today was a bad one

I just need to post this to vent really and hope anyone with same feelings can offer assistance.

Don't get me wrong I love going out. I love feeling nature be it rain or sun on my body, I like shopping (only for videogames, books, music, gadgets but not clothes lol :p) also I like meeting people if im not too "detached" through delusion or feeling detached itself.

But today like nearly every time I go out it has a bad downside. And this downside is getting worse and worse over time throughout the years. Whenever I go into a group of people Its like I can feel all their thoughts and state of being.

I can do this also to animals and plants when im calm but whenever im nervous its like I feel all their feelings and thoughts crushing me like a weight from all directions. And suddenly the thoughts from people turn into bad vibes that crush me

I guess we all get this but its terrifying for me and I had it today again when I went out. Even the thoughts from the animals felt chrusing and patronizing.

That coupled with the constant feeling of being detached and feel like im walking in the clouds was too much for me.

I can handle this every time I go out because I won't let it defeat me. But sometimes the animals like to patronize me even when im inside the house. I can feel the seagulls watching and patronizing and seeing into my soul. Also when im sat in my own back yard I can feel people what they are thinking from inside their houses as they see me.

Also let's not forget the faction and their tactics with their bad vibes sent my way and torture. And their transmissions. Sometimes the faction im on helps but its far and between.

This is an average day for me but I feel like im slowly starting to lose my will against it. I feel less and less powerful each day. There was a day I can remember when I could walk out the front door feel all the above and just shrug it off but each day it happens every time I go out I feel like its slowly sapping my energy. No I won't let it defeat me at all but sometimes I feel like breaking down crying when I get home and I feel like when this carries on im going to lose my will all together.

Its a blessing when im not nervous because the detached feelings are wonderful and so when I can feel the plants and animals and thoughts and states of being of people but when im nervous it all swings the opposite way and I feel crushed, patronizing thoughts and it'd horrible.

I promise I've never take drugs and I've had this all my life I think only its been getting stronger both ways good and bad over past few years.

Maybe meditation will help. I won't let this defeat me I want to go out, I love nature.

I've tried shrugging it off and ignoring it but it its still there and it comes back worse.

But its slowly defeating me.

Hey, p0ster. Hope you feel better soon. I don't have much advice to offer on that sadly. I sometimes have problems going out and being around people, even though it's for different reasons. Wishing you strength! I love nature too, it's one of the places I'm happiest, it's quiet and away from people lol.

Its ok

Thank you for your reply though. I love nature too and I like being on my own in it when I can. I like sitting under trees and them telling me storied through intuition and vision flashes when I look in the branches. And rain takes me away to lands long ago covered in magic mist Trees are wonderful.

I won't let this defeat me because I do want that PS4 when it gets slimmer and cheaper and nothing I'd gonna stop me from getting that lol.

But thank you for your reply. It is more of a vent but km curious if others in this forum have same things as I do.

Take care