain, or blood flow to the brain. Or that a malfunction has occured in the area of the brain which processes the subtle sense of balance and visual input. Stress and dissociation might cause or trigger any or all of these areas of the brain, or peripheral blood flow changes in the brain. I have become dissociative while under exteme stress, which also shares the same symptoms as DD.

I wish you luck and strength in dealing with this. I continue to research every thing I can to find a cause for this disturbing condition.