Possibly Diagnosed, but confused about one big thing

Hi everybody. I'm Jordan.

I'm 16, and I'm really tired of thinking about this, but I need to get it figured out.

I've been having manic episodes about various things and for various reasons... well, pretty much my entire life.
I'm waiting to see from a few friends whether or not I match the symptoms, but I'm kinda nervous for a few reasons - one in particular.

I can't remember being depressed.


The story is long and arduous, so I'll shorten it for you: I am 16 years old, but I'm pretty sure I've had Cyclothymia for a long, long time. Possibly since the age of 4 or 5. The thing is, if I go that far back, I can remember having fits over things - my parents refusing to forgive me for stealing candy or for lying, or throwing tantrums at my habitual-thief sister - but I don't think those would really count. I remember thinking for hours alone in my room about how things sucked, and how they could be better, but I'm pretty sure none of those count as real - or even minor - depressive episodes.

As the memories get more recent, I threw fewer tantrums, growing up at a fairly normal rate. I still stole candy and lied, but I got better at it and I never got caught (this is where my sister became different).I can remember thinking over things for hours, stressing about some things, but isn't that normal for every kid?

Then the real problem begins. At... maybe age 12, I started sitting in our front room for an hour with my dad almost every night. He taught me how to ignore the things that pissed me off in a big way, and how to ignore lies and stupidity from my sister and my OCD-about-house-cleaning mother. From that time forward, I can't remember sitting in my room anymore - I still spent other parts of my day thinking, but almost none of them included my eyes leaking for no reason, my hands shaking, or being ashamed of myself - not like the old ones had.

These days, whenever I see something, get really excited about it, start a manic episode - I know that it's Cyclo doing its work and running its course.
Then later, I think about whether or not I actually have Cyclo, and I start getting obvious signs of a depressed swing again - my eyes leaking, my shaking hands, that sort of thing.
Then begins the real issue.

I'll go and look at something else - almost always a computer screen, like this one right now - and it's like my symptoms get pushed into the background. They don't bother me as much, for a while, but I'm still irritable, which, for me, is part of the down-swings, not the manias.

Then, later, I think back over that period of time, and my brain reports that it has been in a depressed-level mood throughout that time, and it has been thinking about the issue the entire time, but it just... doesn't match up. then I typically go to sleep, which hits the emotional reset button for me.

I feel like my dad's advice hasn't been treating this disease I probably have, but it's been suppressing it. I think the reason I can't see the depressed mood swings is because I've been training myself to space them out so that they don't feel like depressive swings overall. It doesn't feel good - more like it's delaying the issues, where a regular old down-swing would address them and get rid of them for a while.

What should I do? Should I ignore a diagnosis if I get one? Is this okay if I have cyclothymia? Should I see this as real Cyclothymia or just me being a teen? Do I Have Cyclothymia?

Please leave your thoughts, questions and answers below. I really appreciate your help.

-Jordan