My girlfriend is cutting herself...I need some advice

This may get a little long-winded. I apologize in advance.

I've been dating my girlfriend now for 10 months. I love her...she loves me. She's 22 and I'm almost 25.

Anyway, she's a cutter. She'll cut herself...and then pick the scabs. I'm not sure how long this has occurred (well before I met her). It's a topic she's had a hard time talking about.

Last night, I noticed she was looking at her arm a lot. When I questioned her about it, she got upset. We spent the rest of the night talking. I'm trying to get more involved with speaking to her about this topic...though she's still very secretive (which I understand).

She has a number of wounds up and down her arms, some on her legs, and a couple on her face. I've never judged her about them...but I imagine a number of people (strangers) do. In fact, I myself have been accused of *harming* my girlfriend by a complete stranger when he saw the marks. I was a mix of anger and sadness (for her)...and, a small amount of embarassed (though I feel bad admitting that).

Last night, she finally told me what I thought she was feeling; the scars embarrass her. She's saddened by people judging her as "suicidal" or a freak. I did my best to console her...but I think she needs more professional help. Someone with experience on the issue. She also got a tattoo when she was 17...it was a small star/circular image on her wrist. She said it's from the show "Blood Ties", and that she liked the symbol then. Last night, she also confessed that too many people think it's satanic, or that she's a devil worshiper; the cuts just "prove" their beliefs. She wants to turn back the clock: not get the tattoo...and not have the scars.

I'm really upset because I feel like I didn't do enough sooner. I had a feeling she was still doing this when I was at work. After she got a job of her own, I figured it was going away. But, she's doing it *while* she's at work now!

Anyway, I'd like to thank you for the chance to "vent" a little. Hopefully, a couple questions can be answered:

How easy is a tattoo cover-up/redesign? It's on her wrist. I mentioned that it was a possibility, and she seemed eager to get it changed.

Is there a good way to find a therapist/counseling? I've tried doing random Google searches, but haven't had much luck. I'm a bit worried about this aspect...here's why:

At first, she got a bit angry when I mentioned possibly seeing a professional. After a bit of talking, she explained that she doesn't want *any* medication...and that they might label her insane/a freak/suicidal. She eventually agreed that she would give therapy a shot, if I could promise that there'd be no medications...and that the therapist was female.

Any other advice for me? I'm doing my best to comfort her. I'm also trying not to make her feel guilty. I have a feeling I've made her feel guilty about them in the past, when I tried to have her promise me to stop. After researching the subject, I realize that was prolly a bad move on my part.

I just want my baby to be happy...without hurting herself. Thank you.

Hi, digdoug! She can go to her regular doctor and ask to see a professional psych who is a woman. It's probably one of the best ways to find someone. You're very sweet and she is lucky to have you in her life. I'm not sure how easy it would be to cover up a tattoo, she'll have to ask a tattoo artist, I supose. Be patient and loving with her and encourage her to be strong.
Yes, many people have odd opinions about cutting and they can be cruel. Tell her she's welcome to come to our forum as well.

Thanks, jasmin.

I guess our first task then is to get her a "regular doctor". She moved to my state a little under a year ago, and we've been dating since. She's lived with me for many months now, but, hasn't needed to go to the doctor. She's prolly due for at least a standard physical/checkup. I'll see if I can get her to go to my doctor, and we'll go from there.

Thank you again for the kind words. I appreciate it!

You're welcome! Yes, take her to your doctor and see what can be done.

Hey Digdoug, It's hard when you self harm, and the older you get, that stigma doesn't go away. going to a doctor can be scary for a self harmer, because you're afraid of being judged, and if you don't have a good relationship with your doctor it makes it even harder.

A good therapist does make all the difference (secondary to having a compassionate partner), a good therapist will help her on her terms.

I'm 35, when I was twenty five I chose to stop cutting, because I was getting married, I can't say I've been a hundred percent successful at stopping, but I've maintained without medication, I do a lot of self care.

There's a lot of self regret and embarrassment, she may be worried about what you think or will think of her, and that her cutting has something to do with you when it doesn't. Let her know about this forum, if she can't talk to you when she feels like harming, perhaps she can come and talk on here.

Good thoughts to you

My gf is self harming too. We are only in the early stages of dealing with her problems but I know exactly where I want to go.

What your gf needs most of all from you is total and complete acceptance of what she is and what she does. Always remember that the fact she is still doing it is no reflection on the love you share whatsoever. The underlying issues are still there and still need resolving.
But that love on the other hand can be the key to begin the healing process. With you as that central safe place in her life she can do that but you must be extremely patient and never judge her or be angry if she reverts to more self harming.