Escalating delusions

Over the past 10 years, an old college friend of mine has been e-mailing me from across the country, alluding to aspects of her delusion, which centers around her belief that the ten-years-younger son of her former pastor is in love with her but won't come out profess this to her. This family has not been in her life for a long time now, but she is sure that they (I think they live on the East Coast) and I (who live on the West Coast) are in cahoots, lying to her. She has created this strange web of logic about why innocent things I've said and done (for instance, introducing her to Anne Morrow Lindbergh's (sp?) writing several years ago is a secret sign to her. She believes I knew that the Lindberghs are distant relatives of this pastor's family. She claims to have hired a PI to "check things out" and has concluded that I have been lying to her for 10 years, that her "rich lover" (as she often calls him) hs built each of her family members a home as well as a home for me. I'll give you an excerpt from her most recent e-mail to me:

"I have proof!! And you think I am so stupid. I mean why haven't you given me your phone number? Because you aren't living with
Susan. . . ."

[INSERT MY NOTE OF CLARIFICATION: I have given her my phone number and have invited her to call me any time of day or night to help her believe it. I live with a family from my church; the woman's name is Susan, but my DD friend believes this is a cover-up story for not wanting her to know about the big house she thinks her "rich lover" has built for me. . . . Resuming DD friend's e-mail now . . .]

"So, you go over there once in awhile and you
use her phone so that I can see the caller I.D. and
you call me and say that you live there. I mean really
Chris. I know you've been lying to me for 10 years.
Say hello to the Bryans [Her former pastor and family] and Ann for me. If they want to have a relationship with me they are going to have to come and talk to me. I did an ancestry search Chris
they are related to the Bryans. You said years ago
when they first appeared at Hope Church wouldn't it be
fun to be rich etc. and you told me to go and read
Anne Morrow Lindbergh's "Gift from the Sea." My life
has been nothing but lies since David Bryan showed up
in my life and then realized it wasn't God's timing
and disappeared. I am not so nieve to realize that he
probably went to my family for permission beforehand.
Why must you continue to lie to me? The Bryans aren't
helping me by buying my family houses they are only
destroying my relationships. All I ask is that they
come and talk to me it has been six years of this
nonsense and I need it to end. . . . I can tell you one thing. I will not and cannot marry into a family and a relationship where
there cannot be complete honesty. It will never work.
And really Chris I think you are the one who needs to
see a counselor for your conscience and your
pathological lies. I don't think I am asking too much
of them. All I'm asking is that they come and talk to
me. Is that such an impossible, humiliating, humbling
thing for them to do? If so, then forget them and
forget you. I can't have a relationship with either of
you when all you do is lie to me. "

My heart goes out to her, but I also want to scream, because I've presented her with so much evidence and even tried to fly her out here over the holidays so she could put her mind at ease, but everything has a hidden meaning to her. Logic used to help her a little, but now it doesn't.


Can anyone out there tell me what I can do to help her? Should I call her parents to intervene? Her anger and hostile demeanor is escalating rapidly and to heights I've never heard before. Her delusions also involve her belief that she is somehow an important person/celebrity, but no one will explain it to her (she believes this b/c she has run into a handful of celebreties at the airport and, most recently, Laura Bush).

There is mental illness in her family history . . . a grandparent who became seclusive, paranoid, alcoholic, and committed suicide.

I'm afraid my friend will become this way. Please tell me there is something I can do about it!!

Thanks for any helpful ACTIVE steps you might suggest. (I am already praying, and if that is the extent of what I can do, I accept that, but I don't want to neglect anything else I might do to help her.)

Sorry your in this situation. If you feel comfortable contacting her parents I would. They may not believe you at first but over time the information you provide them might help them see that their daughter is ill. They may already have an idea that something is not right and your information could bring more clarity to situation for them. The main problem I see is if they tell their daughter what you report to them and then she holds it against you. I guess you have to way her health versus your freindship. Best of luck.

collegefriend,

I don't know what to advise you to do...this whole situation is so complicated. You seem to have a pretty good handle on things and I would just go with your gut feeling.

Take Care and please feel free to up date us!

Sweetngentle

Thank you for your encouragement and helpful input. I think I will end up contacting her parents. Thanks again.

happymom wrote:Sorry your in this situation. If you feel comfortable contacting her parents I would. They may not believe you at first but over time the information you provide them might help them see that their daughter is ill. They may already have an idea that something is not right and your information could bring more clarity to situation for them. The main problem I see is if they tell their daughter what you report to them and then she holds it against you. I guess you have to way her health versus your freindship. Best of luck.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. Her latest e-mail has me married to someone's else's son. (I'm single, never-been-married). So I think I will probably (with much fear and trepidation) call her parents.

sweetngentle wrote:collegefriend,

I don't know what to advise you to do...this whole situation is so complicated. You seem to have a pretty good handle on things and I would just go with your gut feeling.

Take Care and please feel free to up date us!

Sweetngentle