Cyclothymia? Wife moved out.

I realize it's hard to diagnose these things like this but I'm hoping someone will give me their opinions. Every year my wife says our relationship is over. For several months. Then, for no real reason, it seems like everything is ok again and nothing ever happened. Then it repeats. She doesn't stay up all night or seem overly depressed like not getting out of bed. She goes to work and has fun with the kids. Just not me. During this time she goes out a lot and flirts with all her old boyfriends. She does stay up later than usual during these times and seems to need less sleep but not all night or for days at a time. There seems to be no empathy during or remorse afterwards. This time it got worse. She divorced me and moved out with the kids. I'm worried that it could someday either get worse and she could stay out longer potentially neglecting the kids or she could realize things weren't really that bad between us and the issue was something else and want to come back. It's hard to comprehend it because it doesn't seem to affect anything but our relationship. Everyone else just thinks she was unhappy in the marriage. Which might be true but I don't think they've seen the cycle each year and how it changes her sleep schedule or risk taking. Opinions? Does any of this sound like typical behavior? Thank you,

Yearly sounds like it could be related to the seasons. There is something called seasonal affective disorder. I wish I could help you with more to say, but your situation is out of my experience. I do hope you can get a good hold on things though.

It could be. My daughter has a definite seasonal cycle to her cyclothymia. Spring is the time we have the hardest times with her -- she's goes into hypomania every spring and every spring it gets worse (she's only been diagnosed for a little over a year and we are still adjusting meds, so I have hopes that will get better). She also has a little difficulty in the fall, but I think it is usually more depression-based (but in trying to feel better about herself, she pulls some of the same stupid decisions she does when she's manic, namely sex with someone she's just met/doesn't really care about etc.).

Her psychologist recently began treating me for a mood disorder as well, and I've started noting some definite trends in myself. For instance, a night where I don't sleep well is usually followed by a day of elevated mood. A night when I sleep well is followed by a day more depressed. Definitely not what you'd normally expect of someone! I never noticed it, though, until I began charting a few weeks ago! BUT - I also realized just a couple of days ago that there is also a cyclical nature to how I feel about my marriage. Almost down to the week, in late September, I start feeling isolated and alone and unhappy. Not enough to do anything drastic -- but that's in part my personality and upbringing and beliefs. But... enough that two years ago I went to my pastor and this year to my daughter's psychologist (and my husband is now going with me). I'm not saying that all the problems are cyclothymia-related. Some are just that we don't communicate anymore. But that time of year it seems more hopeless than at other times. And... like your wife... I don't think it necessarily figures into the rest of my relationships too much -- it mainly affects my marriage.

So... it could be that your wife is dealing with something similar. But none of us here could say for sure. And unless she's willing to look into the possibility herself, and get some professional help you may never truly know. But... it certainly looks like it could be a possibility.

My heart goes out to you.... my daughter moved out in early september to live with an abusive boyfriend while she was hypomanic. It's so hard to watch someone you love hurt themselves... and you. Good news is mine is back under our roof and was apparently repentant for awhile... still working on the meds, though....

Anyway... I hope you can begin to find some answers! Even just understanding what's going on can bring a huge sense of relief.... at least it has for me.....

Thanks for the feedback. Coastermom - when she feels better does she know what she did before? Or does it never really register? In the past with me, enough damage was done that we didn't really communicate during the good times to make things better. I would still be happy enough that it was over that I didn't bring it up. With the divorce that isn't the case now. I can't just pretend but I'm still hoping she realizes there's something wrong and it will cause her to get help. If it doesn't register and she thinks it's all normal then nothing will change and i'll have to continue to worry about the kids.

I'm new to researching this but I also found references to thyroid issues. That does run in her family. Does anyone else have issues? I'm wondering if I could ever try to get her to have that tested to see what comes up rather than try to bring up cyclo which probably won't go over very well considering our situation.

Also, she always thought i was like a robot, emotionally. I'm not. Not at all. If someone has these types of mood swings does it seem like others are less emotional? Or would you think this is unrelated?

Speaking just for myself: I don't perceive other people to be emotionless when I'm going through the phases. I have perceived it about myself though. Something I know should make me happy just doesn't. Or it does but not as happy as I thought I should be.