Have you ever... (TW: frightening descriptions)

Have you ever watched yourself do or say something as you willed yourself not to?

Not just a loss of control over the body but the speed of thoughts and intensity of emotions.

Eventually I get so confused, I don't know where reason and feeling clash anymore.

Words and gestures that completely contradict what I want to say, think or do. Hurting people I never sought to hurt.

I sometimes experience that too, but nothing major has come from it for me- that I know of/ remember, that is (very very poor memory of my past).

Typically for me, this will happen when it comes to food. The other day, I went and got food from the cafeteria when I had brought my lunch to work. I kept telling myself to stop walking to it, that I already had food to eat, and yes the cafeteria stuff tastes better but it is not healthy and I'm trying to be healthy; I literally was trying to walk away physically too but my body/subconscious/whatever was not having it.

I found myself at the mall instead of the food store one day, too, because of something like this (although I wasn't trying to fight it as much, as I had nothing to really do that day anyway, though I definitely know I wouldn't have been able to change my course if I tried).

All The Time...