My first post (skip to the last paragraph if you want)

Hello, all. I arrived at this forum because I've tried everything to deal with this strange feeling I have besides reaching out to people that understand what it means to feel disconnected from oneself and the world around them. I actually have tried talking about dissociation with a therapist but he didn't even know what it was (and he has a PhD in psychology!) Both the therapists I've seen have told me that I have autism spectrum disorder, but when I asked them why they thought this, they both said something to me like "you tell me." Personally, I think it's way too easy to become a therapist, and this has caused me to give up hope in confiding in someone I pay to listen to me. Anyways, I want to know how you guys relate to my experiences that I'm about to convey.
The only reason I would think that my experiences that I would describe as being depersonalization would actually be autism spectrum disorder is because I've felt like this my whole life; there is the conundrum of feeling like my condition is getting worse which would suggest it isn't autism, but this sense of deterioration could also be caused by an increase in self awareness, as I'm still a young person.


Okay, now to the stuff that matters (sorry if you feel like you wasted time from reading the stuff above.) I think my strange feeling of being disconnected from the world stems from a preference since a young age of relying on my own thoughts and fantasies to occupy my time than experiencing the world around me. Since I can remember, I've had a disabling amount of anxiety and I've had to escape reality to cope with it; I almost feel like there are two people inside of me, the person with the anxiety and a person that is completely numb. At this point, I'm sick of being trapped in my own head, but it has become a habit to be so. It is becoming increasingly difficult to do things that would be considered simple to most people, such as having a job and going to school, because I have an insanely hard time paying attention to the world around me. It was very discouraging getting fired from my first job during training because I couldn't focus and I probably looked like I was on drugs, and I know people talk about me at my college because someone asked me if I took a specific course and he wasn't in it. It's really hard having such a disabling psychiatric condition that people can tell something is wrong with you. Can anyone relate and does anyone have any advice on how to feel more normal? I'm also going to read others' subjects so you don't have to tell me to look through the forum.

Hello and welcome to the forum!

Sorry you're having such a rough time of it, I know sometimes it can seem impossible to overcome. You might want to try to find a therapist that specializes in dissociative disorders if you suspect one. Forgive me if you stated this, but what symptoms have you seen that make you think dissociative disorder? (just try to clarify thing in my head to better be able to help ) I would trust what they said about autism spectrum disorders, especially if you've heard the same thing from 2 separate professionals. It actually take alot of work to become a therapist, especially to obtain a PHD. Being inside your own head alot could be alot of things from simple introversion, to various disorders. It could even be part of an autism spectrum disorder.

Now that being said I'm not tying to say I don't believe you or anything (sorry if it comes off that way )

Thanks for responding. I would say that the most simple way to explain how I feel is that I feel a complete lack of spontaneity due to what seems like I'm controlling the person who I actually I am, like I feel like I have such extreme anxiety that my mind has split into versions of myself that are the anxious sides and the sides of me that lacks any emotions. I think a lot of my issues stem from denying my fears instead of confronting them. I often feel like I'm talking to different parts of my personality that have slit and developed into their own personalities. I actually remember when I was in elementary school I would often act like what seems like the opposite of me and I would him, or me, "opposite me." I just wish I had my identity issues under control so I could relate to people again.

seems like I'm controlling the person who I actually I am, like I feel like I have such extreme anxiety that my mind has split into versions of myself that are the anxious sides and the sides of me that lacks any emotions. I often feel like I'm talking to different parts of my personality that have slit and developed into their own personalities. I actually remember when I was in elementary school I would often act like what seems like the opposite of me and I would him, or me, "opposite me." I just wish I had my identity issues under control so I could relate to people again.[/quote]


WOW... and i mean that from the perspective of someone who thought NOBODY would ever experience what i experience... so i say again, WOW... i empathize, you are certainly not alone in these feelings.... and i'm kinda, awkwardly, "pleased" that i am not either. anyway... im weird, so ... thanks for sharing, and making me feel like im not the only one