Hesitant about self diagnosis.

I'm really not sure if I have cyclothymia. I'm pretty sure I do, but then I see symptoms like depression and hypomania and it doesn't click. I think myself, and the majority of people “know" what depression is, but they don't know.

I guess ill just give a brief synopsis of my day, see if that helps. I woke up with a bit more sleep than usual, so I was rested. Got to school early and had an hour or so to talk with my friend. (A real day brightener.) Normally, in my first class, I do absolutely nothing. I don't even scratch my head or talk. I sit and think. (Usually not happy thoughts.) Today was weird. I was amped. But not “bouncing off the walls". I was tense, focused, and ahead of the curve. I felt like I was floating on air. My thoughts were “racing" but I was able to use that for my work. I didn't feel crazy, I felt like my mind was clear, and nothing was going to bring me down. I more or less maintained this mood throughout the day. Im getting ready to go home and my whole world goes black. When im down, Its not like Im always ready to cry, and I feel “stable". But I feel my heart sink. Im an empty husk, incapable of happiness. I spent the car ride home listening to sad songs. When I got home I went to my room. I was still listening to music, and I started bawling. My whole body contracted and I just felt like my whole body was crying. Then I layed there and drifted for a while and I heard my dad yelling at me. When I got there, he was yelling about school work. Sometimes I try to socialize with my dad and shoos me away. But I never talk back or anything of the sort. Today was different. I couldnt listen to him talk for another second, I lashed out.

Im not sure if this sounds like cyclothymia or borderline personality. Thanks for reading, I guess. I hope you can help.

Hi InTheDumps,

Is there a councilor you can visit? Perhaps a school councilor? Or another service in your community?

It would probably be best for you to talk to an outsider who's trained to help you cope with various mental and emotional issues. He or she can help you decide if you need regular therapy or something more involved. "More involved" could include a psychiatric exam. It could mean medication. And in the most urgent and severe cases, it could mean time in a hospital. All those more involved possibilities sound scary, but you're going to drive yourself crazy trying to diagnose yourself. I know that from my own experience.

Everybody has a bad day now and then and even the most normal people have to develop coping skills to deal with the world. If you're thinking this is more than just a bad day and you can't get these coping skills on your own, you should look for a councilor's help.

Good luck.

if you have any of the disorders in the spectrum of bipolar, then you are uniquely disqualified to make an adequate diagnosis on yourself, it is the nature of the beast that you can't really measure your own mood while you are in it. in the USA, if you are attending public school, there will be someone available to you to make that diagnosis and possible referal to a doctor qualified to help with your particular issues. this would all be free in most places. take advantage of it while you can, cuz psyche-docs can be expensive! it is important that you do this soon, as the results of seeing or not seeing one will have a definute effect on the outcome of the rest of your life.

I also thought i had the same mood disorder you are talking about until i found out i was borderline. If your mood swings multiple times a day, then there is a good chance you don't have cyclothymia. Bipolar/cyclothymia are mood disorders where you swing in and out of mania/hypo-mania and depression and these episodes last multiple week to months. Also what is going on in your environment with not change your mood if you are Bipoliar/cyclothymia, BPD is the opposite. Your environment has A LOT to do with how you are feeling if you are borderline. I am not a doctor tho, so take my post with a grain of salt. Go to the BPD forum and see if any of the traits fit you.

I would avoid self diagnosis if I were you and I also try not to Google things like this because I think most of it is stupid. Conditions vary from person to person. If you are struggling I advise you go and see your GP or a Councillor or some one equivalent. After reading other peoples experiences with cyclothymia on here I find my condition much different and so does my doctor.

Hope you find the answers you want