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Hi, baggytrousers,
Hurting and not knowing why is bad enough, but to feel you must hide your pain like a wild animal in the jungle is extra bad. I think it might be helpful to tell your mom or dad you just aren't feeling so hot, you don't have to be too specific about the cutting yet, just ask if they could help you get an appointment to see a doctor. When you see the doctor tell him you are feeling very depressed and anxious, and could he refer you to a psychologist. It is very common for mental and emotional issues to intensify in one's teen years. These are the years we put together our adult identity. This is hard work, and we all could use a little help through these times. Your family may already suspect you are not happy, and don't know what to do for you because no one is communicating.

Are there school counselors at your school? Can you make an appointment on your own to see a therapist?
Here is a list of resources:
http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=19594
With phone numbers for many different countries.
I can dig the fear of upsetting one's parents; when I was a kid my mother would get mad at me for being depressed, like it was all her fault and I was accusing her of it. Maybe there would be some way you could tell them how you feel while reassuring them you are not blaming them. This is a sticky wicket for sure.

baggytrousers,

Can you remember the first time you cut? I remember the first time I did it.

I had cut myself in a way that I could not hide it the first time.

I hear you say you are lonely. you sound very hurt.

Everyone here relate to what you are talking about. The key is to keep talking rationally about the behavior, and refrain from hurting yourself.

You should not have to go with what you are feeling alone.
you dont have to deal with it alone.
If you cant remember a certain trauma that brought out this kind of behavior. If and when it is time, you might remember hon, if not no worries.

The most important thing is that you do not harm yourself.

hugs,
red

baggytrousers,
First I just want to say that feeling lonely is part of how depression gets you. It makes you feel unworthy to feel like you don't deserve to feel however you do so you hide and distance yourself until you've cut off your support when you need it most. All the while it seems as though you're the only one, lost somewhe you have never been with little hope of finding a way out.

The thing is that there are many people right where you are now and many people who have found there way out. You don't need a reason to be depressed or to feel any other way. Depression is more than a psychological disorder, there are many physical dimensions to it and it can be very serious. There iss no such thing as being "Just depressed." Depression can kill you, physically and mentally.

It doesn't have to take over though, you can fight it but if you aren't able don't be afraid to reach out. There are many resources out there for you. Your school may also have services you're not aware of. Most schools have a mental health club or support group. It can be tough to ask to see a therapist or doctor but it can be a huge step to getting out.
Check out these sites,
http://www.mindyourmind.ca
www.nosuchthingascrazy.com
www.copecaredeal.com

If you ever want to talk don't be afraid to messenge me urgodandiamnot@hotmail.com. I'd love to talk with you.

~Jen

Hi, morethanadiagnosis,
Thank you for your great contribution. I have saved your links to my desktop, as I know I will be sharing them with the many youth that come here in the future.

hey bt, i posted end of this thread and in your other thread as well, please consider what i have to say to you. Take a stand NOW and stop harming. I rewrote this post hoping to catch yer eye as you scroll thru. I care what happens and truly hope the words said stick with you. Be safe, take care.

hi, baggytrousers,
You could write down all your issues with the depression and anxiety and present it to your parents with a verbal disclaimer that this is how you've been feeling lately but "mom and dad, You Are Not At Fault...I just need help right now." Give it to them during a quiet period when they are sitting down and not busy or distracted by other duties. You could even put on the envelope in big letters: This is not an accusation of you as parental failures, it is a plea for help. So don't get upset with me, help me.
If my son was depressed I'd want him to come to me and tell me. In fact, that very thing did happen when he was 17, and I was very grateful to have been able to help him.
I don't know how much the school counselor would disclose to your parents. Ask him or her up front what the policy is with privacy.

baggytrousers,

You ran across my mind today. I hope you are doing better.

peace to you.
red

hi BaggyTrousers, the fact you are young, self harming, and worried about talking to yer parents because you have to maintain a social mask for THEM isn't fair to YOU. There has got to be a solid place to stand before you can climb out of any bad situation...As puma, and Red have been saying there has to be a counsellor, a coach, a faith based group member, you gotta have someone to trust. Then if you can get comfortable with talking about what's going on i think the confidence to tell yer parents the real deal will come. It's really weighing on my mind knowing you are out there in need of someone. Please contact or post so we know what's going on and you are ok. You gotta talk about this, PM's to me are confidential and i hope you take me up on it. Pretending to be happy when so much is going on is taking from you. That's what is important here.....You. If confidentiality is of concern, you have no worries in PM's to me or any other mods. Best wishes, and take care.

BT, i also posted in your "coping" thread......please listen to what i said there. It is the absolute straight talk truth. If you make a stand now....talk about it.....confront.....decompress. You won't have any future worries but those of what career you choose, car to buy, these are things that may be effected by habitual self harm. Please consider every word and make a stand to stop harming.