delusional disorder and genetic factor

My husband has delusional disorder. He is on the medication now. I want to have a baby, but can not make my decision. The doctor won't allow him to stop the medication since he had a relapes before. Is it too risky to have a baby when the father is on meds. Will the father pass the illness to my baby? Can anyone tell me their personal experience with that? I will really appreciate all your help.

red

I definately would not get pregnant unless you are prepared to be a single parent - and battle your delusional husband over custody. You did not say what the delusions were, but whatever they are, if you stay with your husband, you will be his caretaker. Having a kid is a BIG deal, way more than you can possibly anticipate if you have not done it before.
I don't know if this has any genetic link - my guess is there is some, but not direct. I have three grown kids, only one has any indication of mental problems (mild depression and paranoid tendencies, but NOTHING like his father), and in my husband's family, his father suffered from depression and alcoholism, but never delusions. But if I knew then what I know now, I not only would not have had kids with my husband, I would never have married him.
Read the rest of the posts here. Wanting to have a baby is not a reason to have one - don't think "baby" - think raising a human being with a delusional father. Think hard.

Hello faithful:

I know it is very hard to deal with a DD husband. I have to think really hard about raising a kid with him. Thank you for your help.

Red

red,

I feel that I should respond to this post because I am a single mother who has been diagnosed with Delusional Disorder. My son's father is not involved in his life. I take my medication as ordered by the doctor and I consider myself a good mother. No one takes care of me. No one checks up to see if I've taken my medicine. I have not have any major delusional beliefs since I began the mediction. I would love to have another child someday. I would love to be married. Not everyone who has DD is incapable of being responsible and loving.

I don't know why anyone would tell you not to have a child with your husband without knowing the specifics of your situation. If he takes his medicine and is not violent and understands that he has an illness that has to be controlled and he takes steps to control it, I see no reason for you not to have a child with him. This is just my opinion as someone who lives with DD and deals with it on my own.

From what I read there is no scientific study indicating a genetic base for DD, unlike other mental illnesses, so I wouldn't worry too much about that either. I personally became delusional after going through a series of traumatic events, which of course has nothing to do with my genes. No one else in my family has it. Social isolation is often a factor as well.

You must love your husband or you wouldn't be with him. Don't be swayed merely by another's prejudice against the mentally ill. You know your husband better than anyone. Decide for yourself based on your experience with him whether you should have a child with him. Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.

This isn't about prejudice - it's about taking on the responsibility of raising a child while dealing with a mentally ill person. It's great that you understand you are ill, but from the posts here, you are clearly the exception. Look at your own series of "ifs":

"If he takes his medicine and is not violent and understands that he has an illness that has to be controlled and he takes steps to control it"

Few of the spouses mentioned in this forum have any of those understandings.

And it likely depends on what the person is delusional about. The jealousy delusion CAN turn violent in an instant, and violates trust that is the basis for any marriage. Is that a healthy way to raise a child? Even though my kids were adults by the time their dad became clearly ill, I see now there were signs for years and he was a very poor father because of it. If I had known what the future held, I would not have had children with him.

Well, here is my 10 cents-worth. Deciding to have a child is a hard enough decision for "normally functioning" partners (whatever that is), let alone a DD husband.

My experience from my DD husband shows that they generally really want to be good parents, but DD takes over their judgement capability. For example, my husband (who has delusions about airports) decided that my daughter (who only has a driving permit, but no licence yet) should take me to the airport and pick me up. He was convinced that if he goes, he will be arrested or killed, but it was just fine for his daughter to drive 40 miles each way alone at night with only a permit and very little driving experience.

There were worse things that happened, too detailed to write here.

I guess my point is: if you want a child, be prepared to raise him/her in spite of your husband, that is with many distractions and problems caused by your husband. And if the delusions extend to your baby in any way, run like hell and be prepared to fight with him in court.

I know, I know, it sounds horrible, but this is the reality.

Good luck.

I entered my marriage to a DD spouse with two children from a prior marriage. We did not know he was DD at the time. For the first several years, he was a wonderful father. As time passed, he became much more entranched in the dilusions and as is the case with many who are diagnosed with this disorder, he refused treatment and medication because his paranoia convinced him that the doctors were part of a plot to "turn him into a zombie" so they could "ruin" him. This had a MAJOR effect on my children. Both ended up in therapy at 15, one with depression as a result of our situation. When they were 16 I moved out and it was the best thing I could have ever done to put their lives back on track.

For a long time, I tried to get pregnant with my DD husband and it is by the grace of god that we did not have child. S/he would be in their teens and I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up all these years with a father who is so incredibly ill.

No one can tell you what to do. No one can make your decision. No one can predict the future. BUT for those of us who have lived with a spouse who has untreated DD, I can confidently say that bringing a child into the surrealistic world of a DD parent is not a decision that should be taken lightly. It is hard enough as an adult to deal with all of the pain and confusion and broken dreams caused by this illness, I can't even imagine how a small child could navigate its unsteady waters.

Hello:

I really appreciate all your help.

I do hope we can find a cure for the awful disease.

Red

Hello,
I just found this website and wish I had years ago. My two sence worth comes from having a DD jealous type,now ex-spouse, we have children.

Red,you haven't said what DD type he is....but no matter what if he goes of meds at some your children will be effected by this. No one can make that choice for you, but I STRONGLY urge you to go slow and do alot of research before making that decision. From what I know a large percentage do not stay on meds, or even believe they have a problem...it's everybody else. In my case me, this eventually lead to him deciding that one of our children was not his. even when presented with DND, he doesn't believe and of course there is a big cover-up going on. He kept it between us for a while but he decided the said child should know. This is the aftermath/fallout I'm dealing with now. It's hard enough to be a teen without having to deal with a mentally ill parent that just imploded your core stabilty of life. Most adults have trouble understanding mental illness almost incomprehendable to a child.

That's my view for what ever it's worth. Probally a little slanted. DD does not just going away.

AliceW

Dear Red,
As the daughter of someone with DD my advice would be, dont do it. DD is a horrible illness. I am now 40 and definately will not be having children myself, although the chances of establishing a relationship with anyone are pretty remote for me anyway. This is a direct result of being brought up by a very sick mother.
Take care