Advice/tips to better communicate with immature ADHD husband

My husband, 24, has ADHD, mommy issues, a deep fear of abandonment, bad attention seeking behaviors, and a sex addiction. He's been coddled and sheltered his whole life, and never had to worry about being an adult or taking responsibility. Point blank, he's childish and immature, and he also uses porn to escape his problems.

I'm 29 with BPD, and I need a responsible mature man in my life. When I try to talk out our problems, he just flat out doesn't listen. He takes all the key words and phrases, and forms a concept he can understand and often completely misses the point. If he doesn't understand, he will just agree with me to avoid looking "stupid" instead of asking what I meant. He also lies when he wants to do something he knows is wrong.

Some of the things he does, I can't help but blow up and start screaming at him like a child, or taking a condescending tone.

If you're wondering how or why I married him, the answer is simple. He does know how to be an adult, and chooses not to be one. He had me fooled. He always starts acting like an adult when people are watching, leaving everyone thinking I'm some nagging b***h.

I'm no angel, I have my own flaws, and he does put up with a lot from me. I'm trying. We do love each other and we both want this to work.

How can I help us to better understand each other? How can I get him to listen to me and stop lying? Yelling won't work and I am so tired of that kind of stress. I just want him to pay attention a little more.

Hi, curiouskitsune! You could try posting this in the ADHD forum as you might get more replies. He needs to deal with all his issues in therapy. Any chance of that happening?

Thanks, I wasn't sure where to post! YES, he is attending SAA meetings but we can't afford therapy for the other issues and he really needs to be on his Concerta, but no insurance He was recently separated from the Air Force and we are still looking into alternate health care.

Oh dear, that sounds like a tough situation! I hope he'll be able to get healthcare soon. You could post in the Living with mental illness forum too, see if anyone has any suggestions to the whole situation.