borderline/cyclothymia/SAD?

So, from reading previous threads i can see that its very hard to tell the differenc between borderline and bipolar. What about Cyclothymia and SAD? I'm fairly convinced I have a mood disorder, either un conjunction with Borderline or instead of it. But I've noticed a pattern in my moods - every october, without a doubt, they start to dip. then throughout winter i'm pretty much a depressed unproductive mess. In about April or May, when the first heat waves hit, I get very very elated.
Is this SAD? or could this simply be where my bipolar cycles fall? I have a differential diagnosis of bipolar, and I'd like to go back to get this confirmed. I dont really relate to having borderline, although i do have a history or self harm and abandonment issues. But during the summer months when i'm feeling incredibly elated, I have no symptoms of borderline at all...I didnt think that borderline went in cycles like this. Plus, at the moment I am without a doubt depressed. Not in turmoil, as with borderline, but low, unenthusiastic, de motivated, reclusive, crying constantly, sleeping all the time, and not eating normally. I GET THIS EVERY YEAR AT THE SAME TIME!! surely this is a mood disorder...?
thanks guys. xxx

None of us here can make a diagnosis. That said, it sure sounds like you could be dealing with some sort of bipolar/mood disorder. It's pretty common for bipolar/mood disorder patients to follow the fall depression/spring manic cycle. My daughter was diagnosed with cyclothymia and we knew for years that spring was really rough with her. Her depressive episodes in the fall weren't quite as obvious (her depression isn't deep), but it does hit at about the third week September every year. Her summers tend to be pretty good (except this summer... when we weren't smart enough to back off her Lamicatal and it threw her into hypomania. ugh). I was just recently diagnosed with a mood disorder myself and looking back, I can see the same kind of patterns in myself, just not as severe so it was easier for me to go undiagnosed for years. It's been an interesting journey of self-discovery these last few weeks. For the most part it's been really good beginning to see trends and correlations and understanding myself (and my daughter!) a bit better.

Do you have access to a counselor who can help you? You would actually need a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis. There are many symptoms that are part of many disorders. Even the professionals can have trouble diagnosing you. You'll find stories in these forums from people who went through many diagnoses before they got what they feel is the right one. Whatever's happening, if you are so affected by it that it messes up your life, you should consider counseling.

hi there,
sorry for the late reply, i've been in a bit of a state lately.
I've been seeing a counsellor for a few months now. I think i do want to go back to the psychiatrist i saw before and discuss how i feel about my diagnosis. the thing is, that part of the Borderline symptoms is that you dont think you have borderline, so i'm a bit worried she'll just discount what i say. Something needs to be done though, as i'm getting really bad this year. I've been contemplating suicide on a pretty much daily basis for over a month now and the other day i even went as far as to write a note and set out a load of pills in front of me. Luckily i just stared at them and cried and cried until i fell asleep, then when i woke up it didnt feel like a good idea anymore...

omalley_cat,

I hope you are in communication with a counselor or someone who can help. The fact that you actually had pills gathered and a note composed is not something to mess with. I know my psychologist classified that stage as very serious. Please, please, please... whether it is your counselor or your psychiatrist or a suicide hotline, please let someone know what is going on.

hi coastermom,
I'm going to contact my psychiatrist again tomorrow. I've been reluctant to let people know whats going on because i dont want to be "nannied" as a result of that,but my boyfriend is aware that i've been having thoughts like this so i've got someone keeping an eye on me now. I know i need to let my psychiatrist know as well. with my counsellor - i know its an odd thing to say, but i cant be bothered to talk about it. and i know that she'll make me. its almost easier to just deal with it on my own that have to bother sharing it with her. Counselling just exhausts me at the moment.
Part of the reason that I didnt want to talk to anyone about it is that I am ok most of the time. My mood is pretty low and i think its safe to say i'm depressed. but its not like i spend all day every day crying or thinking about suicide. Its happened about once a week for a month, and i've been self harming recently. But like i said, most days i'm stable.
Is this part of what it means to be bi-polar? or would you say this is more of a borderline thing? 'm really trying to get my head around how i'm feeling at the moment...
x