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hyper awarness of existence and body

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hyper awarness of existence and body

Postby soupdejour » Sun Apr 29, 2018 7:43 am

2 years ago, i was diagnosed with depersonalisation. i got medical treatment and i felt really whole and healthy again. until this january when one day, i started to feel that nothing is real. it was a horrible feeling so i started to search on the topic. i've found out the i have no depersonalisation but hyper awarness of existence. i've found a forum topic where someone wrote exactly what i'm feeling.

'But it goes farther than just that, life itself, existing in general freaks me out. Being alive freaks me out. Im overly aware of my own existence and my consciousness... i look around and can barely even look at things because everything just seems so surreal and insane that we are here on this planet and that we are alive being able to perceive and interact with things. Its like I'm FEELING reality itself... reality itself scares me. How are we even IN reality.. I'm obsessing and obsessing over existential things to the point where i feel like i can't return to normal.. i feel like I've opened this window in my consciousness that cannot be closed. I just dont understand how we came from nothing and now we are here. Its like i just look around at reality and I'm terrified of it. I feel like an alien among people, how come people dont ever stop and think to themselves... what the hell are we doing here.. how am i able to do these things how am i IN a reality... i feel lost and i feel scared... but most of all i feel hopeless. I miss my old life so much I've became depressed and everything seems boring and pointless. I question human anatomy constantly and how it all works so i can't even connect with people on an emotional bases. I look at things i used to think looked beautiful and it doesnt anymore... its all just products of the universe and existence.. which I'm terrified and bored of.'

what i want to add is that in my 30 years i haven't think about how life works once, i don't have beliefs, i have always been a 'reflex person' and since these kind of thoughts started to appear it's like i was in a dream and now i woke up. i'm constantly searching for answers to existential questions which i learnt that cant be answered. this frightens me so much and without explanation i don't feel a whole person.

also, sometimes when i go to sleep and close my eyes i imagine the little parts of my body and start to think that how these connected and where am i in that body? it frightens me so much, that i cant even sleep. i don't want to do anything, because if i move or think an existential question always pops up concerning the activity (how can i do this, how my fingers move, where thoughts are coming from?). it is really frustrating.

so what i did so far is i go to a psychologist (i dont feel any improvements yet) and i started to meditate (which i read that if someone is suffering from these kind of mental problems, it can be very harmful).

does anybody feel the same or have cured oneself ? i would really appreciate any help ! thanks !!
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Re: hyper awarness of existence and body

Postby dais » Thu May 31, 2018 4:57 pm

Let's look at this quote: "How are we even IN reality" from a different perspective, i.e. 'how are WE even in reality'. Logic says start with the subject- find out who you are first before trying to know anything else/the object of perception.
The thing is you cannot know what/who you are other than through negation= I am not this or that. Any identification are is just noise of the mind. When the mind falls quiet, reality/the truth reveals itself. But the mind does not want to be quiet- it is in its nature to search, dissect and analyse. However, the mind is just another thought, a concept without real basis, like any thought. What is also obvious, at a closer look is that no thought is yours/none is under your control [they come from nowhere and if ignored they go back to nowhere where they came from] but you have the choice of following them or not. It is you who give them power, make them ‘real’ but this is an illusion. Why do you need to think- what is wrong with just being, witnessing the coming and going of thoughts without reacting. Are you not if you do not react- can you say ‘I am not’?! You are and have no choice in this- the thing that makes you feel restless and anxious is identification with the body and thoughts. If you feel you are not the body- what is there to be afraid of?! Who is then afraid? These questions are not meant to get an answer but to be contemplated- any answer comes from the mind; the answer comes by itself when you go beyond the mind [you are not intently seeking it].
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