Severe dissociation w/ (housebound) panic disorder & anxiety

I know so many people are struggling here, of course. But it'd be good to talk with someone.

I'm a 27 year old female, studying with the OU, and currently working from home (typing minion). I'm extremely isolated in my day-to-day life and these problems make it completely near-impossible to speak to anyone. I feel outside of my body all the time, and like I can't control my arms/facial expressions etc. I mean, I can't even smile when I'm out of the house, out of fear and tension! I can't think or do anything but feel numb/terrified. It's all from severe anxiety and it's just crippling. I've tried so much, but it's so hard to do it alone. I feel paralysed the second I walk out the door.

I now get more mental health support but sadly because of the lack of funding for the NHS it's intermittent. And I find that many professionals don't really know how social phobia/panic disorder really affects me at all. Let alone the dissociation. They're struggling to do anything about that at the moment, partially because I am not deemed to have experienced anything that would trigger it -- and dissociation is so closely linked with trauma.

The extent to which my daily life is limited is just huge. And whenever I try to fight it I'm in constant agony and no one can really support me. I've missed out on so much and lost a lot of the things that i did have. I try and be positive but I'm really stuck and feel utterly abandoned.

What do we do, really?

Btw, please forgive the badly written post! I genuinely feel a bit like a 27 year old with the beginnings of dementia with this stuff a lot of the time :/

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time, theredthread.

To better understand what you're going through, I'd like to ask you a few questions. First, when did you first start experiencing severe anxiety? Do you remember what triggered it? Second, what's the worst thing that can happen if you do go outside alone? (When discussing anxiety, my therapist often asks me a similar question, and I find it useful to work through it while removed from whatever I fear may trigger panic.) Finally, do you have friends, family, or anyone you'd feel comfortable opening up to?

Although still in the thick of my own issues with anxiety, depression, and to a lesser extent depersonalization, I've found it helpful to find one person I can be entirely vulnerable with. Whoever the person, confide in them and let them know just how difficult getting out of the house is with you. Then ask if they'll join you on short, simple walks.

One of the more troubling aspects of anxiety is that its very existence creates even more anxiety -- a sort of multiplier effect. And the more we isolate -- because what choice do we really have when in a perpetual state of anxiety? -- the more it fortifies our need to isolate. I know it's damn hard, miserable even, but we have to slowly step out of our comfort zones. Maybe then we can build some positive momentum.

Hope you've been doing better since your post.

Best,

lifewithmadd

I was once housebound with strong agoraphobic tendencies for a few years. I was afraid to answer the phone or doorbell. I was drinking heavily to find relief from my fears and anxieties.
A radio was the only connection and other human voice for days on end. I needed to hear the hourly news from all stations within reach to keep contact. I began to feel that I knew these people on the radio. It got creepy.
I ventured outside the house only to shop for food and more alcohol. I was basically unemployed and living off my savings for as long as it would last.
I could still bathe and shave for the most part. Brushing my teeth got difficult because of gagging.
Other people were concerned about me, but didn't know what to do. I heard a lot of 'if only you'd try this or that', but I was paralyzed.
I wished that I had asked for help sooner but when I finally did, I found myself at an alcohol/drug rehab with other people.
My head cleared enough for mental health counseling and treatment. A 12-step program kept me connected and sober while I continued therapy. The despair lifted.
I look back to remember where I came from. It will always be a part of me. I hope to never go back there.
Best of luck to you.