Anyone else have this experience?

A year ago, I told my mom that when I was 4 years old, I was molested by my brother. It took me 22 years to process this and get the strength to even do this. I've been clinically diagnosed with complex ptsd, dissociative disorder, anxiety, chronic depression. She asked me why I didn't tell her as a child, I said because he told me he was going to hurt me and I suppressed it for all these years. I say don't victimize me again, do not blame a child.

Then she said because it happened once it's not a big deal. Hearing this makes me sick. First of all, my personality and self worth was forever changed and I felt intimidated by him and he held that over my head. My brother was violent to all of us in the house and she denies this. As a child, he was diagnosed with ADHD. He never continued treatment as a child, my parents changed his diet and though that would fix everything. Not even. My counselor thinks he should have been diagnosed with conduct disorder. I think he is a psychopath, he has no remorse for hurting people, psychically, mentally, and is a narcissist.

It feels like my mom is more concerned about protecting her ego than caring about me. I don't think it would have made a difference if I told her when I was 4. She must be overcome by guilt, I asked her to read up on it to learn what it does to a person. She won't even do that.

Last year when I told her, I didn't attend the holidays. This year she is hopeful I will attend. I said no, I feel like I don't have an authentic relationship with you and it hurts. I was molested and I need you to understand as part of my healing and support. She gets flustered, loud and questions my reality.

I say to her I told you this a year ago, she says no you didn't. Every time I bring this up to her, she behaves like it's the first time hearing it. I don't know how we are ever going to resolve our issues. Has anyone else had this experience with their parents? What has helped you heal?

I'm sorry to hear that your mother has been so unsupportive, and no wonder you're feeling hurt. She is in denial of how damaging your brother was, which could be due to her unwillingness to admit that she failed to protect you and that she perhaps could've handled things better. She wants to keep the illusion that the problems were small and harmless. When you try to discuss the real events with her, she pretends she has never heard of them. It seems that she needs these lies in order to cope with the past. The fact that she refuses to talk about it time after time, and even pretends she has never heard about it, reveal that it is a big deal to her.

She is in denial and will do anything to keep it that way. What she doesn't understand is that from your point of view, this is psychological abuse and rejection.

It's important for you to trust your own judgement about what happened and what kind of effect it had, and still has on you. It seems that your mother is a hopeless case when it comes to trying to make her acknowledge your point of view. Since what your brother did in the past continues to still hurt you and your mother only makes it worse, I think it would be a better option for you to turn to a therapist if you haven't already done that. If that's too extreme for you, then maybe a support group. You can still try to talk to your mother, but if you really want to start healing from these traumas, you need help from outside your family.

I agree, I think it was exceptionally brave to bring this up with your mother, youve come a long way to admit it to yourself, let alone anyone else. This is massive, I admire your courage. There are many things in my past which I have never told anyone, and I dont think I could ever bring it up with anyone to be honest. I think it is best to work with a therapist, because they have the skills to deal with it and they arent emotionally involved in the situation, and can help you through it based on what you need.

I hope you find some peace. Best wishes.